I saw my bf for 3 hrs on tuesday night, then 2 hours thursday night (but that was out at a pub with his family so we didn't have any alone time). I'm meant to see him on Sunday but his relatives are visiting so his mum won't let him leave the house.
I hardly ever see him. He works full time, has to study for work as he is just new to the police acadaemy, he plays mixed netball twice a week and he has tennis on saturdays.
He msgs about 2 times a day and we talk briefly on msn every night. I've talked to him about my issue about never seeing him and he says he loves me and will make an effort. He has been trying but it's so hard for him because of all these things going on.
I love him and don't want to let him go. Is this a healthy relationship or do you need to see each other more for it to work?
2007-08-30 14:46:08 · 27 answers · asked by jeska102 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is a very stressful time for your boyfriend...
He is working very hard to excel in his profession.That says alot about him. he is a dedicated man..and it is important for him to be able to work off his stress thru his sports. which shows..he knows how to deal with stress, as apposed to doing nothing but sit in a bar all night,.
he can't help he has family from out of town visiting.
You can think it as...in a while..he will be a police officer..and won't have too study so much.
Can you go to his sports..or join one of them?
I know it's hard..but what he is doing is a good thing..would you prefer a man who decided working at a gas station for min wage a better deal?
if you truly love him...understand what he is going thru..be p[patient...go see him on lunch hours..watch his games..
if you do not want to wait until he succeeds in his goal for working in the police academy because he can not be with you all the time..then you have to think for yourself are you willing to wait for him?
As for a healthy relationship..that does not really come into this..he can't help what he is doing..it's for the future..in my eyes that is healthy..what is NOT healthy is you being abit immature about not understanding. )-:
2007-08-30 15:01:57 · answer #1 · answered by sticky J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much time a couple spend with each other has always been a source of conflict since time immemorial---it's either too much or too little depending on the parties involved.In your case, you want more ;however your very busy boyfriend can not accommodate you now.Following are some of my concerns as well as my ideas:1)it is a healthy relationship unless there is something you have not added2)try to talk on the phone (so you can hear each other's voice)in addition to the methods you now use3)Ask him to make a special time just for the two of you the same way he makes time for his other pursuits4)make him promise to spend a lot more time with you as soon as his police training is over5)Go with him to some of his functions---netball, tennis etc-as a way of spending time together and sharing interests6)I sense though that you are much younger than he is, and might not be ready for some future pitfalls; like his family, which I suspect he has not introduced you to.Anyway, I'm an incurable romantic and I always want romance and love to triumph.Hence I hope everything works out well for the both of you.
2007-08-30 15:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has so much on his plate right now that he probably just as frustrated as you about how little time you have together. But stressing yourself out about it and passing that stress on to him won't help. In fact, if he thinks you are too needy (even if your not) he could back off from what time you do have together. Get busy with new activities and friends. Don't always be available to drop everything and run to him when he finally has time to see you. Let him know that you understand how busy he he is and that you don't mind fending for your self when he is not around.
If he is going to have a life in law enforcement, you need to realize that a future with him will include allot of hours spent alone. Stop worrying and just enjoy what time you do have. As time passes you will both realize that you are happy with things the way they are, or you need to make changes or else move on.
2007-08-30 14:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it doesn't sound like he has a whole of time for anything, maybe some time to breathe! But yes, for a healthy relationship to work, both partners need to be able to spend enough time together, otherwise it won't. Consider also going out with friends and doing things that way you aren't "waiting" around for his schedule to clear up. And if his schedule doesn't change and he can't seem to "make the time"...then it might be time to move on and meet other people. I've been through this and it's hard, but it depends on what you want to "put up with" or not =) Good luck!
2007-08-30 14:53:22 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think quality matters more than quantity. It's not how many hours you put into your relationship but what matters is how you spend those few hours. So to make the most of out of your relationship, you might do the initiative of thinking up different sorts of activities that could be done during your time together that would be meaningful.
These questions might help you decide on what kind of activities you might want to do with your bf:
1. What activity can help our relationship grow?
2. Will this activity help us to know more about each other?
3. Will we (or just he) enjoy this activity?
4. etc..
Good luck!
2007-08-30 14:55:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid it sounds like you got a guy who expect things a certain way and is unwilling to change to support your happiness and therefore the relationship.
First off I'd be concerned that the mom wouldnt let him leave the house to see you... besides being strange in an adult sort of way, its also more telling that she didnt ask or allow her son to invite you over (or he didnt push for that). If mom doesnt like you, I'm afraid your chance for relationship survival plummet precipitously.
Secondly, if he cant take a day off playing sports.. or dropping by for lunch/dinner.. or even calling regulary (texting is not the same).. then he places you in a priority thats just too low in his life.
I suggest you explain your disappointment as clearly as possible and if he is unwilling to make concessions than you call it off... perhaps in the future he will be more able or willing to commit to you, but for now this sounds like a dead end street.
Sorry :(
2007-08-30 14:55:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that you want more out of a relationship than he does. He sounds busy. Hes got goals and apparently a good head. Give him space. Or ask your family if he can move in.
Tell them you are gonna get an apartment together. That'd get their attention.
2007-08-30 14:56:09 · answer #7 · answered by Ahab 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.... it all depends on you´re opinion...
maybe he´s just in bad times... you should be potion...
think about his effort... he wouldn´t be doing that if you didn't mean anything for him...
I hope better times will come but if they don´t then back off and let him breath... once he´s settled his things he´ll look for you.. if you really care for him you must understand it´s not easy to juggle with so much..
Good luck!
2007-08-30 15:00:17 · answer #8 · answered by niña mimada 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems like a great guy, and maybe this will help your relationship. So when you are together you will really appreciate their company. Also, he has a future and if your relationship goes any farther, will be able to provide for you.
2007-08-30 14:56:31 · answer #9 · answered by Marki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I myself was in 5 year relationship and was single for 1 year and now in a relationship..Here is my point..a man needs space ..like we women too need it sometime or other..let him see that you have a life too..he won't get mad..for a fact that his doing his thing too..freaking men tend to be MAMA'S boy..**** that okay..tell him that you feel like his choosing his family over you..make it sound like your the victim it always worked with my ex in laws lol..maybe that is why they USED to hate me..because I got my way even if I had to threaten him lol..yeah is bad but ..time is time..and all couples need that..he sounds no offense like a mamas boy..my current boyfriend is NOT A MAMAS boy thankgoodness lol..he calls me and keep in touch..so if he cannot call u when his with his family than maybe you need to rethink and tell him..if you are IMPORTANT in his life..and if his NOT than kiss him and have sex with him for last time lol..that changes everything..Sounds like his honestly putting his FAMILIA first and FORRGETTING about you..Be sweet when you threaten and pretend to cry but DON'T just go to bathroom and pretend sob..it works he he..do what you gotta do..IS WAR WITH FAMILY IN LAWS my ex's family where hell..his mom once threw me rocks..yeah glad not in that crazy *** family NO MORE..he he..
2007-08-30 14:57:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋