What would you do if your man said this.....?

Question

My boyfriend and I have a 5 month old son and in my opinion he doesn't do as much as he can for him. We don't live together but he lives right around the corner from me not even a mile. He does come over but when he does he doesn't really help he may hold him but is quick to give him up to my mother or sister. Most of the time he falls asleep, watches tv or get's on the computer, sometimes while holding the baby. I do EVERYTHING though, he is not a bad person but I don't understand this. When I tried to talk to him about it on the phone he said he didn't want to talk about it then and that he would call me back he also said his battery was low...lie i know. I really can't take it anymore. What do u think? Also I had asked him would he break up with me if I filed child support on him and he said he didn't want to talk about it but that there would be conflict. He doesn't buy him anything and asks sometimes if he needs something. he gives me some money when he gets paid but not enough.

So what would you do in this situation? The money he gives he never gives it on the day he gets paid he will wait sometimes a week to give it to me. I would just like others opinions whether it be from experience or just from the info. I have given.

Answer 1

i would file for child support and let the chips fall where they may. if he stops coming around for a while oh well. right now you need the money more then the visits. daycare bills, diapers, clothes, etc do not purchase themselves you know. a real man wouldn't need this sort of intervention. and how can you say that he's not a bad person? does he have new clothes? who pays for his food and shelter? or are you so afraid of being alone that you'll accepts this behavior no matter what so that you can cry victim? if i'm wrong step up and do what's in the best interest of your child.

Answer 2

I understand, I have a 6mo baby with my boyfriend- I can relate to some of what you are saying.

First of all, the baby deserves the support of his father. financial and socially. no excuses- he should get a job that does that. let him know what you need in a non attacking way- best if you sandwich bad with 2 good comments. ("You're a great dad." " you need to spend more time with your baby" " I think she misses you! ")

About the feeling of the lack of support- Every mother that I have talked to feels your pain. The idea of a dad who holds the baby and does half of the housework is a dream, sorry dads, but most moms - single or married- do it on their own. (my boyfriend is very supportive and I cant get him to change a diaper - he hasn't woken up ONCE with the baby) We are all Super-Women. Kinda gives you more respect for a woman's role, huh?

your situation sounds somewhat unique though. Act like the strong woman you are and make it work. whether or not your baby's daddy is around, you can be all you want to be- get your goal and priorities in line and make it happen!

Keep your head up. You have a beautiful 5 month old girl, someday you'll look back and think "remember when" appreciate the time now, even if sometimes it sucks...

Answer 3

First of all, you don't ask someone if he will break up with you if you made him paid child support. You know, from the minute you make him pay child support, your relationship is over. You have to know what you want and what is best for your children. My question to you is, why aren't you guys married? Why is he acting this way toward the baby? Is he living with his parents? does the parents aprove of your relationship?Were you dating other people?May be he is not sure if the child is his or not or may be he is immature ( well I wouldn't say that since he has a job and has a baby already) but yes you need to find out first what is the all deal about. Good luck

Answer 4

Unless you are independently wealthy you should get child support.You son is dependent upon you to meet all his needs.Your son's father shouldn't have to be asked to give support he should be giving it .You son needs a safe place to live,food every day, clothing, diapers,medical coverage etc.These needs will only increase every year.Go through the family courts and get child support for your son. You say that your boyfriend sometimes gives you a little bit of money.It;'s about time you told him he has a responsibility to this child at least as long as the child is a minor.Your son needs a male figure who will not only be his dad but who will show him what a man is.If you have to tell him he needs to show his son love and to support him what kind of example do you think he will set for your son.What if your boyfriend does decide to leave you in the future ? Since your boyfriend doesn't want to talk to you maybe he will feel more comfortable talking in front of the family court judge. Get a lawyer ( even legal aid) to protect your son's rights ,he deserves it. Take care.

Answer 5

Girl file from child support, because no matter what you say to your boyfriend he is not going to change, he should have stepped up to the plate at the beginning and help out. Thats rude of him to go to sleep while visiting his child, thats the time he should be spending with his son, not on some computer or sleep. He did help you get pregnant so, he should take some responsibility to and help out, not just financially but also supportive and emotional

Answer 6

I understand that you want things to stay the way they are with you and your boyfriend's relationship, but he really needs to start being a father. Tell him you want him to be a more active parent, start watching him sometimes, share the costs of buying your child stuff, be a good role model. If you talk to him about it and nothing changes, then you need to file child support. When it comes down to it, your child's life is more important than your relationship with your boyfriend. That kid deserves a responsible father.

Answer 7

Be more persistant you are a mom now, when your child needs something they need it now not when dad decides to give you some money so tell him that he either needs to straighten up or you will do what his/your child needs and that is a regular source of incoming money. I mean he needs diapers on pay day what are you gonna do just let him go without until his dad decides to bring the cash over? Tell him we talk now or I go file for child support, easy as that.

Answer 8

You need to contact an attorney and get a court order for child support. Without that he doesn't have to give you a dime. Second, no one is making him be a Dad yet. Just leave him alone with junior while you go shopping or get your hair done. A little at a time will make him come around.

Answer 9

Seems like someone is getting tired of you and the baby. And its not fair that all of a sudden he wants out on it and leave you to do everything yourself. I guess if talking to him is useless it's you let him go since he's not interested in his son...or even you. When you see him again if he's not claiming he's tired tell him if he want out its his choice but its also his responsibility to be in that babies life no child would like to be raised without a father.And don't forget child support I'm sure that will get his attention and show that you are mean business about you said. Good Luck

Answer 10

now things will be hard because before you have a baby that should be the first thing you talk about with that person. Even if you and someone else have sex because it only takes one time. But anyways I think you can do better. You need to tell him just like it is if he can't try harder and do more than what he is doing then you need to leave him. You can do better on your own then be dragged down by someone else. Think about the baby before you think about yourself. If he really cares then when you tell him you are leaving and why he will clean up his act, if not then he really don't want you.