Will having a baby with an older man make people think less of me?

Question

I started dating a man that was 50 when I was only 17. Jerry had been married twice & older kids and a few younger ones. I like the time we spent together and he paid a lot of attention to me. I've had a few bf's in high school, always went to the dances and such, but I like my time with the older guy better than the guys my age. I've kept this from my parents because of the age difference. When I turned 18 I decided I want to finally have sex for the 1st time. I told Jerry I wanted to do this on my 18th birthday. Of course he was happy. I went & bought some lingerie & the night of my bday, Jerry & I made love all night. I loved it, however I did get pregnant even though we used protection. I am graduated from HS & on my way to junior college. Jerry offered to help with the costs for me. Will people think less of me for doing this with a man that old? when the baby is born will it be healthy? Jerry also passed a kidney stone before we conceived the baby, thus will the baby get them?

Answer 1

1. People will think less of you for having a baby out of wedlock no matter what.
2. I think you just like his attention and how he has money to lavish gifts on you.
3. He just likes you for your body as opposed to a 50 year old woman's
4. I don't think he will marry you- my Uncle is 50 and had a baby with a 20 year old- they are not together
5. Kidney stones are not genetic- Jerry needs to drink more cranberry juice and water and fewer martinis.

Answer 2

I don't think less of you at all. I'm 15 right now and the father of my child is 26. If you truly love him and he loves you, then don't listen to the other people that say there's something wrong about your relationship. And yes, your baby will most likely be healthy when he or she is born, as long as other than the kidney stones neither you nor Jerry have any signifigant health problems that are able to be genitically passed to a child. Good luck with your relationship and your baby, I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

I think people are more likely to think less of HIM, not you. As nice and idealistic as it is to say that "age doesn't matter", it must be mentioned that he's most likely not interested in you because of your maturity, intelligence or sparkling conversation. That's just not why fifty-somethings date teenagers.

You were a kid when you started dating, whether you were having sex or not, and the man does not seem all that respectable, if you ask me. He's been married twice, has kids of all ages, and knocked up an eighteen-year-old.

That's just real sweet of him to "offer to help with the costs for you". Get a court order. If you take nothing else away from this answer, please take this. The guy doesn't appear to be just really a great, mature guy, and the BEST thing you can do is get the court system to compel him to pay child support. If you want to claim that you know he'll keep his word, please remember the man has been MARRIED TWICE. He's taken sacred vows to stay faithful to one woman for the rest of his life TWO TIMES, and has clearly not done so.

I hope everything turns out happily ever after for you, but I just don't see it, at least as far as he is concerned.

From here on out, please keep in mind, if you don't feel secure enough in a relationship to let the people in your life know about it, that's usually a pretty good indicator that it's not a smart relationship to begin with, and that you know that on some level.

Answer 4

It really depends on how you feel about the situation. Dont mind what others say or think. I do think however that you are not giving guys your age a chance. You have to remember Jerry is MUCH older and is in a different position then a guy who is 18.

If you think you are ready for a baby then do it but know that your life will change forever. It does not sound like Jerry will be there for you except financially.

Answer 5

People are always going to judge you and in this case you have given them allot of reasons. Despite the fact it is 2007, many people still look down on premarital sex and having babies out of wedlock. The fact that this man is so much older is going to cause even more of a scandal and gossip.

If this man has children who are older, it is also going to affect and perhaps upset them. You both need to talk and decide how to handle this.

Now that you are 18, there isn't allot that can be done. But the fact that he was so much older than you is strange and a little creepy. If your parents or someone had wanted to, they could have filed charges before you turned 18.

Answer 6

It's not so much thinking less of you but definitely thinking less of him. I don't want to get rude because I know you love this man but it is wrong for a 50 year old man to take advantage of a young woman that is very vulnerable and really doesn't know any better. I hope everything works out for the best and you can make this relationship work. Having a baby is a blessing no matter the situation. Good luck.

Answer 7

You could definitely do worse, like having the father be your own age and unwilling to help or even acknowledge the child is his.

While I can't understand the attraction to a much older man, it's your choice to be with him. Sounds like he cares for you and treats you well.

His age should have no effect on the health of the baby, not sure about the kidney stones being passed on, but that likely is a genetic thing.

Answer 8

To be honest people are going to turn their nose up to you. But those are things you can ignore. I was in a situation a little like yours. I was 16 dating a man that was 28 and he already had 5 kids already. My family threating this guy to leave me alone but he didn't. So 6 years later we have 2 kids and one on the way and we are planning to get married next year. I think that if he treats you like a queen and is willing to take care of you and that baby then go for it. Now as far as his health I am not quite sure as long as you are young and healthy and take care of yourself while you are pregnant, then that baby will be healthy. Good luck and congrats!!!!!

Answer 9

I don't think you need to worry about what people think of you - there isn't a person breathing who is perfect. I haven't ever heard of a baby getting kidney stones; I don't know if there may be a problem when your child grows up.

Just be prepared that his older children will probably have issue with this to say the least. Be prepared for anything beacause this is only the beginning of a turbulent time for you. I wish you the best; you will need all the support you can get.

Answer 10

Yes. I think less of you just because you got into a relationship with this old man. Having a baby with him? Geez!

And although Jerry is going to help pay for the kid, is he going to help raise the child? They need more than money. They need care and human attention. Who will give the baby all this while you are off at junior college?

Worry about the child and yourself, not society.

Answer 11

Yes, people will think less of you, and still less of him, but screw them! The baby will still be healthy, age problems don't affect fathers as much since we don't carry the baby. As for kidney stones--I don't know if that is hereditary (probably part genes and part environment). But everyone has some bad genes, and a good gene from you can often cover a bad one from the father or vice versa--many genetic disorders require getting the problem gene from both parents.