my sons dad has recently tried to return to his life after a long period of time. he didn't pay child support or anything. my son is 14. he does not want to see or have anything to do with him because of it. his dad wants me to force him to go or set up a meeting between them. my son says he does not want to see him period. do you think i should force him to go?
my son does not respect him at all he will not call him his dad but rather by his first name. this upsets his father greatly but my son says he is not his dad, he is his father and there is a difference
2007-08-31 01:47:00 · 16 answers · asked by hardyw 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your son is 100% right...there is a difference between a father and a dad and he has a father. A dad is always there for you no matter what. Your son is old enough to know what he wants. I would not force him to see his dad at all. He will hate you for it. However talk to your son and tell him that if he sees him he can tell his father in person how he feels and what he wants. Getting all of this out may help him get over the anger and hurt. I would also suggest getting some counseling for your son and then maybe he can meet his father in a session and work out his feelings in a safe environment.
2007-08-31 01:55:52 · answer #1 · answered by chris d 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should encourage your son to try to have a relationship with his dad, but never force him. Your son has every right to be upset and not comfortable around his father. When you speak to his father telll him the truth, "Look our son doesn't want to have a relationship with you because you've never been there before. I've tried talking to him and he insist that he would rather not be around you. You did it to yourself when you decided you didn't want him in your life until now. Give it some time, hopefully as he gets older things will change". Then leave it at that. I know your ex is very hurt, but I'm sure not as hurt as your son!
2007-08-31 08:57:20 · answer #2 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I remember my dear Mother having to work 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to support us and how hard it was on her because my SORRY AZZ "dad" wouldn't support her.
When I was about 16 I really wanted to see him but it WASN'T to talk!!!!!
I Thank God I didnt find that SORRY bassturd.
I can definitely understand your sons absolute refusal to see him because even a child knows just how sorry and UNforgivable that is!
I found out my "dad" died in a horrible car accident when I was around 34 years old,a logging truck load shifted and the logs crushed him,and I laughed.
This may seem cruel or whatever to some but I remember all too well the pain and difficulty it caused my Mother so I could care less what others think about my views concerning worthless "dads".
I think you're doing the right thing by letting him decide.
2007-08-31 09:27:05 · answer #3 · answered by dedmunne 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the same thing happened when i got divorced my sons were about 13 and 14 just give him some time he will come around but do not force him mine also said that was not their dad but their father believe it will all work out
good luck
2007-08-31 08:58:41 · answer #4 · answered by deb a 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you son is angry, with good reason. 14 is a tough age to begin with and having this over his head just makes it harder. i wouldn't force him at all. he needs to feel as if he has at least a little control of his life b/c right now, he probably doesn't feel he has any. he know's this man wants to see him and maybe in time he'll decide he wants to ask him a few things but for now, i'd leave it alone. your ex has no right to try to force anything on your son and if he's half a man, he'll understand why the boy wants nothing to do with him. if he pushes it, he isn't even half a man. he knows he blew it, now he has to deal with it.
2007-08-31 10:01:39 · answer #5 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son is old enough to make that decision on his own, and your ex should respect your son. Plain and simple! If your ex takes you to court over it, your son will be able to tell the judge he DOES NOT want to see his dad and tell him WHY!
From what you've said, I can't blame your son!
2007-08-31 08:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by Linda S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should only force him IF it was you who fed his head with what a terrible father he has. IF you did this to your son, it's up to you to do some talking about where you failed as a mom.
Are you sure it was your son who was upset about NO child support or was it upsetting more to you?
I wouldn't force the issue. Your son is 14, he's old enough to make up his mind, but you have to stop and think if it wasn't you who put alot of the negative in his mind.
Fathers and mothers too, that haven't been present in their childs lives, alot of times have grown up years later and want to bed for forgiveness and alot of times, their due that.
2007-08-31 09:13:16 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I wouldn't force him. the child is obviously hurting - understandably. He's 14 years old, not yet an adult, but old enough to know right from wrong & he knows it's wrong that his father has been absent. Give him the opportunity to meet with him, but don't force it. he'll only resent you.
2007-08-31 09:45:11 · answer #8 · answered by PrincessJ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
show ur son that his dad really wants to change their relationship. like make the dad call him a cople of times or something, make the dad write him a letter, show him that he wants to talk to him bt don't force him to talk to him at all. cause he might turn against you, for forcing him so just let him come to his dad. jst like a doggy, if it wants to come to you it will come but if u come to it, it might trn ugly :) GOOD LUCK!!!! DON'T FORCE HIM TO DO IT!!!!!!!!
2007-08-31 09:13:34 · answer #9 · answered by red sox (81) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
any penis can be a father a dad is something special.i have a simular situation.i dont stop my son from talking to his father but he doesnt want to talk to him.and he does not want to see his father.and i would not force him to.pay back is a *****.but i would respect what your SON wants and screw the sperm Donner.
2007-08-31 09:10:37 · answer #10 · answered by john c 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋