Seeking a woman's perspective?

Question

I’m a single guy in my mid-40s. I have had a couple of fairly serious relationships. It seems that dating gets harder and harder as I get older. I do have many close friends-female and male. I was born an only child, but absolutely hate my family. They all live about a thousand miles away from me. I force myself to visit once every 7-10 years, but I hate it. My mother told me that she didn’t want any more kids because she didn’t want to bring anyone else into this “hell of a family.” I am told that I am attractive and smart-that I am decent guy. One friend named her firstborn child after me. I have a decent job. I also belong to a religious organization, and I am a leader in it. I like women, but I just don’t deeply connect—in the way that I would like to.

I have been in therapy now for years. The feeling of profound disconnection when I’m dating is quite scary at times. The frustration of this disconnection is deep. If I talk about this, I am worried about being labeled as weak or too emotional. A woman I recently dated called me a “pussy” because I shed a tear in her presence. I felt shame because I was not able to hold back the force of my emotions. 99.9% of the time I diligently hold back my emotions. I was angry enough to snap her neck right then and there, but as usual—I just kept my emotions in for fear of being labeled a psycho who just lost control.

This is really bizarre…It’s strange opening myself up to total strangers on the internet….My close women friends think I’m such a “great guy.” I think that I’m okay. My therapist (a woman) actually thinks I would be a “good catch.” She assures me that she’s not telling me that just to make me feel better about myself. I wonder what a woman who has never met me would think—just based on what I have shared? Am I being realistic? I just don’t want to end up like people who get into a relationship because they are lonely…I think that’s a bad reason.

Answer 1

Just be nice, be yourself, and everything will fall into place. I wish you the best of luck. Oh, and just for the record, I think a real man is one who shows his emotions.


Oh, and Sassy, that was such a rude thing to say. Next time you have a problem I hope everyone else will disregard it like you so harshly disregarded this nice guy.

Answer 2

You know what, I really don't know what to say other than maybe those females you are trying to connect with are not the right ones. Nothing should be forced so getting involved in a bad relationship because you are lonely is A BAD IDEA!!! Anything that is worth having is hard to come by, and no relationship is perfect but you get out what you put in, believe me and being able to be honest with yourself about the certain things in your life is really commendable. Most guys keep their feelings bottled up when sometimes you have to take that chance and put yourself out there and see what happens. And always be yourself, no matter what because if you can't be honest with yourself then what's the point! Keep your head up and stay positive, things will turn around.

Answer 3

you sound perfectly normal to me.Being without good family is difficult because family is where you get the foundation of feeling loved.Cousins and aunts,uncles,grandparents, all these people help breed love into the souls of children.I too am an only child,but I had lots of family around,good and bad.Family are the only people that we usually are forced to forgive and forced to get along with so we all learn many things from our families,good and bad.You are who you are and you should remain who you are around anyone.You showing tears may have turned that woman off but their are others who will find your honesty refreshing.If you haven't found the right girl yet,then maybe you should change your environment.Be where the type women you like are.Branch out and learn different things because you seem to choose friends for women and this could be from the loneliness of being an only child.Unless your family consisted of child molesters,I think you may have been more confident having been around your relatives some of the time.I had a lot of nuts in my family and if anything I learned how not to be .

Answer 4

I think you have some serious anger problems that affect how you percieve women in the first place and you are afraid of relationships because of your "hell of a family"...have you ever considered that YOU are not to blame for the choices that your mother made? Or for your family? Just because you mentioned that you have a hell of a family and your mohter comes up in a statement she made, I think once you realize that these are issues and you deal with them, you can then move forward in your life. Recently, I attended a Co-Dependency workshop and it really helped in my past issues. Perhaps you could attend an Al-Anon Meeting or find other help in that area. It isn't a bad thing, it really helped me open my eyes and realize I wasn't crazy, I am a person and I am worthy. Good luck.

Answer 5

it sounds to me that you may be a little un-trusting of women. The women you have just mentioned in your life either treat you like poo we when your close to them (mother and ex gf) or like you as a friend.
Sounds to me that you are able to keep your friends at a different emotional level.
Adrenaline makes people happy. You need to work out and more importantly work out your anger. Keeping it in will only hurt you more. You think keeping it in protects people, but in actuality it comes out in ways you are not even aware of.
I know it's a pain but whenever you are angry write down what is going on at that time. Eventually you will find trends that set you off. Working out is a healthy way to use that negative energy that you are storing.
I have anger issues myself and I have found that I get set off when people are demeaning, inconsiderate or insult my intelligence. It's a lot easier to deal with it once you know what triggers it.

Answer 6

Youre 0n the right track by seeing a therapist. I agree with Blue Eyes that you should go for a freindship first,cause thats where the real love can begin. At 40 you still are in your prime so take all that pressure off yourself. Good luck, and God be with you.

Answer 7

You sound like you're very aware of yourself and your feelings which is great. Don't think of it as 'dating'. Just think about it as getting to know another person, and put less pressure on it. You will find someone that you can get along with and eventually move into a relationship with, if you feel comfortable.

Answer 8

from what you've told me i think you would be a good catch! me who are in touch with there emotions are hard to find... just be patient and be yourself.

Answer 9

check this link its good




http://datentryworksworkathomeobs.blogspot.com/

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Answer 10

too long to read....2 pts!!