Should I take in a teenager?

Question

Okay, My husband and I worked with a youth group at a local church. I got really closed to the pastors oldest daughter. She was going through a rough time and I really felt that God had brought me there to be an influence to her and encourage better behavior. After being there 2 years we felt led to leave the church.

This girl will be 18 in a few weeks. Her parents are really hard on her. She has rededicated her life to the Lord and has really matured through the years. She is a senior and is working a part time job. Her dad refers to her as a pain in his flesh. her parents are always telling her to get a second job to pay for her school supplies and school clothes. She pays her Car payment, Car Taxes, Insurance, gas and cell phone bill. They do not make her younger sister pay for her own cell phone.

She feels really close to me and my family. I have 4 children ages 7 ,4 and 2 year old twins. Should I let her move in with us? What is your opinion?

Well, If she is going to move out anyway, I want her to have a safe place to go and someone who is going to encourage her to finish high school. I do not want her just moving in with a friend. She needs guidance!

I know that no one on here can give me an answer. I was basicly looking for opinions with out stirring the waters here at home. I am going to talk with her dad. Thank you pastor art!

Answer 1

No one on Yahoo knows enough about this to give you any valid advice. All we know is what you have said.

There are a million questions I would ask BEFORE advising you and there would be more questions which would be based on the answers to the first set.

There could be valid reasons for why her parents are so hard on her.

This young lady could be maturing because her parents are being hard on her, which is having the desired result.

And it could be that you are the positive influence on her.

Bathe this matter in much prayer and seek advice of mature Christians who know your family and know this other family.

I will be praying that God gives you wisdom.

Pastor Art

Answer 2

Whatever you decide has to be the best for all concerned, not just this girl. Your description of her makes her sound like a jewel, so apparently her parents have done a lot of right things in bringing her up. Maybe little sister doesn't have to pay for her cell phone because she's too young yet to get a job? If this girl moves in with your family, then who will be paying for the school supplies and clothes that her parents want her to pay for? Maybe this girl should be encouraged to get a second job, if only to have a valid excuse to be away from home for more hours. Personally, I'd be more concerned about her school work than her finances, but that's the teacher in me speaking. It sounds like your plate is full already, and I wonder how long it would be before your family came to resent allowing another kid into the house. I let a family friend, a young girl (about 20) move in with us a few years ago and it did not go well. Her boyfriend turned out to be a piece of work so the girl had all this emotional baggage that spilled over into our lives. It's been four years and I still have boxes of her stuff stashed in my storage shed. All kids are different, though, so I couldn't say it's always a bad idea. I'd think a long time before I made a commitment if I were in your place.

Answer 3

Yea. This is a hard decision. I myself have been praying on a situation very similar to yours... This young lady seems to be very responsible for her age. It's a shame her parents are so self centered. You would have to set and enforce your house rules. Something in writing so there are no misunderstandings. Maybe a trial period should be set? Like a probationary thing? I don't know. These are just some of the things I've been pondering myself. Ultimately, it is up to the Lord and you/husband. How does he feel about it? Folding a teenager that is not yours into your family will have challenges. Nothing is impossible though. Sounds like she sure could use a helping hand. God bless you for opening your heart and potentially your home. There are not many people that would even consider this. May the light of the Lord shine upon you favorably now, and always.

Answer 4

If you have room in your hearts and feel that she will be a positive influence on your children then you should consider it. Also remember though you will need to be able to feed her and cover the eletric, gas etc. bills as she will use some of that too. You can talk to her and tell her that once she graduates high school she could help contribute to the other bills, but until she has graduated you dont expect that from her (so long as you can afford it) even if you only take $30 a week once she graduates it will also help her learn money management and the realities of real life. It sounds like you have a big heart and if you have room for one more, who is to say that you should not take in this lost child.

Answer 5

Well she sounds responsible, and that is good, but you have to remember she is a young teenage girl, and she is someone else's teenage girl, she is going to be around your children.....no big deal, but just because she seems to be all good now, things can quickly change once she is away from her parents. By all means I am not saying don't do it! but just be very careful not to let her steer you blind. Her parent's maybe hard on her for a reason, your not really sure she doesn't have a plan, maybe take off with a friend and get into trouble, and she is living with you! I am just giving examples of what COULD happen, I have seen this happen before with one of my girlfriends and I would just be careful and set some ground rules for sure. I hope you do take her in and help her out, especially if she is being treated to harshly, and I hope she is a good fixture to your family, you sound like a very nice person, willing to open your home like that, just look out for yourself and your family to. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Before you let her move in with you, I would have a talk with her dad first. If he is really against it, I would say no. If he's all right with it, go for it! From what you wrote it seems like it would work for you and probably help her too.

Answer 7

I would say yes-- provided that you don't force her to take your beliefs as her own. Let her have her own spiritual path and encourage her to find her own truths. And she might be able to help babysit the kids sometimes and all. I think taking her in would be good...apparently her parents don't care about her wellbeing.

Answer 8

I would provide her support so that she finishes school, but I don't think you should bring her into your home with small children. While I'm sure she's a pretty good kid, this just bodes trouble.

Help her out, invite her over for dinner, but don't let her live in your home.

Answer 9

If she would be a positive force in your family and youcan afford the extra mouth to feed and if your family agrees, sure. It sounds really nice.

Answer 10

I don't think you should take someone in when you have children of your own to raise. She is old enough to decide what she will do. If you take her in, she will not grow up and become responsible for herself. I believe your heart is in the right place, but I believe this is a mistake for you, for your family, and for the girl and her family.