When I was 4, my father was arrested and spent 5 years in prison.
He got out when I was nine years old and I seen him on and off until I was 13.
Then I wouldn't see him again until I was 18 years old.
My mother wanted nothing to do with him and didn't even want child support.
I am currently 20 years old, A full-time junior in college, and I make almost 30k a year working part-time (which often gives me the attitude that I dont really need him.)
He told me that he wanted to be part of my life when I was 18, (why come back when I'm grown) but I have been brushing him off for the past 2 years, what do you think?
P.S. Feel free to check out my Mythology/Christianity question.
2007-08-31 06:50:22 · 18 answers · asked by Chestnut_Hill_College_Undergrad 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Beware of any hidden agendas and be the better man, allow the relationship. Perhaps he'll learn from you what it takes to be a man. I've been a parent to my parents for most of my life. Even though they didn't take the lessons, I know that, at least, I did my best. Good luck!!!
2007-08-31 07:01:18 · answer #1 · answered by Brigid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If YOU need HIM, then have a relationship with him, but don't loan him any money. IF you don't need him, then just see him once or twice a year to make him happy. He didn't do right by you, he broke the law, he's been a dead-beat dad. But..he's your father. You may dislike the man, but have this nagging love because he fathered you biologically. You can tell him it's too late to be a big part of your life. He can have a small part if he behaves.
2007-08-31 06:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was obviously messed up back in the day. You have the power to let him in or not.
Try writing him a letter, or calling him on the phone telling him how much he disappointed and hurt you. Give it to him good, he deserves it. I would think he knows that. Clear the air and then see how you really feel about having a relationship with him.
Don't out of hand, push him away and then regret it. Talk, see how you feel. He owes you that. If he is worth anything he will want you to express how you feel. If he's smart he would be honored to know how you feel and hear what you have to say.
After all that then you will know how you really feel about him. And if he is ready to really know you.
Good luck - Beck
2007-08-31 07:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by Beck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really up to you, but I think you should consider this: As defective as this model apparently is, it's the only father you are going to have. As you get older, and your childhood recedes farther and farther into the past, things and people that are links to your youth become more and more precious.
At least try and consider it. Your father has a lot to atone for, and I'd imagine it would be hard to forgive him, but if it does work out, a fathers love is a great thing to have. Isn't that worth a little effort?
2007-08-31 07:02:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok! Of course you should let him back into your life. Its not for you to punish him, he doesn't have to answer to you, he has to answer to god. If he's trying to step up rather you 10 or 50 years old then he is trying to make good and you should give him that chance to show you. Dont punish him because you dont have that right, let him in and just take it one day at a time because you never know what the future holds. He want's to be apart of your life, that's God's doing and God is putting him back in your life for a reason so follow the signs. Good luck
2007-08-31 06:56:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the bigger person, I know that it is easy for him to come around now that you are grown , independent and doing very well. He is still your father. He was Wong for not being there when you were small and it's sad that he had to wait this long to want to be in your life, but I wouldn't completely shut him ot. Just make sure he's coming around for the right reasons and doesn't start begging and asking for favors.
2007-08-31 07:00:50 · answer #6 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your attitude is bad toward him and your mind is not open, you might not be ready. If you can try to forgive him and open up your mind and heart, you might have a chance at a relationship with a man who feels really bad for what he did. Put yourself in his place for a moment or two and try to understand. You don't need him financially, and that's great that you are so self-sufficient; but, emotionally, you just might benefit by having him in your life. Try to have some empathy for him and give it a whirl.
2007-08-31 07:48:40 · answer #7 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant tell you whether to let him in or not but I do want to warn you. You are making a decent living and he may know that and his motives could be hidden. He might be looking to get some money from you, especially as you rise in your career and make more. So be careful. If he starts telling you his woes about needing money desperately don't fall for it. You dont owe him a thing.
2007-08-31 06:56:48 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont say no to anything your possibly going to regret in later years or yes to something you will regret.. sounds like you have some soul searching to do to see if this man does fit in your life, but it should be an unconditional acceptance if thats the choice.Good luck !
2007-08-31 06:55:53 · answer #9 · answered by georgia k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he apologized for abandoning you as a child? Has he taken responsibility? Has he offered any amends?
Unless the answers are yes, I don't think he has any right to see you. But you have the right to see him if you want to. If you do let him into your life, be careful. Remember the chaos he caused in your family of origin.
2007-08-31 07:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋