B/F & My Daughter Issues???

Question

My b/f of 8 mos. lives with me and my 12yr old daughter--the problem..her ignorant attitude sometimes and sassy mouth towards my b/f and myself.Now her dad is not in the pic(currently in jail)but my bf does everything in the world for her-spoils her and we even get into arguements because she knows she can play him and i against eachother..But then now she got out of hand the other night and he was trying to help me correct her and she came out with the famous"your not my dad" saying and it really hurt his feelings..now i feel torn between both of them??? i feel she owes him an apology and should be punished or her actions and mouthiness..now my daughter got my mom involved and it ended up being one big yelling match..my mom thinks he should not help discipline or be able to tell my daughter anything..i feel different..I am feeling torn between everyone...what should i do????

My mom constantly butts in when it comes to my daughter--she is the only g.daughter and my moms fav....my daughter pays everyone against eachother even me and my bf..

My mom constantly butts in when it comes to my daughter--she is the only g.daughter and my moms fav....my daughter plays everyone against eachother even me and my bf..

Thanks soooo much these are all GREAT answers and advice..I appreciate it --real answers :-)

Answer 1

Actually pretty normal behaviour for a 12 year old. She knows dam well what buttons to push to get everyone upset and will try and use this to her advantage whenever possible. I imagine that your man was hurt but is mature enough to realize that this little girl is only trying to hurt him and you by using her words so hurtfully. Trust me she probably adores this guy and in years to come will look more then favourably upon him, will probably want him to walk her down the aisle when she marries. Allow the girl to grow up and express herself but ask her to do so in a non-violent and non-hurtful way. As far as your mother interfering with her upbringing that is up to you to lay the law down with her and let her know that you will raise her the way that you feel is proper and to please mind her business. Like you said this is her only granddaughter and so has a special place in her heart and if the kid knows that grandma will defend her she will use this as a trump card for as long as it is allowed to continue. Best of luck to you and all involved. And I hope I'm right when I say that she will outgrow this but it may be another 7 or 8 years before she matures enough to realize how good she has it.

Answer 2

What i would advice you do is sit your daughter down an have a heart to heart with her an let her know that what shes been doing is wrong an that she owes your bf a apologize an if she doesn't then she will get a punishment an just maybe she need more punishment then gifts she is spoiled but you did it an its really time you kick some reality to her it will be hard an you will fell like you hurt her felling an you probably will but if you love her then end this now before you regret it an she get worse other than that i know you are a good mom an you try your best i know I'm a mom with teens an its work so just keep trying my kids father is also in jail an i try to let them know that my bf isn't their father but he loves them the same an let her know that because if he didn't then he wouldn't do the things that he does for her so do what best for you an never mind your mom she will get over it sooner or later an if she does she is your child an you have to decide what is the best for her not your mom so good luck.

Answer 3

It's always like that when you give your kids everything, they will always expect that you would always give them things, and they can get anything they want since you spoil them. It's only because she's a lil brat. No offence! And as for your mother she's only picking up for her only favorite grand daughter because she's the only one. If she had other's she would have been more fair. Your boyfriend was only trying to help your daughter, and for her to act like that isn't right, i mean he used to give her everything, she's not being nice or either fair. The least she could do is give him some respect. Just tell your boyfriend that she's is soon to be a teenager and these stuffs are expected. Tell him your sorry. And as for your daughter, you should ground her. Make her say she's sorry to your boyfriend, make her understand what she's doing to him isn't fair, and he's only innocent in all of this. Tell your mom to stay out of this and this isn't her place to tell you what to do and what not to do! It show's that your mom doesn't like your boyfriend, but who cares what she thinks. I sure hope what i told you helps. Feel free to e-mail sometimes im really sorry! :(
Good Luck!
lil miss vixion :)

Answer 4

Wow sounds like she needs to learn respect. He may not be her dad but he is the one who helps support her and take care of her. She needs to realize that this guy is going to stick around and that she needs to respect him. And on the other hand if you are getting onto her then he doesn't need to butt in. My boy friend and I are kinda in the same situation and I had to tell him if I am getting onto my daughter that he needs to keep his mouth shut and let me do it. It worked when you did it by yourself before he was there and it will work now. Now if you are not getting onto her he has full right to but that means you can't butt in. Let him be the father he wants to be to her but he also has to let you be the mom. And as far as your mom goes, that's how moms are you cant let what they say get under your skin. You really need to sit down with your daughter and tell her that he has as much right to tell her what to do as you do and that she needs to respect him. I mean the way I see it is that he is going to be around for a while and he has been there more than her biological dad has at least for the past 8 months.

Answer 5

If the boyfriend has no right to discipline your daughter then the grandmother has no right to tell you how to raise her.

Discipline your daughter for getting an attitude with the boyfriend and make her apologize for hurting his feelings. That should be done regardless of whether or not he has the right to discipline her.

Tell your mother to butt out, you are still your daughters mother, if you feel your boyfriend has overstepped his bounds you will take care of it. Tell her that as well. Also, this incident that she brought your mother in on, you write that he was assisting you in correcting negative behavior. You mothers complaint of him discipling her is moot in this case.

Answer 6

I think that ur mother shouldn't interfer in this and I think that u r right about her asking for forgivness from him becuz if u are planning on leaving with him than in future he will her dad and ur daughter needs to grow up and change her attitude and if ur mother thinks that u are wrong than let her take ur daughter just for week and let her take care of her than she will know what trouble u have to go through...I hope that everything goes well for u and ur family

Answer 7

Send her to live with her grandmother. There are two benefits gets rid of obnoxious GM and daughter, your daughter gets some valuable education on the hazards of manipulating people and a chance to compare GM's rules vs yours.

Answer 8

If you told me you were married, I'd say she should apologize. But you are not married to this man, and in my mind, you shouldn't be living together because you are teaching your daughter it's okay to co-habitate with a guy without marriage. Your first loyalty needs to be to that little girl!

Answer 9

Its those growing pains from being in her teens, what you really need to do is talk to her and have your boyfriend talk to her. maybe even get her into talk to a psychiatrist. she needs to understand that you and your boyfriend are one, his word carries just as much weight as yours. and he needs to be able to discipline her or else she will continue to abuse him.

Kudos to you for being able to finding a man that is willing to love you and your daughter. its a tough situation, but as long as you try it will work.

she sees him as an intruder right now, and she really has to work to get past that.