Okay, My husband and I worked with a youth group at a local church. I got really closed to the pastors oldest daughter. She was going through a rough time and I really felt that God had brought me there to be an influence to her and encourage better behavior. After being there 2 years we felt led to leave the church.
This girl will be 18 in a few weeks. Her parents are really hard on her. She has rededicated her life to the Lord and has really matured through the years. She is a senior and is working a part time job. Her dad refers to her as a pain in his flesh. her parents are always telling her to get a second job to pay for her school supplies and school clothes. She pays her Car payment, Car Taxes, Insurance, gas and cell phone bill. They do not make her younger sister pay for her own cell phone.
She feels really close to me and my family. I have 4 children ages 7 ,4 and 2 year old twins. Should I let her move in with us? What is your opinion?
2007-08-30 09:51:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, If she is going to move out anyway, I want her to have a safe place to go and someone who is going to encourage her to finish high school. I do not want her just moving in with a friend. She needs guidance!
2007-08-30 10:04:58 · update #1
She would still have the responsibility of paying those things! I think its great that she is paying those things. The pain in his flesh comment and wanting her to get a 2nd job while in high school is what bothers me and yes I will help her with money.
2007-08-30 10:22:35 · update #2
He also slapped her in her face for asking to go to another church.
2007-08-30 10:23:07 · update #3
There are 2 sides to every story. Be cautious.
2007-08-30 09:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by autimom 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have your hands full. A teenager needs full time attention. She sounds like she is taking full responsible for her life. If she is almost out the door. Good parenting is hard to come by. Everyone has a differences of opinion on how to raise a their child. Raising someone else's child is a starts at birth, or shortly there afterword's. Not at seventeen, going to be adult in less time for you to give her any guild lines. She is perhaps rebelling against her family, because she knows she will have to make it on her own soon. And deep down in side she may not realize it yet, this is pretty normal for a girl her age to feel pick on. Sounds like her parent's without realizing it also is going to have a woman go into the world. They don't want to feel they haven't done their job as a parent. They have a pretty good head start on you. They have managed to make sure she has had a good education, a job, a car that she is totally reliably for. I wouldn't take on this task unless you have already raised teenager's. And I wouldn't do if I had. My children are all grown up, and have young children of their own. And they hated how I made them take responsible for their lives when they were going up. But now they are grateful, and well adjusted adults.
2007-08-30 10:29:07 · answer #2 · answered by Living Life 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you personally witnessed this girl's parents doing or saying these things to her? Has her father told you that she is "a pain in his flesh"? You need to remember that there are 3 sides to every story and she may be inflating the truth some because she gets that "poor baby" reaction from you.
This girl is 18 in just a few weeks and will be considered an adult. What is going to change by her living with you? She will still be responsible for everything you listed like the car payment, gas, etc. Or are you going to pay for these things for her and take care of your own 4 kids also? Her parents are helping her be prepared for the real world. As for her younger sister not paying her own cell bill - well you answered that yourself - SHE'S NOT 18!
I think you need to stop trying to be some sort of savior for this girl who is making you believe her life is just HORRIBLE, and focus on the 4 children you are responsible for.
Why don't you take her to some homeless shelters, children's hospitals, domestic violence and abuse shelters, etc. so that she can get a better understanding of how LUCKY she is!
2007-08-30 10:12:42 · answer #3 · answered by Jerribear76 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No you shouldn't. Most parents consider there kids a pain in the flesh. I'm a teenager myself and I know. I think it's good that they are making her pay for her own stuff. She is 18 now and her younger sister shouldn't have to in all honesty. Her parents probably see it as she is an adult and she shouldn't live under their roof and not pay for anything. They could still help her out. I think you should lend her some money every once in a while to help her pay for her bills instead.
2007-08-30 10:31:19 · answer #4 · answered by Megan H 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right. Just because you offer her a home, doesn't mean she will accept. Perhaps just knowing someone cares about her is enough. Is her plan to go to college? Are you going to help pay for her college education or just house/feed her through 4 years of school? What is her long term plan? How will she help you at home? What burdens does she bring and which are you willing to accept as your own? What hostilities might her parents bring on to your family? What is her life plan? Are you accepting her as a renter or part of your family?
I suggest you just weigh the pros and cons. Discuss with her what is expected of her if she does move in, and find out if she has a plan for her future. Certainly, you don't want someone who is expecting you to care for her for the next 5 or 10 years with no plans of doing anything other than working part-time or no plans of moving forward and moving out.
2007-08-30 11:51:06 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. 15 yes, 18 no.
2007-08-30 10:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
if you fill you can help her yes let her live with you but know that a 18 yr old likes to be a adult to so you may have to set some rules
2007-08-30 10:03:16 · answer #7 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What is God telling you to do? What do you feel in your heart? There is nothing wrong with opening up your home to help someone but, remember you can only do so much.
Maybe she should talk to her parents about this or maybe you should.
2007-08-30 10:01:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
What he's asking her to do is illegal (get a second job) since minors are only allowed to work 15 hours a week. Call DSS and report him for child abuse.
2007-08-30 11:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
she has a family.
so i hate to tell you,
that's not your place.
but you can help her out.
every once in a while give her some
money or something to pay for things.
that way you'll be supporting her but doing it the right way.
2007-08-30 09:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by Aly 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋