How many chances do you give an alcoholic?

Question

How many relapses of a loved oned does a family (husband and kids) have to put with before they feel that the "last chances" they are endlessly doling out are simply providing the alcoholic with a safety net. And how low can things go after AA and a month in rehab, along with the threat of losing ones kids have no effect ?

Answer 1

With a question like that, you have already well passed the point of extensions of compassion. It is time to get some help for yourself and your children. I know for a fact that Alcoholics Anonymous has a program for people who live with an alcoholic. I was an alcoholic over twenty years ago but I saw it was killing me and I stopped cold. I have never regretted the decision. It has been one of the smartest ones I have ever made in my life. The acknowledgement of the problem or issue has to come solely from the person who is drinking. Until that comes it's unfortunately every man for himself as you have probably found out by now. I would strongly encourage you to get some real help for yourself and your children. That would be the most healing thing you can do at this point which will keep everything moving forward and not getting bogged down any more than it already is. You need to stop participating in the cycle of first yes, sober, then no, drunk, then yes, sober - that roller coaster ride is clearly doing a number on your precious psyche and the love you feel for your children is now beginning to suffer because of all this - so it is time to get off the merry-go-round and then pray that your husband is smart enough to notice how much things are changing around him as he goes for the next ale. (Or whatever)

My heart goes out to you, but tough love is called for here. You can't stay around hoping. Your children are taking the brunt of all this and that is just plain unfair. Give some thought to this reply and good luck to you getting free of the cycle of misery this kind of use of alcohol always causes.

I got down on my knees literally and asked God to help me quit and He heard me and I am here to witness that it can stop. Your husband can stop. Cold. It just has to be made crystal clear to him just how destructive his behaviour really is. He is no dope. He will see the light. It is our job to try to show it to him.

Take good care, now.

Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. I am 64 years old. I quit when I was 44. I have my life back now. No more hangovers. No more lies. No more sick promises. No more bizarre bike rides at midnight to the store for a last minute beer run. No more knocking out front teeth because of loss of balance, &c. I hope your husband asks God to help him because the blessings which come with sobriety are too numerous to list here. One of the first grace notes is you get your family back. Then you start to reconnect with society. You soon start to think of your job, and you improve all around. Hang in there and advocate for his sobriety. God will help you. Blessings on you. - C!

Answer 2

If your mate knows that she is abusing alcohol, has been to rehab, goes to AA and still can't stop? She isn't ready. She feels better intoxicated than she does naturally. Try to find out why. A month in rehab should have gotten her over the withdrawal symptoms, which are the worst. Threat of losing the kids ought to be inspiring enough, so I don't understand the whole situation. In my own personal experience, it was five. Then I stopped...and it was too late. I lost my wife, but not my children. Good luck.

Answer 3

Oh well, it really depends on you. I could write a million paragraphs on here about it, but you and only you know the answer to this one. My mum used to tell me that you know when you have had enough and can not take anymore. You just know, in your heart of hearts, you just know. I knew i had enough, when one day, (we had not argued or anything, it was just a "normal" day) and i just realised that i didnt want to live like this with someone and i just knew for my baby sake and my sake, and even my ex's sake i had to get out. We split up soon after and when he realised that it was over, he had to decide whether he got help and came clean and sober, or he didn't. Luckily he got help, (my ex was a drug user not a alcholic) and today he is doing well. I did prepare myself though that he may never come clean and i would probably ending up feeling guilty about leaving him, but at the end of the day, i had a baby to put first and in my eyes, his dad was no good to him in that state. I was lucky and he did sort his life out and moved on with someone else a few years later. My son now has a very good relationship with his dad and i am glad.
People with addictions do not see "last chances" as a last chance, especially if you split up alot, and get back together quickly without anything changing. If it is threatened and not followed through, to him that is all it is. An empty threat.

I wish you luck, and i hope you keep strong for you and your family, it isn't easy living with someone who drinks or takes drugs. Sometimes a sharp shock is what is needed and for them to realise that they can lose their family. Sometimes though, it wont work. It all depends on the addict, and a whole lot of cirumstances.

Answer 4

This is a hard question but in my opinion if you give someone a last chance you need to follow the consequences through i know its hard but you do really need to do this although it may make no difference to the alcoholic as they like having a drink. It wont matter what you them with they will continue to drink, it has to be down to the alcoholic to choose to give up. All you can do is offer support. If all has been tried try hypnotherapy they might be able to find out why they are drinking and you may understand your parnter more as to the problem Good Luck

Answer 5

Alcoholism is a resourceful ailment and gets worse the extra you drink. on account which you do no longer at present drink, it extremely is very unbelievable which you will substitute into an entire blown alcoholic except you have been to commence truly ingesting. yet... Alcoholism could nicely be the two a found out behaviour as nicely as probably genetic, so there's a sturdy possibility you are able to substitute into alcoholic. there's a catalogue you are able to learn in case you worry transforming into an alcoholic (yearning alcohol now, could be a sturdy reason to worry alcoholism, btw). right that's the checklist, courtesy of AA. a million - have you ever desperate to supply up ingesting for each week or so, yet basically lasted for a pair of days? 2 - Do you like people might innovations their very own enterprise approximately your ingesting-- supply up telling you what to do? 3 - have you ever switched from one type of drink to a diverse interior the wish that this might save you from getting inebriated? 4 - have you ever had to have a watch-opener upon awakening for the period of the previous 3 hundred and sixty 5 days? 5 - Do you envy people who can drink without stepping into hassle? 6 - have you ever had issues related with ingesting for the period of the previous 3 hundred and sixty 5 days? 7 - Has your ingesting led to hassle at homestead? 8 - Do you ever attempt to get "extra suitable" liquids at a occasion on account which you don't get adequate? 9 - Do you tell your self you are able to supply up ingesting any time you pick to, even although you retain getting inebriated once you do no longer advise to? 10 - have you ever neglected days of paintings or college using fact of ingesting? 11 - Do you have "blackouts"? 12 - have you ever felt that your life may be extra advantageous in case you probably did no longer drink? you're able to do the try interactively on the AA internet site and it supplies extra factor to the which technique of all the questions. yet once you spoke back confident to 4 or extra of the questions, opportunities are high you have a situation or capability situation with alcohol. How do i understand? i'm an person member of Alanon, the two one in all my mom and dad are contained in this equipment; my father is an alcoholic in restoration.

Answer 6

If you have already threaten to take the kids and they have again relapsed then it is time to move out.

If you do not then the alcoholic will know that nothing you say holds any consequences for them and will be an alcoholic untill they drink themselves to death.

Better the tough love now then visiting the grave in the future.

Answer 7

chris,s reply the 1 with the cartoon in box
what an excellent answer
as he sais its definatley a tough one
notice how like cris it can lead on to your children (take note)
it also depends on you as a person if youve had enough then make it crystal clear but let them know that you will always love them
once you and your children have gone it might be the only thing that will make them stop
but also take note that its not giving it up thats the hardest part but staying clean is
i do feel for you as your the innocent party in this and by leaving , it makes you feel like the guilty one here
tough love is needed now
good luck

Answer 8

That is a very tricky question. Situations like this really depend on the person. Alcoholism is a tough disease to overcome. You need to say "this is the last time" and stick to it! If you keep saying this is it and then doing nothing about it then the alcoholic will not change bc you aren't making them! You have to say it and mean it. Stop enabling them! This doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means you've had enough and until they do change you wont' deal w/ their crap!

Answer 9

As many as you feel you can take.It is an illness but you might have to let them face facts and remove all nets. It all works as part of their recovery. Some have to hit rock bottom before they turn around. If yourself and the kids are being affected you must put the welfare of the children first.
Hope all works out.

Answer 10

Just one. If you give em more, like you said you're just providing a safety net. My mum used to live with an alcoholic and we both gave him far too many chances. If they can't stop after the first chance they don't deserve your love, because, not only are they prepared to harm themselves, they're prepared to do it to those they love. I know its harsh but its the only way to do it.

Threats won't work if they're not carried through. If you love em you gotta let em do it on their own. They only person they can give up for is themselves. If they can give up for a while on there own (like a year) then you start to slowly build your relationship up again. Yes they need to know you care but you can't be their crutch, they gotta be able to stand on their own.

Please don't make the same mistake my mum did and let them destroy your life you gotta use tough love.