Too many guests....?

Question

I have a large family (7 sisters and one brother, 28 nieces and nephews) and i can't afford to invite all of them and my friends, parents, ..... My fiance has a small family just one sibling and no neices or nephews. How do i decide who NOT to invite, without being rude or hurting anyones feelings? I am close with all of them. (I can't afford to feed them all at the reception is my problem)

Answer 1

Invite them all to the ceremony so they can share in your special day, but make the reception for adults only.

Answer 2

There are actually several ways to go about this.

You can decide a cut-off point based on relationship (siblings yes, cousins no), age (nobody under the age of sixteen, say). But if you're very close to a large number of people, someone will probably be at the very least disappointed by this. None of these choices are rude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn't mean people will enjoy being the ones who didn't make the cut. It is, however, up to them to find ways to cope.

If your primary purpose is to cut the number of bodies, then pick your method and do it that way.

On the other hand, you may wish to approach the problem from the other direction. You have x number of people you want to share the day with you. You have been quoted a price of y dollars per head to feed them. You cannot afford y.

You can change y as easily and as politely as you can change x.

Depending on the time of day you hold your wedding, you can cut the catering bill to a fraction of what it was. For instance, brunch or lunch cost less to have catered than dinner does. Cake and punch is perfectly correct between about two and four pm or after a fairly late evening wedding.

Also, your food choices will heavily influence your costs. Prime rib and salmon cost more than chicken. Heavy appetizers often cost less than a sit down meal.

Self-catering may also be an option for you. Stick to simple things that can either be made ahead or require little preparation, ask the good cooks around you for help. Just make sure you know what sort of food preparation facilities you'll have available before you set your menu. Oh, and make sure the venue allows for it. Some do, some don't.

Our reception menu was self-catered. We had a build-your-own sandwich station, green salad, potato salad, fruit salad, several small munchies (nuts, pickles, chocolates, mints), a platter of homemade sushi (my mother-in-law was Japanese and did this as a very generous impulse), and fruit tarts instead of cake for dessert.

We didn't spend much money, it wasn't difficult to do, and we fed roughly 100 people to the bursting point and sent enough leftovers home with some of our friends that it took them a week to go through them all.

So look at the question both from the angle of reducing the number of guests and from the angle of reducing the cost of the food served. Find the compromise that works for you and your fiance.

For my money, it's always people over menu. Your mileage may vary.

Answer 3

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
I WOULD NOT exclude anyone, especially if you say you are close with all of them. I would go ahead and invite your whole family, and, of course, your fiance's family and keep your friends to just CLOSE friends.

You say that you can't afford to feed them all....does your reception venue offer children's meals? This would be one way to save. Kids much prefer chicken strips than a fancy meal. Another way to save would be to have an alternative type of reception, such as a dessert reception or "finger" type foods and desserts. Personally, I don't think inviting all your family is too many guests. In the end, you will be happy that they were all there. If you had to cut anyone....I would cut some of the friends! Friends come and go, but your family will always be there! Good luck!

Answer 4

What about keeping the reception adults only? That way you don't have to worry about your neices and nephews and paying for them, but don't leave out one of your siblings or their spouses. If you're close to them, honestly your brothers and sisters and their spouses should be right after your parents on your guest list. They come before aunts, uncles, cousins and definitely before friends. If you invite other people ahead of your own siblings to your wedding, you will probably have permanently damaged your relationship with them. The one thing I've learned in my life is, my siblings (and I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers) are some of the only people in my life who are there for me unconditionally.

The other thing you can do is alter your reception. There's no rule that says you have to feed everyone a 5 course meal at your wedding reception. Keep the food to something you can afford. If you can't afford shrimp, have chicken. There's plenty of ways to save money on the reception, rather than cutting out people who should mean so much to you.

Also, you aren't going to be able to invite everyone you want. Everyone goes through this with wedding planning. You may even hurt someone's feelings, but it shouldn't be siblings. Friends will understand, and if they don't, they probably aren't a friend to begin with.

Answer 5

It is a very hard decision. Some people decide not to have children at their weddings. This brings the numbers down significantly. However, sometimes you have to have certain children there and in your case if you are very close with all of them you might have to have the children. Most reception places will charge you much less for children under a certain age. You should check that out. Maybe you just need to decide that you are going to do a small wedding with just family and no friends. Also, you have to consider that some people won't come because of distance and prior engagements. Well, I wish you luck and best wishes.

Answer 6

Here is an idea a friend of mine used in a similar situation... it worked out brilliantly!

Instead of the lavish, butlered affair most people try to have, simplify! Make your reception a "covered dish" deal. Ask everyone to bring something... groom's mother's family bring meats, groom's father's family brings drinks, your mother's family brings veggies, your father's family brings desserts. That way you can feed all of the family, kids included, and it is still intimate and CHEAP! If you feel guilty about having people bring food, tell them it is in lieu of gifts... most will still bring gifts.

Then, after the initial reception, have a small, adults only cocktail hour. Make it maybe 2 hours after the reception, so everyone has time to take the kids to a sitter.

That way you can include everyone in your celebration, but only shell out the money for drinks for the adults. MUCH cheaper, but no one feels left out!

Hope this works for you as well as it did for my friend!

Answer 7

have a ""pot luck"" reception at someone's house.
Keep the numbers to just adults.
afternoon ceremony followed by finger food reception with punch
When my daughter married 7 years ago - they aked the people they wanted to share their day - BUT as they most of what was needed - a request was made to the invitees to pay for their own meal rather than give gifts.the reception was at a reasonably priced restaurant
there are many ways to keep costs down ; still have those important to you share your day & have a GREAT celebration yourself.
having an elaborate reception does not make you any more married than having something simpler.
I am sure that your family would all be aware of your situation
If you are close to all your siblings I feel that you would want them all to share your day.

Answer 8

Keep it simple and inexpensive so that everyone can come. It is far more important to have your families there than to worry about what you are going to feed them. Have a cake and punch and some little sandwiches, fresh fruit, veggie plate for those who don't like sweets. You do not have to serve alcohol if you don't want to, and it is expensive.

If anyone complains about not being fed a meal, then explain to them that they can eat meals every day. Tell them that you are only getting married once, and you want them to be there to share in your joy and to witness your commitment to each other. A wedding is the birth of a marriage, not a free restaurant meal!

Good luck and may God bless you.

Answer 9

don't have a dinner reception. just have a small coctail reception, cake, punch ond maybe a fruit plate. or cut out the invites for casual aquaintences and co workers who would likely not show anyway. ypu could also make a no kids at the reception stipulation, but allow them at the wedding so they don't feel left out.

Answer 10

You can invite all of them and just to a cake and punch reception. That is perfectly acceptable. Or you can get a baby sitter for the small children so they don't have to attend the wedding.