When I was about 5 or 6 my brother started to rap me at night for about 3 years and I never toed no one. Now that I'm older (21) I am sceard of the dark because of it and now i have a boyfriend that i live with and like to touch me at night you know like put his legs or arms around me and I dont like it. It make me wake out of my sleep sceard that its my brother that is touching. Now he think that it was a bad idea for us to live toghter because I wont sleep next to him when we sleep or let him touch me and he think that i dont went to be with him any more.
I love him very much and went to stay together but how can i tell him what happen to me and the reson why i dont like him touching me when i'm sleep without him judging me.
2007-08-30 08:38:48 · 26 answers · asked by Keia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
first of all learn how to spell..
it was really hard to understand anything you were saying..
if he loves you sit him down and explain to him what happened. He will understand and he will help you in your road to recovery.
2007-08-30 08:43:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You NEED to tell him. Sit him down on a day when you are both calm. If he's an understanding and loving man he will listen. You, though, must work with him. This will be a hard thing. If he is with you he may feel threatened about your brother. You need to clarify that he is the first person you are telling EVER. You need to let him know that drastic actions towards your brother are NOT needed. He may loathe your bro after this news. You could omit the fact it was your bro, but he obviously wants to be committed to you, so I think it wise not to. Make him promise he won't tell anyone. HE may encourage you to do so, but do it only when YOU are ready! Too soon may cause you too much stress.
As stated above by many others counseling would be good. You need to work over this fear, though it may not go away, there is some worth in trying to work it out. Having been touched improperly when you were younger can totally create the reaction you are having. Be strong through this. You may want to do this before you tell anyone else. You may even want to start this before you tell your BF then include him in a session (psychologists and consolers will allow this if you ask) and perhaps break the news then with a mediator there. She/he may be able to give you input on his reaction.
I wish you the best of luck and keep your head up through this. This is a big scary problem, but you CAN work through this! I'm sure you will have lots of support as you move ahead.
2007-08-30 15:50:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really should get some counselling for this. It won't be a quick cure or anything but it will make you healthier and less afraid once you've been able to discuss it with a counselor. I don't think you have to tell him the whole truth at this time if your not ready. Maybe all you need to say is that you are sorry but there are issues that have nothing to do with him that you are still dealing with and they may work themselves out once he has lived with you for a longer period of time. If he pushes for more info. or is not satisfied with that answer on its own tell him how you feel about him let him know that it has nothing to do with him and your feelings towards him but something happened in your childhood that you are still trying to deal with. Let him know that it is something your not comfortable talking about yet but one day when your ready you will discuss it with him. Honey, if he truly loves you he won't judge you whether you tell him everything or if you only tell him what you are comfortable with.
2007-08-30 15:47:02 · answer #3 · answered by misbotta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if he is the great guy that you think he is, he won't judge you. What your brother did to you was not your fault. Second, the key to any relationship is honesty. Telling your boyfriend what happened to you will give him insight into what you are going through. It will be good for him because he will know that you do want to be with him. It will be good for you because you can finally get the weight off your chest. Telling your boyfriend the truth will make for a better you and a better relationship.
2007-08-30 15:47:56 · answer #4 · answered by Mya Vanderbilt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you are not emotionally ready for a sexual relationship.You need to seek counseling. You maybe need to share this with him, but only if this is a very serious relationship. You do not want to risk further injury of getting hurt. I was raped and molested as well, I am almost sure you don;t even enjoy sex, don't put yourself through that for someone else. Seek help this is an obvious cry for help.
2007-08-30 16:00:19 · answer #5 · answered by The Mrs. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told your Boyfriend everything you told us? If he doesn't understand, then he's not the one for you. Get some help to clear your mind from this sad situation. My heart goes out to you. Express your thoughts and feelings to some one you can trust. Please...Don't go through life living this way. It's not the best way to live, you deserve better. It was not your fault, so don't settle for it. it is the pain and the scarred feelings you have.
2007-08-30 15:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by Tray 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he judges YOU to be less worthy because of what your brother did to you, you are well rid of him.
You do need to talk to the boyfriend about it. Right now, he can only interpret your pulling away as rejection of him.
Please get professional counseling.
Give serious consideration to pressing charges against your brother. If you don't, he will molest his own children, and probably any others he gets close to.
Best wishes.
**
2007-08-30 15:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off I am so sorry...horrible horrible thing your brotha' did to you. very horrible and I am VERY sorry.
But if you live your whole life in fear, you are only loosing even more than you have lost already.
Your boyfriend doesn't deserve the effects of your brothers actions. and neither do you.
(Of course I understand you being scared of the dark, or parking lots and such...what women isn't?) b
just do your best to stay out of trouble (or troublesome areas) but live your life with more freedom and less fright.
I really hope the best for you
2007-08-30 15:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As painful and uncomfortable as it is, you need to be honest with him. He is probably feeling very hurt and confused and like you don't want him.
For him to understand you and help you get through this, he has to know what has happened.
It really sounds like you are having a hard time dealing with this issue and I strongly encourage you to get some counseling. There is free counseling available to rape victims.
Good luck!
2007-08-30 15:47:21 · answer #9 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WoW!
Your brother is a MONSTER!
You need to talk to someone about this and get support to understand it's ok to move on and it's on to be intimate with the one you love...
It isn't fair that your brother all trust from you.
It isn't fair your boyfriend is paying the price.
Because of this, you NEED to come to terms with reality...Not all people are out there to hurt you. There is good in alot of us and we ALL deserve to share that.
Your trip to sanity is a long one...I wish you a safe ride...Be strong and keep going...No matter how rough the road gets, please ....KEEP GOING.
2007-08-30 15:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by brendita7277 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the question? This isn't a blog. Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist about this issue. Do your parents know your brother did this to you? I am sure if you get some counseling, you can accept your boyfriend touching you.
2007-08-30 15:43:06 · answer #11 · answered by ginluvsrob06 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋