Overbearing dilemma?

Question

Unfortunately, I'm afraid my naturally ignorant self may have screwed up my relationship with a woman I know and like a lot. I've known her for about 2 months and saw her maybe once a week, in get-togethers with mutual friends entering my MBA program. After reading about flirting signals given (yes, I'm bad with those), I realized that she had been giving me at least 6-7, yet I didn't know at the time. About 3 weeks ago, I approached her in a bar and we spoke for about a half hour, and I got her number, but then nervous me said something along the lines of 'But I'm not hitting on you or anything'. That weekend, I was sick, and didn't call her as a result. The following week when I saw her again, we caught eyes across the lunch room, and we smiled at each other for an uncomfortably long 5-10 seconds. After lunch when I saw her, she complimented me on my new haircut........

Since then, in seeing each other more frequently, we've caught eyes many times, and I've caught her staring at me from afar. When we talk, she'll flirt in ways such as the hair-flip, or preening.

I try to flirt and make it known that I like her, but last night, a mutual friend I spoke with said that the girl thought that I was overbearing, and our friend said that her suggestion from her impression is that I not be so overbearing for now, and later on try again, as the girl I like thinks I'm a nice guy.

Also, I'm not sure if it's relevant, but a week ago, she mentioned that she broke up with her past couple of boyfriends because they were too conceited as far as money goes (one guy scoffed at a vanity plate that said "MY INFINITI" because he said "who brags about an Infiniti?"; meanwhile she dated that guy for 2 years)

Anyway, I really am blown away by this girl, and although it may be possible down the road to have a relationship with her, right now I wish I could spend more

time with her, but that seems to be the wrong thing to do=(

Unfortunately, I could find no advice similar to my situation, so I feel lost, and I don't want to give up on her and just date someone else because it would be like settling to me.

If you could please give me a tip or point me in the right direction, I would be so grateful!!

Thanks!!


(sorry so long)!!!!

Answer 1

What your problem is, is that you're trying to be something you aren't - suave, debonair, chic. You, darling one, are a goof-ball. OK so you're a goof-ball. But you seem to be a nice goof-ball. And by all means, don't take yourself out of the running. A lot of really great (and pretty) girls actually prefer goof-balls to James Bond.

Since she complimented you on your new haircut, she's still kind of interested in you.

Look. The next time you see her in a casual setting. How about asking her to the local cafe for a latte? What's the worst she could say "No thanks?"

When you have her all to yourself at the cafe, tell her straight that you think she's attractive intelligent and nice. Tell her straight that you're a goof-ball and aren't very good at playing "games" with people but that you admire her and would like to get to know her better.

Don't try to be sophisticated or have some kind of stupid line - that didn't work, right? Tell her about yourself - your hobbies, goals, desires, beliefs, etc. in a direct, honest, sincere manner. Ask her about herself - don't judge or disagree - just ask her about herself and listen. Ask her about her studies. Tell her about yours. ABOVE ALL LISTEN!!!

You'd be surprised at how quickly an hour can pass.

And be prepared to offer to buy her dinner - you might get luckier than you think.

The crux of the matter is to BE YOURSELF - not some construct of what you think she wants.