Recently my husband and I had a long talk about spanking and agreed that we would no longer use spanking as a form of punishment for our children. We have, in the past, spanked our 3 year old and gave the in-laws(husbands parents) permission to spank him if necessary when he stayed over or they watched him for us. They themselves are adament believers in spanking. Now that we have made this decision, how do we go about telling the grandparents to no longer spank him?
2007-08-31 05:07:06 · 17 answers · asked by iamhis0 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
They rarely take care of the kids. I am a full-time stay at home mommy and so the only time they take care of them is like once every few months to give hubby and I a date night.
2007-08-31 05:49:20 · update #1
Firstly, YOU are the parents, THEY are the grandparents. Yes, they have rights to discipline your son when they have him, but they do not have the right to choose any old discipline method they want, whether you like it or not!
Just tell them politely that you are trying this new way of disciplining, and you would like them to do the same as you believe your son needs consistancy for discipline to work.
Remember that although they are doing you a favour by watching him sometimes (it sounds as if it's not full time while you're working), they are also getting to spend time with their grandson, so they should be willing to follow your wishes.
Good luck, hope it goes well.
2007-08-31 05:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥Mum to Superkids Baby on board♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have two kids (9 and 3). I do use spanking as a form of discipline when I feel it is needed. However, I would NEVER allow ANYONE else to spank my kids (including grandparents). You should just tell them that you no longer want your children spanked because you dont want them to feel that hitting is a solution to problems. Also, if they do not adhere to this let them know that they will no longer be asked to babysit and will unfortunatly miss out on quality time with the grandkids. I'm sure this will change their minds. Just remember, no matter what anyone says, your kids, your choice. Just make sure they dont become spoiled, bratty, or undisciplined.
2007-08-31 13:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by Denise Perez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call them up and tell them about this exciting new discovery. Tell them that since spanking hasn't seemed to have an effect on your children the way they did on you and your husband, that you started a search for the newest discoveries in child discipline and found something that sounds promising.
I think approaching it like you made a decision and put your foot down to them might come off arrogant and offensive, but making it sound like you are so happy to have found out this new thing and want to share this information with them because they are you parents (in law) and you love talking to them about important and exciting issues it will likely make them feel a part of your family rather than threatened.
Do it right away, long before they are watching your kids next.
If they disagree with your newfound decision, which they probably will, say something along the lines of "oh, well I though you would be excited for us and more supportive. We have really researched this and think it might be the best thing for us right now. We have spent a lot of time discussing it and we really believe that it's the right thing to do."
A statement like that will have to soak in for a few days but whether they wind up agreeing with you decision or not, they will respect you for being so upfront and it will lay the guilt on them for not believing in you rather than putting them on the defensive.
After a few days and you have had to use the new method at least once. call them up and let them know how it's working. Again, making them feel a part of the family.
When it's time to drop the kids off, subtly remind them of a situation where you have used the new method and preferred it.
2007-08-31 13:06:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anne 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would just ask that they respect yours and your husbands wishes on not spanking your child. You have made a decision not to use spanking in your home and you need anyone who is giving care to your child to respect your wishes. You do have to be prepared that it may change their minds about watching your children. Don't take it personally, not everyone is going to agree with your new style of parenting.
2007-08-31 12:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by blue eyes 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them they are not to spank your children anymore and give them the alternative. Make sure you are firm about it and that you will not take no for an answer. If your children tell you that they are still doing it then confront them about it and say they can no longer watch the children unless they stop spanking them.
2007-08-31 12:37:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you're trying something new. They don't need all the details in how you both came to this decision, but ultimately, it's your child, your decision.
I've raised three children, with no spankings. All three are educated, one is in the armed services, another is married with a baby, and the third bought his own home at 23.
I have a gorgeous granddaughter, and my daughter and son-in-law have their own parenting style.
I respect them as her parents, just as I raised MY children the way I wanted to...my children...should have the same opportunity.
I would NEVER choose daycare over spending precious time with my grandbaby.... that's hugs and kisses I'd miss.
Good luck !!!!
2007-08-31 12:20:42 · answer #6 · answered by amanacer99 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you no longer want the children to be spanked, then just tell your parents,
"We have decided that we no longer want to spank our children, and I know that we gave you permission to, when we did, but now that we are not, we would appreciate it if you would not spank them either. This is what we've decide to do in place of spanking..."
But at the same time, you can't expect them to adhere to your request. It is there home after all, and they are doing you a favor by watching your children, so in the end, they have the right to discipline as they see fit. Just as you have the right to not let them babysit if you don't like how they discipline.
Why did you change your mind? You want disrespectful, bratty kids? Oh well, that is entirely your desicion to make.
2007-08-31 12:18:51 · answer #7 · answered by stingray4540 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Be honest. Tell them this is a decision you and your husband have decided on.
Then go over the alternatives you use now for discipline.
( Connie Mom of 4 )
2007-08-31 12:22:02 · answer #8 · answered by connie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, as always, is the best policy. Simply tell your husband's parents about the decision you have reached. You don't owe them (or anyone else either, for that matter) an explaination.
2007-09-01 07:08:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you found spanking isn't working and let them know what you are doing now. If they don't abide by it hire a sitter and only visit as a family.
2007-08-31 14:06:01 · answer #10 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋