Why do some men set themselves up for being cheated on?

Question

I hear the stories all the time. Guy has been with a girl for years and lets her go out to dinners, vacations, and other romantic getaways with male "friends". Then he is surprised to learn that she has been banging him all this time. In reality, these nice guys wanted to tell her she can't go, but they are soooo nice and understanding they don't have the balls to lay down boundaries for their women and be in charge. Even after they are cheated on they blame it on themselves "oh if I was only nicer to you and there for you more to lean on financially you would not have cheated its all my fault don't worry about it".

Answer 1

isn't it easier to get over someone if u know they don't love u so much that they would be with just u..........it's a little less guilt if u break up with someone or cheat with someone who has cheated on u.......but i think that the guys u have seen have probably been push overs........or they are not into serious relationships....usually guys r known to be posessive and caring......i haven't met a guy who would allow his gf to bang around and be ok with it............

Answer 2

I don't think it's really the guys fault I would blame the girl. Women are always saying how they can't find a nice guy, and then when they get one they don't know how to act right. That is a good thing to have trust in your significant other, some people just take advantage of it. There does have to be some kind of boundaries though, no one will really respect you if you don't hold some things off limit, women actually like that. Men have to be "take charge" to a certain extent.

Answer 3

I agree with you, I learned at the age 16 the nicer you are to women the more they will cheat on you. Now Im much older and am married and I have never been that nice to her, but I know she wouldn't cheat. Men need to stop being slaves and too nice to women. I'm not saying beat the women, but if she wants to go hang out with other guys, tell her goodbye for good.

Answer 4

Because many women don't realize that men can not be a true friend without wanting something else in return (physically). They think of their male 'friends' as safe, when they aren't. I know there are a lot of guys out there who would disagree with my statement, when all they have to ask themselves that if their female friends would give them a chance to sleep with them, would they take the opportunity. The answer, of course is YES. On the other hand, when women have a guy friend that they only say that's all he is, he'll remain that no matter what.

Answer 5

well now my guy would never consider vacationing with another chick, because if he did, he would come back and find me gone.
I never tell my guy what he can and can't do, but I expect a level of respect that would prevent him from vacationing etc with other women. If that isn't there, then neither is the relationship. I am a stronger woman and smart enough to know that a relationship break up has two sides to the story- but a person who genuinely loves their partner, would never ever consider vacationing, or dinners etc with another woman/man.

Answer 6

No one has control over another's actions...so it's not a matter of a guy or gal "letting" their partner do anything. People make their own decisions to cheat, and thus it is their fault (and no one else's) that they cheated.

Should some people not be surprised when they learn their partner has cheated? If they knew their partner was spending a lot of time with others, esp people they might be attracted to, then it's not terribly surprising when they learn cheating has occured...but it doesn't mean that such cheating will always occur.

Answer 7

Works the same for both sexes. Suppose that some people are either so trusting or some may have self-esteem issues and do not have much communication with their partners. Where they are capable of saying what is on their minds and doing so in a mature and open minded manner.

Answer 8

When I first read your question I got really angry.

But then I read the detail section and I see your point.

I think the girls probably don't set out to cheat. But with continued contact (and what's up with the GUY taking them on trips when they're married????), I think you're right. I think it's a process and that the husbands do play a role in it happening.

Thanks for what you said I had an "experience" with it.

Answer 9

Coupla thoughts:

Maybe the better question is why is the nice guy choosing a woman who'd want to spend all of her time socializing with another man instead of him? To me that's a big red flag. Why isn't she spending that time going out to dinner, on vacation and to romantic spots with him instead? If her focus was on her boyfriend and his on her, there would be less need for either to go outside of the relationship for attention that could lead to sex.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 10 years and he's still my first choice as a dining or travel companion but I have had dinners with other men, including old boyfriends and have traveled internationally with male friends. I have never cheated on my boyfriend. There have been temptations, of course, over time for both of us, but our relationship is build on trust and with trust comes responsibility to be true to the commitment.

As to why people cheat, there's any number of reasons, but I think on some basic level all people have a genuine craving to feel special, important, needed, chosen...whatever you want to call it and if they are not getting this need met within their relationship there is a greater chance that they will step outside of it.

I don't think that this guy is on the wrong track exactly, but perhaps he's too trusting and has unrealistic expectations based on the relationships he has with his partner(s). I would think he'd need to watch for red flags if this was a trend.

But then again, not all relationships work no matter how hard one person tries to keep things going. It both people aren't pulling equally the relationship will go off track, in that case the person who is interested in moving on definitely needs to have the balls to step up and end things with their current partner before moving on to a new relationship.

Answer 10

Sounds more like a statement than a question?
These men are stupid and the women see them a mile away, think about it the other way around, if you could have someone dependable taking care of you, and run around getting it on the side. WWYD?
MO