How did you tell your son about his birth father?

Question

his father is alive and well, just a deadbeat dad. I am remarried and my husband has taken repsonsibility for my child. He has been his dad for most of his life. We have age appropritely brought it up before but now he is 7 and he might mot remember. We believe he is old enough to know....but dont know how or what to tell him.

Answer 1

I assume this is just someone who isn't in the picture because he doesn't want to be...right?

I actually grew up that way too. My birth father left my mom when she was pregnant with me. She was honest. That's what I would recommend. Be honest. It didn't work out. She even told me that it was better that he did bail, because she got to have every single Christmas and summer and birthday. She didn't have to share me. It's really hard being the child that dad didn't want. But honesty is the best policy here. Even at a young age. Don't wait until they are "old enough to understand" because it's probably too late.

Anytime you are teaching the family unit to your child you say, mommy and baby... daddy isn't here. And when the child is ready to ask why daddy isn't here, that's when you tell her that daddy wasn't ready to be a daddy yet.
good luck

Answer 2

First it depends on his age.. Tell him in words that he can understand. It also depends on the circunstances about his birth father. I would definately be honest with him. He might become upset or quiet or act out or other things but just give him a hug tell him you love him and let him know if he has any questions to ask and you will answer them the best that you can. It is never easy to talk to a child about the other parent no matter what the reasons are why they arent there.

Answer 3

I have a similar situation. My choice is that I am never going to tell my son. The guy is a loser and on drugs. He is an abuser and I don't want my child to be anything like him or anywhere near him. My husband has been there for him from the beginning. That is all we need. I guess it all depends on how u feel. If I would choose to tell my son I think I would tell him at an early age like the age your son is now. He is young and has time to learn and understand. If u tell a kid at 16 they tend to get mad and go crazy cause u waited so long to tell them.

Answer 4

Just be honest and tell him the truth without telling him his father is no good. Just explain to him that his biological father and you had a relationship a while back but things did not work out. If you know where his father is, try talking to the father to see if he wants to get to know his son. Otherwise, explain to him that his father is still around and eventually when he (your son) is ready to meet him (if he wants) then you can try to set up a meeting. Do not tell him that his father does not want to see him but tell him that you will work on getting a meeting arranged.

Hope this helps and best of luck.

Answer 5

my father was abusive and my mother left his *** when she got pregnant. They didn't marry, but that was because she found out how he really was when she got pregnant. He still lives in russia and i'm glad. She told me when i was 10 and i got a little upset, but at the same time i was so pissed at him that he could ever do that to her. After a year i completely didn't care about it. I just called my step dad, dad even though he wasn't. I never thought twice about my dad, except a little on how he looked like. My mom showed me pictures when i was 12 and he had black curly hair with green eyes and he was really tall. I kinda had a face like him, but i didn't have his hair colour and barely his eye colour. my hair was blond elike my step dad's and i had blue eyes that came close to my step dad's so when people asked i said i got it from him. He always was happy when i said that. Somtimes you even forget they arn't your real dad. By the way don't feel threatened if he ever brings it up in a fight when he's older. He won't mean it because i know i did, but i was just looking for an excuse to be mad or have a comback.

Answer 6

just tell him the truth. Don't say anything negative about his read dad..just say he isn't around. He will have questions I am sure but if all his memories are of his current father.. I don't think it will make much difference atleast not until he is a teenager and gets into that really bitter stage all teenagers hit.

Answer 7

Personally, I think seven is too young for him to be told, he is still too young and impressionable.He does not need to know details about a father who is a bum.I would wait until his teen years (14 up) to give him this information,then he will be mature enough to grasp the story.At that time I would just be candid and tell him the truth.

Answer 8

Tell the truth ASAP.
What a great life lesson for your son!
Mom picked a bad man the first time around but found a great guy the second time around. Uplifting! Kids need real life examples of how their choices can affect their lives forever.

Answer 9

Tell him when you feel he is old enough to handle this information. Let him know everything his father did for him as a baby; be honest with him and let him know that his birth father may not be in his life, but his stepfather is there to take on that role.

Answer 10

Your kid is 7. So he can relate to ice cream ask him what's his favorite flavor and whats his least favorite. Compare his step father to his favorite and birth father to his least favorite. don't use real father because he is not the "Real" father. He is not doing the job. Then you can tell him your step father is like your favorite flavor. He's better for you that's why he "Steeped "in and is doing the real father thing of taking care of us.

NYPR69