Hi just wanted opinions on this. My son is unemployed - has been for years. he is looking for a job but no luck so far. he has set date for wedding (soon)! but the company that they want to go with is costing about 3k. he wants me to pay deposit which is 1k but i have doubts as worry there is no way he will be able to afford to pay balance. his fiancee works part time. i dont want to appear mean but worry that i will end up having to pay for it all. also feel you should live by your mean s etc . I know it can be done cheaply as my friend got married recently and only spent £500. but then again that was her second wedding. What do you think? what should i do? i dont want to cause problems with my future daughter in law either - her parents are unable to contribute as they dont work.
2007-08-31 02:33:41 · 45 answers · asked by cottontail 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks everyone the problem is that he knows i have money from some inheritance that i got. so very difficult
2007-08-31 02:45:37 · update #1
Wow. This is not a nice place to be, for sure!!!
I agree with the others who have said this is a recipe for disaster. It's not your responsibility to fund their wedding. You may if you wish, but don't feel responsible.
I also am a staunch believer in never loaning money you expect to get back (it just makes life easier).
What I would recommend doing (assuming, of course, you want to help him pay for the wedding), is to give him X number of dollars, and say - "Here is what I can contribute to the wedding, please use it however you wish - flowers, the hall, liquor, etc. whatever. Go to the courthouse and use the money on a house - that's okay, too! But I cannot and will not contribute any more, you need to finance the rest yourselves."
2007-08-31 04:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by sylvia 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know this may be a bit late as he has booked the date but I can only suggest that you sit him down and say that you will pay the deposit IF he gets a job first and sticks to it. Maybe suggest postponing the wedding, finding a job and being in employment for a few months before setting the date again. If he can prove he can stick to the job then you will pay the deposit but you will not pay a penny more. If he really loves this girl and wants to get married, he will pull his finger out and find a job. He has to prove that he can provide for them both before getting married and maybe they should look at making it cheaper as they will not be earning too much between them. I really think you should put your foot down here and be firm. it is not that difficult to find a job, he could do anything for now if he is serious about getting married and playing at being grown up. I think you are right, you would end up paying for the whole thing and that is totally unfair if her parents are not going to contribute. Be firm! He will appreciate it in years to come when he realises without you, he could have become just another waster.
2007-08-31 03:26:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to them about it in a nice manner and explain what you have told us. Some people are saying don't pay the deposit but that depends on you as to if you can afford it or not - I don't think saying no is going to help him get a job as I sure he is trying, do they need this type of wedding? can it not be a few friends at registry office. If its a bigger wedding they want then £3000 is very good - my daughter had a medium sized wedding last year and it cost them £8000. Can they not wait until they can afford it, as starting married life with debts is a bad idea. good luck.
2007-08-31 02:48:03 · answer #3 · answered by Jackie M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not lend the money. You won't get it back. Also, there are too many people unemployed for comfort..... Just because you're the only mature person with a job doesn't mean you should have to pay all the bills. Love has to be tough sometimes and say no. When he decides he wants to work he will find a job. Marriage is A LOT of work - he doesn't sound like he's ready for the responsibility.
2007-08-31 04:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by dfaithful1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a very sad, hard situation, but I would tell him that if they really love eachother and want to get married, that he needs to get a job and put the deposit down. If you dont, you most likely will lose that money all together if you dont end up paying more to pay the rest of it off. If he is adult enough to get married, than he is adult enough to help out. Maybe, if you want to, make a deal with him, that if he puts the deposit down, you will contribute $1000 to help pay it off. That way, if he cant come up with the remaining $1000 at least it is his money that will be lost. When it is his own money that will be lost, he will work harder to pay it off. If it is your money that will be lost, he wont be able to recognize how important and how much of an impact it is to lost that money. Make him own the responsibility. I wish you the best of luck, but dont be the one to put the deposit down.
You also might want to remind them that 50% of marriages end in divorce and the primary reason for divorce is financial issues. If they are already starting off with financial issues, his future does not look bright.
2007-08-31 05:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How convenient for these people that they don't work. Your son could have at least been working part-time while job searching. I worked full-time my entire way through college and I am back in school earning a higher degree, which will force me to quit my current job to meet school requirements (at that time I will be finding a job in retail or at a restaurant to work part-time just to keep a flow of income). I think you will absolutely end up paying for the entire wedding. Your son and future daughter-in-law need to get full-time jobs in order to help pay for their wedding. If they are insistent upon now working, you should tell them that they will have to get married with what they can afford.
Love and marriage shouldn't have a price tag. They could certainly have a small ceremony and backyard reception for a couple hundred dollars.
2007-08-31 03:34:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no way on God's green earth that I would put up any money for my unemployed son to get married. As for not wanting to cause problems with my future daughter in law, that's tough beans. Neither one of them have any responsibility between them if they don't see the big picture. No job....No wedding. If they want to be married that bad, do it the cheapest way possible. No bells...no whistles. Which means no formal ceremoney and no reception. Let them pay for it themselves. How long is mom going to support them? Her parents do not work....what does that tell you about your future daughter in law? Sonny boy needs to pay his own way!
If he doesn't understand why his mother shouldn't be paying for his wedding or even a deposit for his wedding than he needs a serious reality check.
2007-08-31 02:52:00 · answer #7 · answered by mrsdeli 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your son is getting married not you, so he should get a job to pay for it not expect you to pay. if they want a big wedding then he had better start working towards it, they can always have a cheap wedding and get a blessing later on when they are more financially sound. I would tell him that you can not afford a big wedding but will buy them the cake they want, it is traditional for the brides parents to pay anyway, if they want the big wedding then they should pay, or pay the deposit and leave the rest to them, getting married is about celebrating the love between to people not have much money they can spend. stay strong and hope it all works out for you.
2007-08-31 02:49:04 · answer #8 · answered by fruitcake 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I dont beeen to sound rude, if your son is getting married he should take any job to gather some money together. if he really tried he would find something, stop being so soft. No doubt he knows that you have came into money, a great reason for him to sit on his backside and let you wonder were the money is coming from, for his wedding. Do your son a favour, take a back seat and let him deal with his own responsibilities, he will thank you in the end
2007-08-31 12:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difficult one. How can your son find £2k if you stump up the initial £1k? My guess is that you could end up paying the lot and that sounds unfair to me. Why has your son been out of work for years? Presumably he is young and healthy. Who has been supporting him - you? My eldest daughter got married a few years ago and there wasn't much money. We did a DIY affair. My son-in-law and I did the food for the wedding buffet, we used my house for the reception and I bought 3 fruit cakes, from M&S and pillars, to turn it into a wedding cake. It took place on Christmas Eve and was lovely, everyone said so. Oh, yes, and we also took our own photos.
2007-08-31 02:50:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋