What is your funniest bird joke?

Answer 1

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it’s an absolute steal at only $20."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam".

"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel" scolds the woman trying not to laugh.

A little later the womans two teenage daughters arrive home.

"Un f**king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home.

"In f**king-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?"

Answer 2

-K- this one is real long so please be patient.......

A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
Perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Golly, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ..."

"Oh yeah?" the man asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't
you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20.
Just make the guy an offer!"

The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,
he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.

One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if
I
should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the man.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
the
door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy says incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over...."

Then the frantic man screams, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"

Answer 3

This is not a joke but the truth but it is truly funny. I came home one day and when we let the Love birds out to fly one got a little close to one of the Amazon's cage and got its let bitten. It was snapped like a twig but still in tact... My lady friend (who owns the birds) and I took the bird to the Vet. Well they had to Xray it ($35.00) the vet comes back and says its broken (dah) Then he says we have to put it in a splint. ($20.00) Consoltation ($55.00) He comes out puts a tooth pick on the leg and wraps it with a band aid.. Tells us to bring the bird back in two weeks for a check up and another X ray.... Hee hee hee what do you think I did? Grant M in Pennsylvania

Answer 4

Jim's dad was having a birthday. Jim went to the pet store and saw a beautiful parrot. The sign said it spoke 4 languages, so Jim, being a thoughtful son, bought the bird and had it shipped to his dad in Iowa. A few days later Jim called his dad and asked how he liked the bird. "It was a little dry, son to tell you the truth."
"Dad, are you telling me you at the bird? It was an African Parrot and spoke 4 language!"
"Well, he shoulda said something!"

Answer 5

Ok this is long so please read on...

So this farmer buys a rooster and and puts him in the chicken pen. One problem is that there is another rooster in that pen. So the old rooster goes up to the new rooster and says "All these hens are mine and you get none."

The new rooster says "No all these hens are now mine and you get none of them!"

So the old rooster says "Why don't we race to see who gets the hens? We will take 10 laps around the chicken pen and the winner gets them all!!"

New rooster liking this idea cause he is young and fast says "Sure thing!" and the old rooster tells the new rooster he can even have a half lap lead. So the new rooster says ok because he wants every advantage he can get. They start off and after about 5 laps the new rooster has almost caught up to the old rooster. After about 9 laps he is right behind the old rooster and he just wants to catch that old rooster and pass him so he is running his heart out.

At that same moment the farmer looks out his window and sees the new rooster right behind the old rooster and starts yelling and screaming!!!! He goes and gets his shotgun and goes out and shoots that new rooster dead!!

Farmer comes back in and says to his wife"Gosh darnit that is the 3rd GAY rooster I have this week!!!"

Answer 6

i heard this one on here a few days ago:

two statues (a male and female) were situated in a park facing each other. One day an angel came down and brought them to life. But the angel said "you can do anything you want, but you only have 30 minutes before you become statues again"

The male and female statues looked at each other, then grabbed hands and ran into the bushes. they made all kinds of noises. 15 minutes later they came out. The angel said "you still have 15 minutes, make the most of it" so they looked at each other, the male statue asked the female "you wanna do it again?"

She responded "yeah, but lets switch positions, this time I'll hold the pigeon down and you can poop on its head."

Answer 7

one day a man went to an auction.While there,he bid on a exotic parrot,he got caught up in the bidding.He kept on bidding,but kept getting out bid,so he bid higher and higher and higher.Finally,after he bid more than he intended,he won the bid the bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot,he said to the Auctioneer,"I sure hope this parrot can talk.I would have hate to pay this much for it,only to find out he can't talk!" "Don't worry"said the Auctioneer,"He can talk.Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Answer 8

There are 10 birds on a tree you shoot one it falls down how many are left on the tree?






Theres none left because there all scared away.

Answer 9

What do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster?
+ You get a c.o.c.k that stays up all night.



What do you get when you cross rooster and a telephone pole?
+ You get a 30 foot c.o.c.k that wants to reach out and touch someone.

Answer 10

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg says, "Well, I guess that answers THAT question."