My dear sweet daughter packed up and went to live with her dad during the month of May. (who lives right down the road). We had an argument regarding her b/f -- she wanted to stay overnight at his house! I laid the law down and off she goes -- anyhow! While at her dad's (who works all the time and is rarely home) -- she got her bellybutton pierced! (not professionally, but by a friend of a friend)......I just found this out (yesterday) by finding "weird jewelry" sitting on her bathroom sink. (I was in there fixing the towel rack she broke). I asked her about it and she admitted it. Thought it looked "cute." I have always told her no piercings! no tatoos! Nothing like this til you are over the age of 18 and out on your own. She knows how I feel about this -- always has - but yet....she did it anyway. I'm at a loss -- yes, she's 17 --- but! still!! by the way, she's back living with me (stayed with her dad a month only).....I'm at a loss....do I just throw up my hands?
2007-08-31 00:17:44 · 11 answers · asked by flopsy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I understand your frustration. I'm sure you have tried all kinds of things. Maybe it's time to come together and talk like adults and get to some common ground on what will be allowed and what is unacceptable behavior for both of you. Don't argue about something, just put it aside until you both are calmer and can talk about. But put it all on paper. Make is a legal binding agreement between the both of you. Be fair, be realistic, but be demanding and consistent about certain things. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "pick your battles". Because what might seem really important at the moment, won't be in the next. Take time to really consider the important things that could impact you and her for many years to come. I sure wish you the best of luck!
2007-08-31 01:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not easy for you, but it sounds like it could seem not easy for her either. At least the belly button piercing is not necessarily permanent, large or commonly seen with a lot of clothes. It is easy for someone else to say, but maybe you could pick your battles - eg. sleeping with the boyfriend is probably a bigger deal, as would drugs be, and a tattoo. Maybe she will be less likely to hide things if you are a bit more willing to discuss them and consider her perspective - even if you don't like it, if it is not really a serious one, maybe tell her what you think and why, but save putting your foot down for when you really need to (will give her less to rebel against). At least she is back home with you as the parent with more time for her. Hopefully it stays that way. Maybe this is a terrible idea, but what would her reaction be if you got a belly button ring yourself (even if it was just a fake one)?! Maybe it is a bad idea, but maybe she would get a laugh out of it and see that it is not just all telling her what to do, that you do care about her and want to get on. Good luck with it.
2007-08-31 07:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by Max 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really got a tough problem. But somehow things will get better by handling the situation with a positve outlook. Just keep your fingers cross that somehow your daughter will come to realize that you were just doing as other mothers also been doing. I just hope she felt your guidance because of your great love and not just because it is your responsibility of pretecting her. You've through that stage at age 17, probably you already knew what a teenager wants. I am pretty much sure you can handle that matter.
2007-08-31 07:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by Bernie G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do now. If she is back with you now, just tell her how you feel. She will probably be doing a lot more soon when she is 18. Get used to it. The only thing you can do is put them out on their own, and sometimes that is just not the best thing to do. It is always a judgment call. It depends on how bad it is. I generally just try to pick and choose my battles, or my son just stops listening all together because he thinks I am nagging. He is almost 20 now, and so far, so good!!!
2007-08-31 07:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1)do u nremember how it was like wen u were 17, did u act like this?u mite hav cos o hormones many teens wanna be cool cos of this. i am 14 but cannot xperience teenage mentally due to one of my 11 mental problems.(see my questions). so try and understand her
2)try band control her more at the most burn her if she disobeys you
3)be more strict
4)temperiirly disown her and let her live at dads she will learn that u r de responsible parent n come back 2 u probs but remmber ure taking a gamble.
2007-08-31 07:32:53 · answer #5 · answered by noob hustler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's about all you can do. But you need some serious ground rules about the b/f and stay overs, and her staying over with the b/f. You'll be raising a grandson or granddaughter soon if you don't. Also some serious rules about alcohol and drugs. Or you may be visiting them in jail, if not the grave.
2007-08-31 07:27:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur concerns r real genuine. But u can identify with her urge to be the centre of attention of her group whether engaging in adult or rebellious activities. Rebellion against parents is the biggest high as she feels in control at last. Win over by talking to her u did exactly the same or at least felt the urge to do the same .Include her father in ur ploy to expose her bf.Remember, she is precious than ur egos.
2007-08-31 07:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by swati_chhavi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no never throw up your hands.. you cant cop-out on a kid..You need to keep doing what youre doing lay down the law and if she tries to leave threaten her.. if you leave you can not come back. if you want to get yourself peirced and try to act like an adult then you are going to get a job.. pay rent here and contribute like an adult... (if that works in your situation) i had to wait til i was eighteen to do anything when i was growing up... and i waited because i knew my mom would seriously kick me out...plus i understood that a mother spends her whole life trying to make sure their kids dont get hurt and to go put holes in your body is like a kick in the teeth..
sounds like she has other issues.. at 17 its time to grow up stop acting out look for a college and make future for yourself... talk to her father tell him that she is not allowed to go there when you are in an argument until its fixed.. she cant run wawy everytime she dosent get her way, so you and he need to be a united front when it comes to raising your daughter... so next time she tries to leave, you tell her no, youre dads not going to allow you in until you deal with me... then you can go and stay.make sure he says the same..then call him when she is allowed to leave your house.. i know its hard as a parent to say no and when you split from your husband its even harder to make rules that are actually enforced and followed but its the only way to raise a happy healthy child... talk to ur ex and figure something out.... good luck
2007-08-31 07:36:47 · answer #8 · answered by e.kess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you hope whoever pierced her belly button knew what they were doing and you hope she knows how to keep the site clean. If she gets an infection, let her learn on her own of what can happen and she won't think it's so cool then.
2007-08-31 07:49:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk with God about her (in prayer!!!) and be a good mother for your daughter...let her know how you think and tell her that she has to choose between LIGHT and dark! Have you ever read to her about God's Word! Try to find out things that can help her...and don't forget to pray for wisdom...we all need wisdom from God.
2007-08-31 07:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by tatal_nostru2006 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋