(This question is from my almost Sister in Law)
what to do about alcoholic boyfriend who is an asshole while drinking but awesome while sober? staying with brother right now overnight have 17 month old baby please help me?
2007-08-30 20:53:42 · 19 answers · asked by carls812 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My SIL (who wrote the question) is living with her fiance. She has been working on his drinking problem for two years. She says he seems to be making some progress, but not enough. He is not physically dangerous to her or the baby, just verbally. They just moved to town so things were already stressful. He said some very emotionally damaging comments about her parenting, and I went and got her and the baby.
2007-08-30 21:07:03 · update #1
It is very comon for a alcoholic to have a good demeaner when he is sober. You said your sister-in-law is working on his drinking proublem. When did it become her proublem?You can't change a person who has no desire to quit drinking. The best way for your sister-in-law (or almost), to inprove her life and to make things better for her child is to go to Alonon meetings. She will learn what is best for her to handle her life. If he wants to get sober he should go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. If he doesn't think he is a alcohol, her best move is to get as far away from this person as she can. Alcoholics don't get better when they are sober, they just build more resentments, then when they drink again they release all their built up anger. She may have to look at why she in love with a person who she would let treat her in a bad way. And why she would be willing to over look his bad behavior, and putting her young child threw it. He may be a great person when he isn't drinking, but what does that account for if he is still a butthead when he has tied on a few?I have been sober for over thirteen years with the help of AA. "All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better". I hope your sister-in-law (so to be) will realize that it is not to late to ask him to seek help. If he is willing to do so, they should live apart till he has stopped drinking for a least a year. I hoped I have helped. aafrienddonnaj@yahoo.com
2007-08-30 21:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Living Life 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my fiance` and I first got together, he drank so much and it caused problems for the both of us. People always say you can't change someone and you really can't. I mean you can BUT they have to be willing to change as well. My fiance` started off drinking a gallon of vodka in one night and 30 packs by the day. We would get into a lot of arguments because of the drinking. Luckily he is not a violent drunk, just a retarded drunk and would fall everywhere, hurt himself from falling and break things on accident. Still, it was too much for me. We talked and talked about it a lot. Of course I didn't just want him to stop drinking just because I wanted it, but also for his safety and health and for our future kids. He eventually stopped with the vodka and 30 packs and went down to 18 packs. He'd drink them so fast he'd still be drunk! So we agreed to 12 packs. He don't drink like he use to, not even close to it and I'm very happy! He now drinks once or twice a month and not to get drunk, but to enjoy it and every once in a while I drink with him too. It took time, someone can't just immediatly stop or down the amount of alcohol they drink. If your boyfriend loves you and knows that his drinking bothers you and hurts you, he WILL try his best to do something about it. My fiance` has, even after his friends tell him they wouldn't stop for any woman. He has to want to do it for you and for him or else it won't stop. Maybe you should take the time to talk to him about it and let him know how it affects the relationship and ask him to try and cut down some little by little. I promise if he loves you, he will do it. If he don't then you don't need him, and you can find better. I hope that all works out well for you and if you ever need to talk you can message me on yahoo. My screen name is: iluvhim83
Good Luck
2007-08-30 21:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum - the drink or the family. If he chooses to go to AA, and straightens himself out, then all well and good. Support him through it, but don't be with him, until he's sober. If he chooses the drink - get out. Your sister and the baby do not need a person in their life that has a Jeckle and Hyde personality due to drink.
He may be a great guy when sober, but if he is unpredictable when drinking, then you can't count on him. Who knows what he might get up to, what he might do if he got drunk? Your sister owes it to the child to keep him/her safe. And her boyfriend is not safe.
2007-08-30 21:04:25 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need 2 get find out where u can take him 4 some help. let him know about what u found. if he doesn't want 2 go or makes any excuses 4 him not 2 go then u need 2 leave him. u can only do so much 4 some1 that has a problem like that, u can take them so far and they have 2 do the rest. u don't need 2 b w/ some1 who won't remember what happen the day something incredible happened in ur lives.
2007-08-30 21:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by cherryblossom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused, is it your brother? Do they have a 17 month old baby? If this is true, then I'd tell her to tell him when he's sober that they need to talk about his drinking. If he refuses then I'd leave if it was me. It sounds like she's in danger. Get him some help.
2007-08-30 21:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by abmainer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay if he's a violent drunk and he's not willing to change then get out of there... there is nothing you can do to save it. Sure he might be the best when he's sober... but what about those times when you need him to look after the baby? Can he be trusted?
You need to talk to your boyfriend about cutting down on his use, firstly you need to find out whether he's willing to change, because if he's not then you might as well give up.
Secondly don't for crying out loud make him give it up completely, its not fair especially if they are addicted, ask him to cut down.
Personally I wouldn't stand for it full stop, but that's me, especially with a small baby.
2007-08-30 21:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is an illness. Then again, shacking up with an alcoholic and involving a baby with that sort of mayhem is pretty sick in my book, too. If he can't accept that he's an alcoholic and can never, ever drink again, get rid of him. The baby deserves better. You might not, but the baby does.
2007-08-30 21:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
She should leave him until he can get some help.
He is a danger not only to himself but to her, the baby and anyone else he may come across while drunk (e.g. driving).
2007-08-30 20:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you are important enough for him, then he will stop drinking. If not, they you are not worth the money for a 12 pack to him.
2007-08-30 20:59:11 · answer #9 · answered by dontblamemeivoted 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will be a real nightmare for your life, get ridd of him or sent hin to AA and if he doesnt go, he will never go.
2007-08-30 20:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by mansongirl17us 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋