Every monrning my 6 year old and I would walk to school, and she's this "Scary Man" who had tattoos and piercings all over his face and I can guess..the rest of his body. She would always say something like "He's scary" or "He's a bad guy". I would talk to her quite often about not judging people and he was some little boys grandpa. (He was an elderly gentleman and walked his grandson to kindergarten). I told her some little boy loves him the same as she loves her grandpa and we should never, ever think things about people before knowing them. That being said - I found out recently on the sexual offenders website for my town that he's a convicted rapist and various other sex crimes. What should I do now? Tell her "Know what I said about not judging people..forget all of that...that IS a bad guy"? HELP!!
2007-08-30 07:40:05 · 34 answers · asked by razor_sharp_redhead 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
You assumed that she was just prejudiced--a natural assumption and, as parents, we work on that in ourselves and our kids--nature's true conservatives. That said, sometimes kids have a gut instinct about people and places (just as adults may) that warns them. Take the approach that she may have had that feeling. Talk with her about gut feelings and help her to begin to distinguish between those and prejudice based solely on appearance or sound or smell. This is sophisticated thinking, but these days require sophistication unless we're prepared to scare our kids about every odd thing they encounter and raise a generation of selfish, cynical adults. (Oops, aren't we halfway there already?)
What about, "I know we talked about not judging people by their looks, but you were right about the man with the tattoos. I found out that he's not a nice man. How did you know?" Then lead the discussion.
Don't cop out and do a "Stranger Danger" talk. 95% of child molestation is not done by strangers; children are probably safer with strangers than with parents, stepparents, relatives and leaders.
2007-08-30 07:53:31 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes this man is a horrible person however a 6 year old will never understand the conflicting information.
Now is as good a time as any to enforce "do not talk to strangers" You can explain it is not good to judge people but because YOU do not know him and SHE feels he is a scary man that she should stay away for him or any other stranger that may approach her tell her that if any scary people ever try to approach her she should tell you or an adult that she trusts right away so that it may be monitored or dealt with in the here and now not when it is to late, I would get my friends and family involved to inform other families of the potential risks of this man living in the area. Its great to look for the best in people however lets not forget we do live in a less than perfect world.
2007-08-30 08:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by suds_r_us 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a conundrum.
There are two ways your daughter considered this person a "bad man." One is if she knows the little boy, and he's telling her if the granddad is doing bad things to him. The other is if she's using association due to a cartoon character or some fictional character in a TV show or movie she knows to be bad, and has tattoos all over his face or body.
A third possibility is that children can sometimes tell if someone is a bad person or not just by looking at him. It is said children possess a sort of "sixth sense" that allows them to detect these things, among other things as well.
Tell her that we cannot think of someone as being a "bad" or "good" person until we have gotten to know them more. Tell her that you found out some things on this man that made him turn out to be a bad man after all.
Tell her that if you ever feel unsafe about someone, you should go to an adult you trust, like your mom or dad, teacher, or police officer, and let them know if that particular person scares you. The adult can help protect you, and help determine if the person is in fact a "bad person" or not.
2007-08-30 07:56:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, how is it that he's hanging around a school? I thought registered sex offenders are not allowed to be around schools? Even if he is walking his grandson. Are laws different in different states? I would be tempted to call the authorities to make sure it's ok for him to be around the kids. I don't mean to pick on this guy, who knows, maybe he is fully recovered or healed or whatever they do to them. But this is just a subject that is near and dear to me, a child in my family was just a victim of a pedophile. Plus I work at a police department and I see this stuff all the time.......it's sickening!
As far as your daughter goes, do not tell her the entire truth, she might not fully understand yet. Just make sure she knows never to be alone or come near people she does not feel comfortable with----strangers. You don't want to instill fear in her. Is there a different way you can get to school without having to see him all the time?
And no matter how old we get I think we all still do judge people at first at times. I know people that look like this, some biker looking types also and they are great people. Maybe it's the "normal" looking ones we should worry about... Take care and be safe.
2007-08-30 08:05:15 · answer #4 · answered by texicangirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well is he a bad guy because he has tattoo's or because he did heinous things? There is a difference. Your daughters instincts were on the money, and that is GREAT (watch Oprah she always talks about that inner voice). It seems like your trying to raise a fair minded person so as she ages she'll learn You never know so listen to the gut....Maybe say look if someone makes you uncomfortable then you shouldn't be around them, he looks strange and makes you feel uncomfortable and when you feel like that then stay away. Sometimes people look strange but they are nice and some people "look" perfectly nice and they are really not (like all those priests who are involved in the Catholic church scandal)..Also have you asked her why he's bad? She may elaborate on that in ways that blow your mind children sometimes have amazing insight.
Good luck the grown up world can be really complex and scary.
2007-08-30 11:52:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he convicted for crimes against children? Some (a few) people on those reg. sex offender lists, have done their time, and some can even learn a lesson form their jail time. The web sites where I'm from include 18 year olds having consensual sex with 17 year olds.
I'm not saying to send your kid down there or anything like that, but one really never knows the circumstances of why one is on that list. I have a friend that was with a buddy who had sex with a woman for the exchange of crack, well his buddy didn't give her the crack so she hollered rape. My friend didn't have sex with here, but yet he's now a reg. sex offender. This has ruined his life. On top of that...they never did any DNA testing. He is now trying have this over ruled.
Please continue not to judge people
2007-08-30 09:05:22 · answer #6 · answered by southernvixin00 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not go back on what you said...she should not judge people 6 years old is too young to understand the rights and wrongs of society.
But you should definitely have a stranger = danger talk to her and tell her that even though she may see someone (like the scary man) and she shouldn't judge him, doesn't mean she should go anywhere with him without asking you first - this way you kill two birds with one stone - she wont be in danger from him and you don't have to take back a very important lesson you have taught her.
Good luck and repeat the stranger = danger stuff frequently!
2007-08-30 07:52:06 · answer #7 · answered by Finchy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know this sounds bad but I think your child was trying to tell you in his own way something "bad" happened. Maybe you should gently ask him if this man touched him inappropriately. I myself have tattoo and piercings and I am not an evil person, so your intention were good. However you should defiantely tell your son to stay clear of this guy. By the way...Why was a registered sex offender at a school? This is more than likely a violation. You should warn your child teacher to look out for this man also. I believe it is up to us to stop predators. Good luck with this situation. And thanks for letting you child know that some people just look a little different even if in this case he realy was "bad". -Rachel
2007-08-30 07:54:03 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were right the first time around. You were basically telling her "Do not judge a person by the way they Look." Which is correct. You should always judge them by their actions. Now, You are not telling the child you were wrong in what you said before, you are telling her you learned more about his ACTIONS that speak louder than his tattoos.
There are plenty of rapists out there without tattoos on their faces (or at all for that matter), as well as plenty of Police Officers, Doctors, and Soldiers who have tattoos - so judging anyone by their tattoos or by anything about their appearance is not a way to be completely accurate.
Judge people by their actions and you won't go wrong.
2007-08-30 07:49:40 · answer #9 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
well, you are judging him based on a criminal conviction and that is much different than judging him based on a tatoo. You can tell her to stay away from that man and tell you if she sees him because you heard some bad things about him. Make sure she knows it has nothing to do with his tatoos.
She still will probably make that assoication in her mind, but you can't help that. Your only concern here is to protect your child not to be the defender of all tatooed people.
2007-08-30 08:08:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋