I sent out e-vites three weeks in advance, and a reminder 2 days in advance. Almost half the people who said "yes" didn't show, and none of the "maybes" showed.
I've lived here for 15 years, and I thought these people were my friends. I'm so mad, I don't know what to do.
2007-08-31 04:52:06 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Also, 6 people viewed the invitation but didn't respond at all.
2007-08-31 04:52:30 · update #1
I am not too old for a party. I had it at an awesome outdoor bar down, they had cheap drinks and tiki torches and live music - an awesome setting.
I'm just tired of going to all their crap - parties, showers, etc. when they can't even show up for my milestone. I know lots of people who have huge parties for their 30th, so it isn't just me.
2007-08-31 05:04:23 · update #2
I'm sorry your party didn't go according to plan. I can relate because my husband threw a surprise party for me 2 weeks ago that NOBODY showed up at. Talk about a sobering experience. Speak to them as normal and wait for the lame explanation to come. Then be done with it. There's no point to ruin the relationship with an acquaintance. But just keep in mind that behind that they really don't qualify as a friend and should be downgraded to an acquaintance.
2007-08-31 04:59:22 · answer #1 · answered by kriskabob 3 · 9⤊ 1⤋
I think in theory e-vites are great, but it's a casual invitation that encourages people to be casual about responding - and also about actually coming.
Also, I think there's a general decline in etiquette and good manners. I don't know your friends, but I have noticed that people I interact with seem to be getting worse about things like RSVP'ing and then not showing up to something once they say yes.
While I have been at parties that people threw themselves for their own birthdays and don't think it's tacky, some people might have thought that is was tacky. So this may be part of the reason for the no-shows.
As far as treating people post-party, I think I would leave it at a "I missed you at the party - I was looking forward to seeing you".
Maybe the next time you have a party try mailing paper invitations instead. If you have the same problem of people not RSVP'ing or saying they'll be there and don't, then I'd either quit inviting them to stuff or confront them (esp. the no-shows) and say that you didn't appreciate their not showing up without an explanation.
2007-08-31 09:20:11 · answer #2 · answered by Julie R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but you've just learned that some people you thought were your friends aren't. They're mere acquaintances. It's better that you learned the hard truth now than when you're in a pinch and need their help. Yes, your anger at those who did not show-up is justified, especially if you purchased all the fixings for a party and are now stuck with a lot of leftovers.
Before deciding on a course of action, take some time and think things through. You don't have to act *immediately*, but if you do act, it has to be done within a couple of weeks of the incident.
If you do speak to the no-shows, you can bet that they will be upset at you for confronting them about their rude behavior. They will then know that your party was a bust and they are likely to spread rumors about the party, making you look like a b*tch. Modern ethics and sensibilities are pretty warped, and you could be portrayed as being in the wrong for complaining. To avoid this problem, you will need help from your *true* friends. When your friends get wind about these nasty rumors, they will have to talk to the person either setting the person straight or, if the person was a no-show, telling the person that he or she was rude. They will have to explain why you got angry. If your true friends feel uncomfortable intercepting rumors (and this means checking blogs, facebook, myspace, etc), then it might not be a good idea to confront the no-shows.
2007-08-31 06:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Victoria 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Oh God I totally feel for you! That type of thing ALWAYS happens to me. Last month I had a grad party and the same thing happened. I was so angry.
There isn't much you can do about it. I mean, if you wanted to be snarky you could send out a group e-mail to everyone saying "Thanks to everybody who came, I had a really great time! Sorry the rest of you didn't come." Or somethign like that and see what they say. But like I said, that's probably a bit of a mean thing to do.
Or, the next time you have a party just don't invite them. What I do now is set a RSVP date. If I don't hear from them by that date, I assume they aren't coming (and I mention that in the e-mail I send out wheN I send the invitation). Then for food etc. I buy ONLY for the people who said "Yes" (and eliminate 10% of those people because not everybody ever shows up). If others didn't RSVP or come late, well it's not my fault. They get what's left.
I hope you had fun anyways though. I guess it really shows who your true friends are. Because your real friends knew how much it meant to you, even if it is just a b-day in their heads, and came out to see you.
2007-08-31 05:07:04 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
The next time you see them, simply say "Hello" and catch up. When the conversation gets to the "What have you been up to?" part, talk about the party: "Oh, not much. We had my birthday party this past weekend. It was a blast! You should've been there!". Don't, whatever you do, let them know you're upset about them not showing. Go on and on about the best parts of the party. They're guaranteed to feel bad for not showing and will more than likely give you a reason for not being there.
2007-08-31 05:01:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
My God, how many people did you invite? Half that said they would come didn't none of the maybe's and 6 didn't answer at all. I think you may have a misunderstanding as to what the meaning of friend is. Maybe you ought to examine how you treat them before you question how they treat you. If you only thought they were your friends they probably aren't. Your question looks rather self-centered, if it was, you're out of luck, if it wasn't, just forget it and go on with your life. And next time don't invite aquaintances, invite friends.
Happy Birthday
Adder: "I'm just tired of going to all their crap - parties, showers, etc. when they can't even show up for my milestone."
Just curious how you could be tired of going to the other parties when they can't show up for your's when the other parties you are tired of going to happened before your "milestone" I think your putting the cart before the horse. I think you should complain to all the rude people who didn't show up and then tell them you are going to have a 31st birthday party next year and they better darn well be there or you will never go to a shower again.
2007-08-31 05:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by georges10 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋
I would be hurt, but I wouldn't say anything to them. If they ask about the party, just tell them that it was a great time and you're sorry they missed it. No need to lecture anyone. It won't do any good. IMO, it's better to have a small group of dependable friends, than a large group of people who don't really care one way or the other.
2007-08-31 05:01:21 · answer #7 · answered by Linda D 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
That's disappointing. However, I would not say anything to them as if it was important to them they would say something to you and personally I wouldn’t want to give them the satisfaction of making them think it effected my special day at all.
I would just make some new friends and not pay much attention to the ones who did not show up, if they didn't have the respect to at least call and let you know they weren't going to make it after all, then they are not worth your time.
Happy 30th Birthday!!
2007-08-31 05:02:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Whatever you do, don't let them know that you're upset or mad. Simply act like nothing happened. Strike up a conversation, and gradually get to the topic about the party. Say that "You should have been there cause it was great!", or something like that. Something to make them regret that they didn't go to your party.
2007-08-31 05:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell them that they missed a great party and you wished they had been there, all of which is true.
Anger will not help you nor them.
Realize that many in this country have not been taught manners nor appropriate behaviors in regards to the feelings of others. This is a "me first" society.
Treat them just as you would like to be treated as love and kindness will work better the anger and resentment.
If you are a Muslim, Christian or Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, Jain, Sikh, Zoroaster, Shinto, Taoist, etc., just say a little pray that they wake up to how they treat others and then set an example for them to see as to what they should do. That way you improve yourself and everybody else.
As salaamu 'alaikym, my friend and a belated happy birthday to you.
2007-08-31 05:02:52 · answer #10 · answered by Big Bill 7 · 5⤊ 3⤋