He didn't tell me he had another child.....?

Question

I have a HUGE drama in my life and would like some unbiased opinions.

I have been in a relationship with a guy who is from Mexico for 6 months now. We were friends a year before. 7 years ago (he's 25) had a baby with a woman who he was in a relationship with. Things turned sour and they broke up. He moved here to the states 3 years ago and a year later (I still did not know him) he and her tried to start things again and she became pregnant (again) and I had always thought he only had one child. It turns out that he has two children, and didn't know until recently that the baby who is now 7 months old was his (the mother had another relationship and for that they are broken up). She came to my work a few days ago and talked to me. She told me that she is married to him even though they are not (I've talked to his brother and family) She is still in love with him and has been calling his home and saying lies about me that I am unfaithful.

The problems we have had have been absolutely unbearable due to the baggage that he carries. He is not with this woman and hasn't been with her since two years ago. I understand he will always be connected to her because she is the mother of his two children. I love him more than anything but somehow I feel as though I am in the middle of something and my parents think I am a moron because I don't hate my boyfriend. I am only 20 and in school and they think this is the biggest mistake ever. What are y'alls opinions on this?

Answer 1

Yes, I think you're making a mistake that could turn into a life-changing huge mistake if you don't end things NOW. Sweetie, is this REALLY the type of man you want to spend your life with? You're 20 for goodness sake!! Find a guy your own age who has similar values and background to have fun with. You don't need to be getting serious with anyone....and certainly not someone who has 2 kids!!! If he hasn't been honest w/ you about this, I would wonder what else he hasnt' been honest about and whether or not he'd lie in the future to you. He just doesn't sound like the best guy for you. I would break it off now. Let he and his ex live in their drama-filled world together. it sounds like they deserve each other.

Answer 2

I guess my big question is did he always know he had this scond child and not tell you? If he did that is a big relationship no no. You don't know around not telling people about children that exist. And if this is the case why woulden't he. Did he have something to hide? Did he not belive the baby was his what? Whatever the reason that is a pretty big lie. I would have to side with your parents on this one. You have a trifecta going on here. You have a liar, a babymoma drama, and stepchildren. Do you really want this all at the age of 20. Please for goodness sake go find yourself someone who is unattached. Who does not lie to you from the get go. Someone who is not carrying baggage. Believe me stepparenting is not a walk in the park. Not to say it is not possible but you already are not getting along with his childrens mother how do you really think thats going to go?. Like you said yourself he will always have a bond w/ her. You know he is a liar. What else might he lie about? Gotta wonder. You are too young and there are too many men. Good luck girl.

Answer 3

Let me tell you from experience - this will never end. You are only 20 and have been dating him for 6 months...I would run as fast as I could the other way. He has already lied - I don't care if I had 10 children I would never lie that I had them - you would have to accept them as well.

You are too yound there are so many men that have no kids and you could start a fresh relationship with someone who is into you. Your parents are correct.

My sister married someone with 2 daughters 10 years ago and his wife who wouldn't leave him and now her alone - it has never ended some spouses don't ever stop. She has been miserable the whole time - and he will always have that connection and will have to listen to her when it comes to the kids. She will always want more money also.

Seriously think about it - if you already have this much drama - think if you married him - it would be unbearable.

Answer 4

He withheld extremely important information from you..that alone is disturbing enough to warrant a breakup. Did he explain why he didn't tell you about the first child?

My husband has 3 children which we have full custody of. After I had been dating him for a month or so I asked him out of the blue if he had any other children other than the 3 he had custody of. He told me yes. He has a child who is about 17 years old now and he has only seen him once in his life (when he was about 1 year old.) The mother did not want my husband to be involved with the child and he was young and agreed. Had he lied to me and I eventually found out the truth I don't think I could have stayed with him. He didn't volunteer the info and it's kind of ironic that I thought to even ask...but his honesty was critical in my decision to keep seeing him.

Had he lied and I found out later (which I would have found out since I have read divorce and custody papers and the child is discussed within these papers) I think I would have completely lost trust in him and would have had to strongly reconsidered my choice in staying with him. Why did he not let you know about the child? And more importantly, what does that say about your future with him and any children that you may have with him?

Answer 5

If I was you I would break up with him until things smooth over. Because first of all you are only twenty and you are going to school. you shouldn't be in this kind of drama right now. You should give him a chance to sort out his feelings alone. Where he can decide what he wants to do without worrying about you and what you would think. If you guys are meant to be you guys will eventually get together. But like I said it's too much baggage for such a young age.

Answer 6

He has a lot of things in his life to sort out, and I really don't see how you could make anything better right now. There is a young baby involved, and all his extra time should be with his children, not with you. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but I don't think all your stress will be worth it in the end. What kind of man doesn't acknowledge his own flesh and blood anyways? He should be proud, and that shouldn't have been a secret. For that I don't think he's worthy of your love.

Answer 7

This guy has not been honest with you to begin with.
The fact that he keeps "screwing up" is enough of an indicator that this is a loser. The drama will never abate. If you actually married the guy, your paychecks could be garnished to pay his child support.

Now his psycho "ex" is hunting you down at work? Stalking you at work? Uhhh... no. Nuh-uh. Are you going to wait until she comes at you with a shiv?

Listen to your gut and cut this one loose and move on to find someone who will respect you enough to be honest with you.

In your case, I would also suggest developing a business relationship with a Private Investigator... when you think you might be wanting to get serious, get a background search first so you won't wind up with a replay of this, or worse.

Answer 8

I think you're making the biggest mistake ever also. Unless you like huge drama, find someone unencumbered and able to focus solely on you.

Answer 9

You could always quit school and go live with them in the trailer park and have ten babies.

Answer 10

I agree with your parents too
find someone else