I wish I was God,
but if I were,
I might not be Him, but Her.
I'd cure Atheists of alcoholism
so they wouldn't slur.
I'd bless the pagans, muslims and jews
but I'd never put them on a boat
in twos.
I like fundies, they are cool
I haven't figured out
how to keep them from the gene pool.
So bless you all,
sinners and saints
now, go back to drinking
until you can write poetry
better than this.
2007-08-30 15:34:22 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You're no Dr. Suess, but I liked it :)
2007-08-31 02:48:22 · answer #1 · answered by Nea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a critic, I think you need to practice more. You are too reliant on rhyme, which is the usual crutch of the amateur poet. Also, the wording is a little rough, and when I read it I stumble over the words. Try to write more smoothly, so that the words roll off the tongue.
Also, use concrete imagery. Meaning use the senses to let the reader *see* what you are writing about instead of just read it. Colors, sounds, scents, tastes, textures...
2007-08-30 22:40:58 · answer #2 · answered by Dysthymia 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd say that it was a decent poem. However I'm not going to have a drink.
Return of the King!
The people cry out! Oh the burdens they bear,
From their grievous oppressor, the Prince of the Air.
With malice and spite, he leads on to the grave.
With no hope in sight, and with no one to save.
But over the earth, in the Heavenly realm
Bides the Captain of faith, whose hand rests on the helm.
He is the Way, the Truth and the Life!
The way of salvation, and freedom from strife.
Now He mounts his white steed, his eyes blazing like fire.
With his robe dipped in blood, and a burning desire,
To rescue His people, from the darkness below
An angel stands ready, his trumpet to blow!
The downcast look up. Lightning leaps 'cross the sky!
As the Saviour returneth, who once had to die.
Jesus! Emmanuel! Called Faithful and True!
King of Kings who's returning, to effect our rescue.
With his sword and his rod, and his army behind,
He crushes the Dragon, who tortures the blind.
He binds up their wounds, and He restoreth the lame.
The whole earth's resounding, with praise for his Name!
P.S. - Don't listen to the drivel of pseudo-intellectuals who say things like "You are too reliant on rhyme, which is the usual crutch of the amateur poet."
According to that standard Shakespeare and Keats and Shelly and Byron, etc must be a bunch of amatuers. The idea that a poem should just be a flowing mass of flowery speech with no "rhyme" and very little "reason" is an outgrowth of the drug culture where it was "cool" to rebel against authority and discipline which was basically and excuse for laziness.
2007-08-30 22:39:24 · answer #3 · answered by Martin S 7 · 2⤊ 4⤋
Your poem is great, thanks! And here is my political poem. Though I don't care if anyone likes it or not, because on this final note I'm going to bed, sober.
Vote for John McCain,
He's a real Man
If Bush forgets to bomb Iran
John McCain can!
2007-08-31 03:10:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dare not try, as I may slur from my
belly full of drink
so I shall not attempt any poetry
as it would require me to think
I've heard that is bad and I know its true
because the fundy swore it on the bible until he was blue
2007-08-30 22:41:47 · answer #5 · answered by nicelyevolve 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Not bad. Keep it up.
Oh, and congratulations on the Top Contributor status.
2007-08-30 22:47:16 · answer #6 · answered by Satan's Own™ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's ok. I feel that if someone is to write about religion, then it should be taken seriously.
2007-08-30 22:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by Smittysama 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nice, I like it. My favorite part is: "So bless you all, sinners and saints". I grasp that concept. It should always be like that.
2007-08-30 22:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by Jeannette R 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Beautiful, I'm touched
2007-08-30 22:39:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sweet honey, sweet
2007-08-30 22:42:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋