how hurtful is it to "judge a book by it's cover"?

Question

this is one that I struggle with personally. I'm sure we all have.

I am working hard to overcome what I perceive as this flaw of character. But I am curious to know:

Are you attempting to overcome this flaw in your character?
or do you feel that it is NOT a flaw but a natural defence mechanism?

and do you think about how your instant judgment might affect the person on the receiving end?

Answer 1

I know this is about me somehow...

We all judge a book by its cover, particularly since that's as far into a person's personality as we are usually allowed. I don't try to overcome it at all, I just accept it.

There are, however, many different types of covers. A person may make a stronger impression through their personality than appearance, or by virtue of their abilities, etc. Whatever first makes the strongest impression is usually the "cover" that we have to work with.

Answer 2

Well, "judging a book by its cover" may not necessarily mean you are making a bad judgment . . . some judgments can be good ones, can't they? Can I judge that someone seems to be a nice person??

For me, it's a natural defense mechanism. The red flags that do pop up in front of me seem to be dead on . . . maybe it's from personal experience with all the nutty folks I've known in my life - hee hee. Not a flaw in my opinion - as long as I keep it to myself - no harm done AND I don't get burned in the end.

Speaking of "judging a book by its cover" . . . about a comment from you from another question. Someone may look at my avatar and read "TripleBunnyHop" and think I must do this fancy triple jump. But in fact, there is no such thing as a "triple" bunny hop . . . a bunny hop is sort of a baby skip that doesn't even count as a half jump . . . so it's actually a joke for the skaters! Hee hee!!

Can one judge an e-book by its cover? Hee hee!!!!

Answer 3

I think it's something that most people have to try to improve in themselves, including myself. I know how hard it is being judged just by how I looked, on the first day of high school I went and sat down with a group of girls whom I did not know to try to make friends with (I did ask to sit there, and they had no response so I went ahead and sat down), they got up and left to go sit at another table, and later I did hear them talking about how I looked, I wanted to cry (btw this was Aug. 29, just a few days ago). It has made me try to be less judgmental of other people from now on, even though I've always tried to avoid judging people by the way they look it's now one of my personal missions to try to make sure that I do not do this to other kids. I think it can be a defense mechanism, but for the most party you typically get to know people a little better and know whether to stick around or to run.

Answer 4

I do think first impressions can sometimes be accurate. As TTC said, what's important is the willingness to look beyond that first impression. I do think it's a natural defense mechanism, but we are so out of touch with our instincts in this modern world, our instincts are just as easily wrong as right.

One of my best friends made a horrible first impression on me. Pierced all over, tattooed everywhere, loud-mouthed and forceful.. frankly she scared me to death LOL. But the person inside is quite different. I learned that she has a combination of strength and kindness that I find appealing. I never would have known that about her had I not been willing to look beyond that first impression.

As for myself, every friend I have has told me they almost didn't seek me out further than that first meeting. People invariably mistaken my shyness for snobbery. Oh well :)

Answer 5

I think it is a flaw (I struggle with it as well) that has potential to harm others, and ourselves, out of ignorance. It's pre-judging. I'm sure it causes missed blessings as well. I may miss out on some great friendships by doing this.
It's like an actual book--I know I've passed over some great books because I've let the cover influence me to believe it wouldn't be worth my time. :(

Answer 6

The fact that you even are fine tuned enough to acknowledge this is a testimony of your spirit of generosity. If we were all as sensitive as that, the world would be a better place to live. Sometimes, [not often,] it is a gift. My sister who is very frail, was Christmas shopping a little later in the evening than she normally would have been out. She caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of her eye, and she said she had an immediate feeling of danger. She got back in her van, and locked the door. The man was so sure he had a victim that he pounded on her window, and threatened that he had a gun and would kill her. She laid on her horn, and cursing her, he ran away. A rare instance to be sure, but we are so glad she reacted quickly to a "first impression." I have too many flaws to number, but that is one on my long list that I am working on.

Answer 7

Over time the human brain has evolved in such a manner that it can instantly reveal mostly accurate info about the intruder (the one judged). The stupid stuff is learned by indoctrination and culture (like all muslims being terrorists because of 911, or homosexuality is a choice/life style etc)

Answer 8

Hmmm... I think you are not talking about books... but people...

It is entirely hurtful to judge a person by their appearance.
Not one person in this world chose the body they were dealt.

People will suprise you... I have seen some folks that you could best describe as "unfortunate looking" who turned out to be highly intelligent and full of sex appeal when you can get to know what makes them tick.

I've also met folks who look "mean" and are actually very nice.

Answer 9

It is tough to overcome that. I had a kid at camp who looked like he could be a axe murderer, but when you got to know him you realized he was really shy, and pretty nerdy, but liked to look tough to cover it up. he was actually a very sweet guy. I'm constantly having to learn that lesson! On the other hand, as a woman, I believe, and I tell my daughter, if someone gives you the real creeps, trust your instincts. If you're wrong, it's maybe hurt feelings or misjudgement, but that's better than the alternative.

Answer 10

I think just about everyone makes a first impression that creates a judgement by others. The ability and willingness to look beyond the cover is what makes the difference.