I feel trapped?

Question

My boyfriend and I have a 7 month old daughter. She was conceived the first time we had sex. We were just "friends" at the time. We ended up dating when I found out I was pregnant and have been together almost a year and a half. Im not working right now. I stay at home. We have a very good relationship when it comes to communication. we tell eachother ther truth and what we are thinking. However, I still am not happy most of the time. I know I love him I just dont always feel inlove. Sometimes I think I just wanna break up but then come other issues. When I was growing up, my mom moved us place to place for different men she would meet. SHe was kind of a slut too. SHe always dogs my Dad and Ij ust dont want to be like that at all. Part of me is afraid to be single b/c Ihave security with him. He loves me and help take care of me and our daughter. Hes a great guy too. Very honest loving and kind..for the most part. But when our relationship is bad, it is really bad. What do i do

I mean..we can totally pretty much hate eachother and then be fine the next minute..I haven't had the big O in like 6 months either. There is just so much tension. I want a family but I dont want to be unhappy allthe time either. Its not fair to my daughter

for all of you who are asking...we have talked about it.Nothing just seems to work :(

Answer 1

You didn't give your age, but I suspect you are still young. That feeling of excitement of "being in love" comes and goes in a real relationship. Be glad you have a great guy who you can talk to and share thing with. Some women can't say that. I really think you need to consider counseling, either in a clinical setting or from a local pastor. Sometimes, people expect too much. You two need to learn how to fight. You can disagree and argue without being brutal.
I think you may be thinking about repeating you mother's pattern of being unable to maintain a relationship. That's not a big surprise since that is what she taught you. I think you are very smart and you can reach up and pull yourself out of your situation and be happy with your bf.
One thing you should consider is getting a part-time job. It will help you branch out and discover yourself.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish things could be easier for you, because this is not a situation that many people wish or desire to be in. If you are having doubts about your relationship, you should consider talking to him about ending the relationship. If you feel "trapped" like you say, then there is never going to be a time that these feelings will change; you sound like you've been feeling this way for a long time -- 6 months, it sounds like, or even more. And I think you should take some time to think over your decision before you let go of your boyfriend.

I mean, think about it -- he's your boyfriend. You created this child together, this living, breathing child of life. Would you really want to give that up so your daughter couldn't see her father or have a real family? Consider your decision wisely, because it could affect your daughter for life.

If you two fight, maybe you could consider another alternative -- like couple's counseling. The child needs both of you, and not just her mother. You need to rely on each other. I know I'm going against what you probably want, but just think of your daughter. Seven years from now, no father... No contact. Knowing her father never was around enough and that he probably got into another relationship? It would hurt her. It would make her feel confused.

Now, if you really want to break up with your boyfriend and you feel upset and want to escape, then don't hesitate to. I'm just saying consider your choices, because family is the strongest bond, and once that bond is broken, then you are truly lost.

Good luck, and I hope you make the right decision for you, your daughter, and your boyfriend.

Answer 3

You're prolly not gonna like my answer, but here goes...
Now that you've brought a life into this world, she's got to be your priority. While I agree it's not healthy for a child to be around miserable parents (meaning, miserable w/ ea other), it doesn't sound like your relationship has reached a point where breaking up would be in HER best interest, and while you as an individual could possibly be happier w/ someone else, or single, once you got preggos and decided to keep the baby, your individual happiness has to take a backseat to your child's.

I'd recommend couples counseling, and doing whatever work (and it WILL require work on both your parts) it takes to be as happy in the relationship as possible. You owe that to her and ea other. I'd also seriously recommend giving it lots more time b4 u start thinking break-up. You just had a child seven months ago. Hormonal chaos doesn't end @ child birth, and post-partum depression could be a factor in how you're feeling now.

Seek professional help - hormonal or other brain-chemistry medication could be in order - and give things at least a year to work themselves out. If he were abusive or neglectful, I'd advise differently, but as you describe things, it sounds like fairly normal adjustments to a new relationship and a very significant change in the dynamics of that relationship (having a baby).

Work on communication w/ some professional help thrown in, and don't give up for the sake of your daughter. Research has shown that it's better to have two parents together unless circumstances get very ugly (abuse/neglect).

Answer 4

He could be the nicest guy in the world, but that doesn't matter if you're not happy. Ignore people telling you that you should love because he's such a great guy, you can't control how you feel about someone. I was in a relationship with a guy that I really didn't feel love for, but I stayed in it because everyone else liked him so much and though he was a great guy and would do anything for me, but if the feeling isn't there then it's just not fun. When he found out that I really wasn't as into him, he freaked out and broke up with me. I now have a guy that I'm happy with and I do love him. You have an added difficulty because of your daughter. The main question is are you really happy? I'm guessing if you were you wouldn't be asking this question. Try hinting that he should show you how much he loves you more often, because that could increase your feelings for you. Whatever you do, you have to consider how it will affect your daughter.

Answer 5

I know you're married, but this is something my mom told me that may help you:

"It's impossible to be happy all the time when you're married. Sometimes one person gives more to the relationship than the other and sometimes you're just not thrilled where things are at that point in time."

I know you're not married, but you're basically in a long-term committed relationship. I think maybe some of the "I'm not in love" feelings you feel are coming from the fact that you're moving (or have moved) out of the honeymoon phase of love. Long-term love feels a heckuva lot different than the honeymoon phase where everything is wine and roses and both people have stars in their eyes.

So here's some suggestion:

1. Can you find any sort of group in your area where moms get together to talk while someone supervises their children in play? Community ed, churches, and non-profit or community groups have groups like these. It may help you feel less trapped if you have more adult time with women who are similar to you (i.e. moms with infants or toddlers).

2. Try to schedule adult time with your spouse. This may help relieve some relationship stress.

3. If all else fails, seek marital counseling. If money is an issue, some community groups offer counseling on a sliding scale basis.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Samantha welcome to the world of adulthood. None of us are ever happy and/or in love with our partners 100% of the time. Actually would make for pretty boring relationships if there was not some strive involved now and again. It's great that you two are capable of communicating so well. I'd suggest a good tongue wag between the two of you and let him know in an open and mature manner what you feel is missing in this relationship and if possible try and get things back on track. If necessary you may even want to consider taking some kind of family or relationship counselling if needed.

Answer 7

Every relationship you hit a bump in the road..
Sounds like things at home are great for you..
What if it`s not him- What if it`s that fact your home all the time. That can make you feel trapped.
My friends at stay at home mom to 4 kids..
She decided to take a few night classes a week.
New environment. Just to get a little peace without someone crying all the time..
Maybe you should look into working a few hours a week/ or take some classes..

Answer 8

It could be your hormones sweety. They are can be really messed up after having a baby. Hang in there. Time will tell. He sounds like a great guy. Try to get out of the house and do things as a family. Also try to make some time for just the two of you. Imagine how it would be without him. I bet you wouldnt like that much.

Answer 9

if you have such great communication why are you telling the world about this instead of the person that really matters the most? you need to talk to him about your feelings and maybe ask him if he'd be willing to go talk to a councelor about these issues. sounds like you two have a great relationship that just has ups and downs like all the rest of them out there. work thru your issues together and things will be much better in the end.

Answer 10

everybody has bad times in relationships, you gotta accept the bad with the good, I mean if he isn't cheating on you, or doin anything wrong, then don't break his heart, that's not fair to your daughter. If it's about sex, there are so many toys, not to mention oral sex, the big O shouldn't be a problem anymore....this comes from a virgin with no dating experience, but I think I have a point.