My husband committed suicide just a month ago. What i dont understand is why? He was a good husband a great dad! HE kissed me good bye for work and then shot himself with a 9mm! My question is how do you go on after something like this? everyday seems to get harder emotionally? Please any ideas on how to cope with this?!
2007-08-30 14:16:44 · 7 answers · asked by Lori M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I forgot to mention we were married for 17 years...
2007-08-30 14:32:25 · update #1
Cope? I don't know if that is possible.
Dealing with and realizing it and accepting it maybe.
My spouse has never committed suicide. However, one of my best friends
{ I love this girl more than you can love a person, she is in my heart forever, she is more like a sister than anything. One I would fight to the death to defend}
Her mom committed suicide. I watched her handle it deal with it accept it. I can only tell you what I have learned from her and from those I have known that have comtemplated the very action.
First, it happened. You need to mourn the DEATH of your husband, not the suicide at first. He will no longer be there for you and your children. Realize this. I do not mean know it I mean realize it understand it.
Second, know that there are demons in people's lives that are hard. Sometimes these demons [depression, secrets, worries,etc] can get so big that people do one of many things. They get boxed in by these demons to a point where their backs are up agianst a wall and they see no way out. The other is when they feel that there problems are so horrible that those they love are better with out them, or they hurt so bad they just want to stop hurting, etc.
Third, how he died is sad and you must mourn this fact. Mourn the pain he must have felt or sorrow or emotion he must have felt at the moment. BE ANGRY AT IT. It's okay to be angry. Really feel your anger and hatred and what he did. Go to a park a stream anywhere away from you family and be by yourself and just be angry if that is what you feel. You must deal with this angry to the depths of your soul before you can move on.
Most important, remember how he lived. Remind your children of how dady was a great daddy and that he loved them. Talk about him when you would normaly, remeber the way he smelled and indulge yourself in good memories sometimes.
Now, his death was tragic and heart breaking I can feel it from your words. You have the right to remember your husband the way you want to. You have the right to make some time of remeberence on that day. You have the right to be his wife and to love him. even though he is gone you can still love him.
Remember everyday that you had a good husband, don't remeber that you had a suicide husband. Remember that the only people who you have to explain anything to is yourself and your children. Hold onto those who give support, ask for help when it is needed.
And the last thing I add is for you. You said it is getting harder emotionally. Yes, I see how that is. If you get to the point where all you want to do is talk to him etc. if it gets wmotionally unbearable. When you are alone, talk to him as if he was there, it is okay and you are not crazy. it is okay to do what you have to do to heal. This was not your fault, but this is your life.
Embrace the details of everything but don't get caught up.
Remember the only thing you got to do now is breathe and take care of your kids. there is nothing else that matters. There is no blame to handle and what people say doesn't matter unless you want it to. You will get yourself through this. You are a good person and you will heal.
Good Luck.
2007-08-30 14:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by nle424 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, let me tell you how very sorry I am for your traumatic loss. I have not lost a spouse this way, but my father fatally shot himself when I was 12.
The only think that will help you heal is time, family and coming to terms with the fact that you didn't do anything wrong.
Some people just don't feel that they are good enough or have chemical disorders/depression that they are afraid to talk about with their doctors. He must have been dealing with something that was far too much for him to handle. Did you suspect that he was depressed? Was everything going ok with his job? Did he have a chronic or acute medical condition? I guess you might never know why he did it, but I'm sure it wasn't anything you did or didn't do.
Do you have a support system? You really need to find others in your area that can relate to what you are going thru. Look in the newspaper for group meetings.
I'm sorry that I can't say more to help you feel better. There is no magic cure for the pain of a lost loved one especially when it was self inflicted.
Sending you a hug..........
2007-08-30 21:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by kana121569 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please get some counseling - you need all the support you can get right now and what would be most helpful is to talk openly and freely with someone who is qualified to help you.
I read your question and pictured my husband doing the same daily routine and cried - my heart breaks for you. You cannot in any way blame yourself for what happened, just get some help in working through this. For now, get up in the morning and get through your day the best that you can - don't expect too much from yourself and don't be hard on yourself. Do everything in your power to be especially kind to yourself and your children. I'll say some prayers for you.
2007-08-30 21:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let yourself off the hook. This is not your fault. You also need to accept the fact that you are never going to know why he did this.
Just feel the emotions. The healing is going to take some time.
I will pray for you.
2007-08-30 21:23:10 · answer #4 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my deepest sympathy to you. you need to know it was something wrong with him not you or your children. maybe presure at work??? who really knows. but you do need to pray for strength so you can emotionally and physically raise the children. they are most important now
2007-08-30 21:25:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
we are humans we are weak.we can't cope by ourselves we need help.family,friends and even strangers.the most important is to pray for strenght and courage.you can move on but it takes time.
2007-08-30 21:30:28 · answer #6 · answered by honey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm so sorry for what you are going through, take things one day at a time and concentrate on your kids, they need you now and you need them, i know it's hard to believe but things will get easier, again i'm sorry for your loss.
2007-08-30 21:28:19 · answer #7 · answered by Debbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋