Which is worse? Your kid being picked on? Or your child picking on others?

Question

Which do you think would be worse. Finding out that your child is the target of bullies? Or finding out that your child is targeting others? (Obviously, we wouldn't want to find out EITHER, and most would claim their child wouldn't be bullying if raised properly, but I'm just asking for opinions in a hypathetical way)

Answer 1

Depends on what position you're looking at.

If you're the parent, then you'd think that your kid targeting others would be worse because if it was ur kid who was the target, then you'd at least know that your kid was raised properly and its the other kids who have the problems. If your kid was targeting others, you, being the parent, would think it's worse because its showing that you didn't raise him/her up correctly.

If you're the child, you'd think being the target is worse because you're going through the bullies, the "getting beat up" thing, and the ridicule and trauma. From the child's point of view, you'll think that the bullies are the mean children, that its not that they weren't raised properly, but just that the bullies are mean. This is often the case because as the target, you'd fear the bullies.

Me: I hope I won't have to choose, but I think that your kid picking on others would be worse. It shows that its partially your fault that the child doesn't have good manners (which would stink as the parent), you'd feel a bit guilty for making other kids' lives kinda bad, and you'd be stressed out that because your child is somewhat of a bully, that the child wasn't focusing on homework and acedemics, which could really harm the future.

Me: I'm a 13-year old kid. =)

Answer 2

I think it would be worse to find out my child was being bullied than to find out they were the bully. It always hurts me when someone hurts my child. You can be there for your child, but you can't take away the hurt. If you find out that your child is a bully, then you can at least try to do something about it. You could work with the school to make sure your child is behaving and punish them when appropriate. That would be hard too though, because no one wants to think that their child is not a nice person. And it does seem to me that the parents of the kids I know who are bullies never will admit that their child is the problem. I like to think that I wouldn't be that way, but I guess you never really know how you will react until you are faced with a situation. And besides, my children are perfect angels. LOL.

Answer 3

That's very tough to answer, since both are bad. No one wants their child to be the one causing everyone else's children grief, yet having your child targeted is horrible as well.

I guess I would have to say that in all honesty, I would rather have my child being the bully rather than being the one picked on. Generally, kids grow out of the bullying phase, but the children that were picked on still carry the hurt feelings into adult life in alot of cases. I definitely wouldn't enjoy getting calls from school or other mothers informing me my child is making fun of other children and causing them grief, but having my child coming home crying because they are being made fun of would not only enrage me but break my heart as well.

Either way, I think all kids play the bully role at some point, and also get targeted by the bully at some point. It's almost unavoidable.

Answer 4

I'd be more worried if my child was the victim of bullying. It's hard on a kid to be bullied and much harder to change the kids behavior from passive to assertive.

If the child is a bully time will take it's course. Eventually there will be a bigger and badder kid that will make a bully think twice about bullying. Therefore changing the behavior.

I'm not condoning either, I hope there will be a day when kids can just go to school, get along and get the school work done.

Answer 5

The bullying child is worse, a child that bullies is one without respect for other, an unkind person, and one that will grow up with a hard life, while on the other hand, most of the time the bullied are the gentle, kind, unique gems in society. By unique i mean different, yet everyone dislikes the different, yet to some they are different as well.

Answer 6

well, i would say if my child was a bully i'd be horrified. i think it would be worse. but then, i was picked on a lot by bullies so i have a thing against them... i'd be very disappointed if my child became one. if my child were picked on, i guess that would give them the opportunity to learn some coping mechanisms, hopefully positive ones. (that is assuming it's not to the point of being harassed by bullies) it wouldn't be good, but at least the actual problem wouldn't be with my child.

Answer 7

I think the kid being picked. He would suffer a lot of emotional stress. It doesnt take much to be a bully. And bullies dont feel guilty. I dont agree with either way, but that is the way it is in schools now

Answer 8

I would go with being the bully, I would never want my child to be the one picking on kids.

Everyone in one way or another has been Picked on a bit, but I think parents and friends can instill confidence in children that have been picked on a bit.

But I would have a harder time, Dealing with my child if they were the one making others feel bad.

Make sense?

Answer 9

As the mother of a child who was bullied from the 4th through the 9th grade, and who is now starting to be mouthy to others (he is a senior,) I can tell you emphatically, I preferred it when he was bullied! I did not raise my child to treat others with disrespect and it truly hurts me every time I hear him say something bad about others - particularly when I know he knows how it feels. Most kids will grow past the "I'm being bullied stage," unfortunately, those who bully do not. They grow up to be lousy bosses, husbands and fathers.

Answer 10

It's the responsibilty of the kid's parents or guardian on how to behave in society so a typical kid is bulling kids in school or elsewhere is a victim of abuse or neglect himself especially if raised in the foster care system. So either way it doesn't even matter if a kid bullying others or a kid is being bullied by others.