help? I'm a teen and i wana have a civil marriage?

Question

My finace and I are planning on getting married but we can't because our parents are against us ending up together. I'm 17, half-Chinese and he's a pure and simple Filipino, and my dad doesn't approve of him because he's not rich. My man really really loves me and doesn't want to lose me to other guys and is dead serious in having me as his wife. I have always wanted to get married and start a family and of course I want him to be my partner in life. Can anyone give me advice and info about civil marriages and how the procedure works?

Answer 1

It totally depends on where you are. Different places have different rules.

First of all, I would wait until your 18th birthday. That will make the whole process easier, because then you are considered an adult, in most places, and therefore won't need the parental permission that obviously would not be granted.

Second, go to the local city hall or municipal place of government. You apply for a marriage license. Most places have a waiting period of a few days to a few weeks. You may need blood tests done, again depending on the rules of where you are. The clerk there will be able to help you with the rules and fees of getting a license.

Once you have it, you have a few options. You can talk to any ordained minister, and have a simple ceremony in any faith, anywhere you like. You could find a justice of the peace or judge to perform your ceremony. Or talk to the clerk about who performs ceremonies at your local municipal government.

You will need to have two witnesses. In a wedding, this is the maid/matron of honor, and best man. It can be anyone from your best (adult) friends to the cleaning lady at the chapel.

The officiant will ask you a few questions, namely, is there any reason you can't get married (ie married already, underage, too close a blood relative, etc), and if you willingly agree to the marriage. Then s/he will pronounce you married and sign the license. Congratulations.

Now my personal opinion is wait. Wait a few years because of your age and your family situation. Obviously if you two are committed to each other, getting married now and getting married in 5 years should make no difference to your relationship.

Get pre-marital counselling. Before you decide to make this guy your life partner, make sure you've talked about certain issues -- for example, which religion do you plan to raise your children in? how do you spend your money (is he a saver? are you a shopaholic? etc.) is buying a house before children a priority or do you want to start a family right away? how many children? what about his parents' reaction? There are lots of questions that need to be resolved BEFORE the wedding.

Another reason I suggest waiting is because every girl deserves a wedding day. Waiting can mean that you can save the money to have a simple ceremony -- buy a special dress, have flowers, throw a party for those friends that are supportive of your relationship. Make it a special day instead of a rushed civil union.

Third, waiting a few years MAY make a difference in your parents' reaction. As a mom, I'm not sure I'd want my 17 yr old to be thinking of getting married, but if she waited till she was 21, I would have a lot more peace of mind about the whole thing.

Whatever you decide, make sure you do have SOME support besides your guy. And congratulations on your engagement! Happy wedding planning!

Answer 2

If your local gov allows you to marry at 17 you can do by simply going to JP and applying for license. But make sure your doing the right thing. Remember that marriage is not used to keep someone from loosing another person, it is a committment for life (or aleast the intent) on both parts, having a long engagement and drawing out lifes plans together is the beginning to show if a marriage will even work between 2 people. If more couples did this we wouldnt have the divorce rate we currently do in the US

Answer 3

I totally understand where you're coming from, as I am in love with someone and no one approves of our relationship, for different reasons. He is in a tough spot, and will take years before we can get married. He got royally screwed by his ex... long story. Anyways, we spend lots of time together, and he calls me his wife already, and we love each other more than anything in the world. We both really want to be married, and so, when the time comes, we will. It's worth waiting for, if it's for real. I have to say, that if you are 17, just wait until you are legal, and do it right. That way, no one will ever through it in your face that you were too young or did not know what you are doing. I hope you will consider this. I wish you both all the happiness and love in the world.

Answer 4

You have to wait until your 18 and go to the court house and then pay a fine and you may or may not have to have a blood test (it varies by state). I am a little concerned on why you "man" is worried about losing you to other guys and thats why he wants to get married. That is crazy. If he trusts you then he wouldnt be worried about that. I would wait. I know thats not what you want to here but people change so much between the ages of 18 and 25 and I think you need to take some time and enjoy being you and having no responsibilities. Marriage is very very hard and is not a fairy tail

Answer 5

Well since you are 17, there are one of two ways you can approach this. One, the most realistic one and in this case the improbable one, have your father or mother sign consent that allows you to marry this guy. Two, move to a foreign country that has a lowered age limit.

Personally I think you are only 17 and should wait awhile before you fully commit yourself. Psychologically, people don't fully stop developing till about 25, that is when your values and beliefs are, for lack of a better word, set in stone. How about just getting engaged or getting a promise ring? That way you have a sign of commitment to each other.

Answer 6

Unless the two of you are employed full time and clearing at least $50,000 a year after taxes then getting married is a bad idea. It will be a struggle to survive as a couple. Your respective parents will always be bailing the two of you out of this or that financial problem. You'll still be dependent upon your parents. Teenage marriages statistically are doomed to failure. You'll be divorced likely with child before your 19. Your future will be doomed all because of raging hormones.

Answer 7

Be patient, if he really loves you and wants you in his life forever he can wait until you are old enough to make that decesion on your own without your parents. It doesn't seem like it now but you will both change a lot in the next 3-5 years. As you get more responsibility and life experience you may find that you aren't as compatible as you think now. You may also find that you are even more in love and right for each other. At your age it can go either way so be patient and let what will be be.

Answer 8

A civil marriage is simply a marriage that is not held in the church or sanctioned by a church. The same laws apply to civil marriages as church-based marriages, and one of those laws is that you aren't able to get married in the US until you're 18 UNLESS you have parental permission.

If he really loves you, he can wait a few more months to marry you. If he's a possessive jerk who's probably going to wind up abusing you, he'll keep pressuring you to try to break the law.

Answer 9

Depending on your state of residence, you will probably have to wait until your are 18. And that isn't very long to wait - if you're committed to spending the rest of your lives together, one year is not very much in the grand scheme of things.

Spend the next year laying the groundwork for a strong and healthy marriage - attend pre-marital counseling to identify potential bumps in the road and to learn strategies for more effective communication; save money for a home of your own; plan your futures together.

Once you are 18, or depending on the laws in your state, all you have to do is go to the county registrar's office (also called the county clerks office, check your city/county's website for details) and apply for a marriage license. Then any appropriate judge or licensed official can perform the ceremony.

Answer 10

Civil marriages are marriages without any religious presence in them, and can be done in courtrooms. It depends what state you live in, every state has different laws for civil marriages. You have to have two witnesses sign the documents once the ceremony is performed(and both have to be over the age of 21 I'm pretty sure), so keep that in mind. However, if you two are planning to elope and get married, most places that perform civil weddings will provide two people for you. Also, MOST states have a law against persons under 18 getting married in a civil wedding, so in most states, you must have your parents or guardians signature in order to do the ceremony, so check with your states laws regarding that. In order to get married in a civil wedding, you must have the following documents and these do NOT change from state to state(any state has these same laws regarding what you must have)
1-A copy of both you and his birth certificates.
2-If either of you have been previously married, you need a copy of your previous wedding certificates, and divorce papers.
3-Any paperwork regarding name changes either one of you has had.
4-An electric bill, or some type of bill verifying your current address.
5-Your mothers maiden name. (some states require this..others don't)
6-A signed legal document from your parents giving their permission if under 18(some states require this)