My cousin is getting married in a few weeks and our entire family was invited. We all have to travel long distance to the wedding and it was going to be like a joint vacation / family reunion.
The problem is that she has suddenly decided that she doesn't want my brother in law to attend. He's somewhat mentally disabled and is altogether obnoxious. I somewhat understand why she doesn't want him there because I can barely stand him myself. He's prone to be argumentative and obnoxious, although for the most part my husband and my Mom keep him in check.
My sister is practically heartbroken that our cousin isn't being very understanding about his mental capabilities. She's refusing to go without him.
I understand that my cousin shouldn't have to invite people that she doesn't want but I can't stand to see my sister so hurt. I don't want to cause trouble but I also don't want my sister to end up being excluded. Should I approach my cousin about the problem or should I back off?
2007-08-30 12:10:18 · 14 answers · asked by meglet628 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Don't waste your time or your breath. No sense in getting Bridezilla pissed off at you too.
2007-08-30 12:47:20 · answer #1 · answered by KEVIN 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you really feel like you should say something, then approach your sister with alternative ways that the family will try to keep him under control. Like sitting in the back of the church with two people your obnoxious cousin will listen to and can control him. And at the reception he gets no alcohol and he stays for a short time. Or she can just have him at the reception if he does not know how to behave in church. That way the bride will be happy and the cousin will not feel alienated by the family. Regardless of how a person acts you have to excuse him he is mentally disabled, it is not his fault. If that fails then you have to respect your sister's mean wishes and accept that the cousin is not invited. Also, if he's on meds just make sure he's heavily sedated
2007-08-30 20:21:15 · answer #2 · answered by Keva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is really a tough situation. If your sister feels that strongly then I think she should stay home. I don't know if I would necessarily try to talk your cousin into inviting your brother in law but maybe if you mention how upset your sister is and how she said she was not going to attend she may rethink her decision.
If she still refuses to invite him there is really nothing you can do, but I don't blame your sister for not going, I probably would feel the same way.
At the same time, does your family know how your brother in law behaves at large functions? My uncle is mentally disabled and I didn't even think to not invite him to my wedding. Yes he can be loud and maybe say something inappropriate at times, but he is family and also my family knows him so it wouldn't have been a problem. As it turned out he was very well behaved at my wedding. Because of all the people he was just quiet and watching everything that went on.
It is her wedding and she can pretty much invite who she wants, but those invited don't necessarily have to accept.
Good luck I hope it works out.
2007-08-30 19:20:46 · answer #3 · answered by Reba 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
When you say mentally disabled, does that include unable to behave in social situations? If so, the cousin should be cut some slack. I mean, would you want to see the wedding ruined because your brother-in law has obscene outbursts or something?
And I do know where you are coming from. I have an aunt with Schizophrenia - severe case. She yells obsceities at people, she refuses to take care of her hygeine, she is very loud, paranoid, and very disruptive. I did not invite her to my wedding. I have to take into consideration the sacrament of marriage and what her possible behaviour in church would be like. I really wouldn't want her to ruin that.
She would most likely also make other guests very uncomfortable with her appearance and behaviour.
So I had to make a choice. And quite frankly, anyone who would use that as an excuse to hold their support hostage can stay home. I don't need them in my life.
2007-08-30 20:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
i think you should back off. I realize that you dont' like your sister to be upset but you have to understand thats its your cousins WEDDING DAY and your sister is onlye goooiinngg to a wedding. Your cousin shouldn't have the added stress attached with her wedding.
However if its going to be a joint vacationa dna family ruenion, wouldn't it be okay for your brother-in-law to go to that and just not go to the wedding? then you all could still go along they would just miss the actuall cermony.
But overall i think its best to respect her wishes. Its her wedding day and being a bride is stressfull enough so she doesn't need anything added to it.
Hope i helped ^_^
2007-08-30 19:20:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely back off. You don't want to upset your cousin and add more fuel to the already roaring fire.
Planning a wedding is difficult enough. The wedding day itself is going to be filled with so much emotion as it is, and the bride & groom probably don't need to deal with an "obnoxious" guest on top of it all.
Your sister is the one who is not being considerate. If she could keep her husband in check, this wouldn't be a problem in the first place. She is going to have to deal with this situation herself, and make a decision she can live with.
2007-08-30 19:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Life is messy. If even you know your brother-in-law is obnoxious and you can barely stand him, why should anyone else? Especially if the bride is afraid of him being disruptive on her wedding day. His wife has to deal with it. So do you. I can't imagine your sister's hurt over a wedding invitation from a cousin she hardly sees is going to cut so deep or last so long, get real.
I don't agree that if people are invited somewhere, there is any obligation to invite the whole family. It isn't a package deal.
Back off. Stay out of it.
2007-08-30 19:25:28 · answer #7 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think it's quite rude of her to invite your sister and then restrict her from bringing her significant other. If she has that big of a problem, she should not have invited either of them. It seems like she was trying to evade being labeled rude by inviting the family member but not someone others will agree is annoying. But it doesn't work like that. It is downright rude to invite someone to a wedding if they're married and tell them they specifically can't bring their spouse. I think your sister should refuse to go.
2007-08-30 20:13:37 · answer #8 · answered by robert_randolph_the_family_cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds a little touchy, and since it seems you understand both sides, I would let them hash this out themselves. It's her choice who comes or doesn't come to her wedding, and whether or not your cousin understands or agrees with it, it's not her choice. If she chooses to not come, how big a loss is it in the long run? Either she'll get over it and come or she'll be mad and not, but either way the bride is going to get what she wants. Not always pretty but what can ya do.
2007-08-30 20:58:23 · answer #9 · answered by J D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should back off. Don't say anything to cousin.
Perhaps cousin saw brother-in-law do something she felt was inappropriate? You wrote: I can barely stand him myself.
I won't debate whether or not he should be invited. But . . . I do think approaching your cousin about this will only cause more pain. Please let it go, and do as your cousin wishes on this one occasion.
2007-08-30 20:16:16 · answer #10 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how old you are, but I think that your cousin should be invited, at least to a part of the wedding that he could handle. again, i dont know his age either, or the situation, but if the whole family is invited then he should be too.
2007-08-30 19:15:09 · answer #11 · answered by flutterflie04 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋