My fiancee and I have been together for almost three years now. Just recently, we moved closer to her parents house and they've started inviting themselves over at their own conveniance. We both hate unexpected guest, more me than her. What can we do to avoid this? Her parents are extremely sensitive and DRAMATIC, so what can I do or say without having them regret taking me in as their own daughter??? PLEASE HELP!!!
2007-08-30 18:31:16 · 13 answers · asked by Iesha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
AND.. I forgot to mention... She's afraid to stand up to them because of their past dramatic/sensitive tantrums. Once, we left out the back door as they we're ringing the doorbell and when we came back there was a very cruel note left under the door telling us how they felt unappreciated and used (for wasting gas to come over)... And the mother ALWAYS tells us how we need to improve something in our house during every visit!!! " This should go there- You should try this- Why is that over there instead of here- When are you going to buy new ...- etc. etc. etc. We just moved here in February (yes we have been dealing with it for that long) so everything's practically new!! The only conclusion we've come to is moving again and when her parents found out they we're upset because its "to far to drive"... GOOD!!!!
2007-08-30 18:49:19 · update #1
If they are that dramatic then what ever you say they will take it out of context. You have to be firm and honest with them and expect the unexpected. Let them know that you appreciate their company and you know that they are excited that you moved closer to them, but it would be better if they call before they show up unannounced. Let them know that you are not telling them that they are not welcome it's just that you need your privacy and respect. Also let them know that when they show up they may be interrupting them when they are doing something private or romantic. Sometimes people just want to be left alone and when people show up suppose you were not home they would get mad because you were not there and did not tell them. You have to let your wife know that you both need to tell them it has to come more from her then from you that is her parents, but they have to understand that you are grown and that you do have your life and they have to give you your space.
2007-08-30 18:41:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to establish some boundaries fast. Your fiancee needs to sit them down and talk to them in the nicest way possible, and ask them to at least call first before heading over. The fiancee needs to show some backbone for the sake of both your sanity.
Screen calls with the answering machine.
Don't answer the door when they drop in, and if that won't work, you grab your bag and tell them you were just about to head out to
Take the prerogative to set regular dinner dates with them so they won't feel the need to drop in. Get them on some kind of schedule.
2007-08-31 01:43:31 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most of these answers amuse me. If you do any research on this site were it is the wife's in-laws the answers are so harsh and mean. "Tell the momma's boy to cut the apron strings", "tell your husband to grow a pair", "tell them to butt out of your life", ect., ect., ect..
These answers are so much kinder because it is the woman's parents. Makes me laugh!
Seriously your best bet is to just be honest with them. It can be done in a kind way. Just insist they call before they come over. That is not to much to ask from anyone, including parents. That is just good manners. This could be just the tip of the iceburg for things to come.
2007-08-31 12:12:14 · answer #3 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not suggest you to do or say anything or they will resent it. This should come from her. You and her need to have a discussion and come to an agreement and she needs to then gently discuss this with her parents. They might not be quite as dramatic as you might think or maybe they are who knows. But either way she has to be the one to do it because they are her parents. They probably want to spend time around both of you to get to know you right now and they are still missing their daughter. But she needs to let them know their boundries. If she doesn't this could continue forever. She could say for example mom dad we love you coming by but sometimes we have other things planed and you do show up in the middle of things and then because I love you so much I feel obligated to cancel on my other friends. Now I know you taught me better than that but I feel maybe it would be better if you could call ahead and let us know when you guys are coming. Hope all goes well.
2007-08-31 01:40:46 · answer #4 · answered by Darkchild 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No matter what age you are, parents see you as a child. you can be fifty and they see you as ten. Parents always going to put their nose in where it don't belong. But they need to know when to back off some. Wearing out your welcome is no good.
An everyday visit can be hair pulling, even when they come up and inside during sex. Maybe a sign saying ring door bell before come in, or they need to stand outside and let someone invite them in.
But you are going to have to tell them. Hey I want some time to our self, just becuz we are close we don't need to be glue together either. You and her both need to talk to them. But when they do, and if it goes sour.
Well they can get over it. Life goes on. But remember you r dating the daughter not the parents.
2007-08-31 01:39:32 · answer #5 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Try going out more often or all they have to do is catch you in a compromising position when you don,t answer the door. They will soon will get the idea.Can she have a talk with her parents and ask them if they can call first before they come over in case you have other plans?
2007-08-31 01:39:58 · answer #6 · answered by warriorbabe 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a very hard situation. We moved 1000's of kms away to get away from my in-laws. You and your fiance need to set boundaries with her parents. My husband is still trying to do this at a great distance, for the past 6 years. I would suggest reading "Toxic Parents" and "Toxic In-laws". Help can also be found at http://www.motherinlawstories.com/ and http://www.ihatemyinlaws.com
2007-08-31 06:24:36 · answer #7 · answered by PLDFK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husbands family are the same but I set the example by ALWAYS calling THEM before just showing up,... and one time they tried just to come over but we pretended not to be home and when we were asked about it I said: Do I ever come over without asking? Then I said: Treat others like u want to be treated....
2007-08-31 01:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by Justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it is her job to talk to them. She should explain, politely, that you would appreciate a call before they come over. Explain that you may have plans or just feel the need for some time alone.
2007-08-31 01:41:13 · answer #9 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sit down with your fiance and explain the way you feel about her parents frequent intrusions... she should talk to them about it not you. if she suggests to her parents that maybe they should come around slightly less or at the least announced, it'll come across as a daughter needing her privacy, if you suggest it, it'll seem more like criticism.
talk it out, you don't want to end up like the poor wife in everybody loves raymond haha
2007-08-31 01:37:25 · answer #10 · answered by Autumn Baby Love 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋