I think I made a mistake with my cat - Can I fix this?

Question

I've always had dogs, this is my first cat. He is a male, was adopted at a few months, he was found in the dumpster. he is a good kitty, playful and mischievious, but all in all a great cat. I was away for 8 days. I had my cousin come in every day to feed and water the cat. I felt bad, but asked around and the general consensus was that this was ok. I knew McCoy would be lonely, but.....well, this was the decision I made and I think it was the wrong one. Since we have been back, I think McCoy is terrified we are going to leave again. He waits right behind the door when we leave, he cries when anyone is behind closed doors (the bathroom). He's better, but he's not the same as he was. I think I made the wrong decision, is there any way to make him feel less anxious?

These responses are so comforting and wonderful. McCoy just turned a year in August, and yes this was the first time I left him alone and I have been back since August 15th. And to And Ummm....Jack - Why are you even on here if these are 'anonymous strangers whom I know nothing about and may know nothing about what I am asking????'

Answer 1

Bless his heart. Yes, it probably would have been better to board him so he would have human contact and company. But, don't beat yourself up about it. This will take time. My cat was rescued also. I've had him 10 years and he still follows me to the bathroom. I keep the door open when I am alone. He can always see me that way. Actually, my dogs follow me too and they weren't rescued. Because my animals think they have to be with me constantly, I try to make it where they can see me. When this is not possible, I talk to them through the door. Be patient. As he feels more secure, he will get better. When you have to leave the house, I would make sure he has toys and his bed near door. I hope this helps. I hope someone else comes up with a better answer. Good luck, dear.

Answer 2

How much exposure has McCoy had to other people ? If he was really only used to you, and then you went away, he may have been left feeling very insecure. Try to introduce him to as many other cat-friendly people as you can so that he is used to seeing a variety of people.

Other things you can do when you go away:

- leave him some gentle music playing in the background, but put it on a timer so that he can get some quiet time too
- make sure a light will come on at dusk (and then switch off at bed time)
- don't be stingy with the food while you are away ! food seems to equal love for alot of cats !
- find what he likes to play with to amuse himself
- you might want to think about getting him a kitty cat friend to play with, but don't leave it too late as it's harder to introduce them when they get older; as long as McCoy is fixed, he should accept either a boy or a girl but a girl may be easier for him to take to NB if you do this, make sure you introduce them to each other very slowly and supervise all initial encounters !

I adopted a four year old cat who had been abandoned and everytime I took her to a boarding cattery when I went away, she would behave as if she was being abandoned all over again. It was heartbreaking so I switched to a pet sitter who comes by and cares for her at my house plus, I did all of the above steps. Now, I am just punished for a few hours when I get back - she sulks.

Don't worry about McCoy - cats are creatures of habit, they hate change so if this was the first time you went away, it's natural he was disturbed, especially after his horrendous start in life (a dumpster ? what's wrong with some people).

Good luck !

Answer 3

Yea, 8 days was quite a long time. Three day weekends are usually my limit that I'll leave my cat without her being too anxious. She is so happy to see us we we return and tries to make up for all the rubbing she's missed out on while we were gone. I once left my cat for about 10 days with my neighbor stopping by to feed her. I'll never leave her alone for that long again. She got so depressed that after 7 days my neighbor said she noticed that she wasn't eating and asked if there was any way the cat could get out of the house because she hadn't seen her since the day before. Turns out that she was under the bed and stayed there until we returned. It took her a long time to come out from under the bed, but I swear she seemed so depressed at the thought that we had left her and she was alone! I'll never do that again. She moped around for the whole day but fortunately by the next day she came around to being her old self again. You didn't say how long you've been back, but just keep up the old routine and your cat will come around to being his old self again too.

Answer 4

Sometimes you have to go away and leave you kitten or cat behind. You did the right thing with getting someone to feed it while you were away. Same thing happened with my cat. I went overseas for five weeks. I was worried about leaving my cat at a boarding place for cats as she may become depressed to be caged up and then not eat. I had someone come and feed my cat daily but I left dry food in a feeder just in case someone forgot a day. When I got back my cat changed. She would only meow quietly but when I got back it was like it got louder. She would meow until I went to her and then she would just want me to pat her. She would lie down on her back so I could pat her stomach and under her chin. And this would happen even at night, at three in the morning, whenever. But even if I didn't go to her she would continue. One time she meowed loudly for over half an hour and finally I went to her because I thought she would wake the neighbours. Over time she started doing this less and less. It should get better with time.

Answer 5

I know what you mean. I have a boy we got from the humane society, and one of us needed to sleep on the sofa with him for 2 weeks until we let him have access to the other 2 cats we have. He NEEDS company.
McCoy just needs alot of reassurance: play with him until he is done playing, snuggle him, maybe even spend a night on the sofa, or let him in your bed.
When we go away for 4 days or more, we have a friend stay over, but not everyone is lucky to know such a friend. We were gone 3 weeks in July and even with Auntie staying with them he was extra clingy when we got home. Again in Aug we were away 3 days, home for 1, and gone again for 4. We needed to stay home for a few days (we rented alot of movies and had 3 cats on our laps) to make up for it. This is how 3 cats behave when left alone, so McCoy is just reacting the way 1 cat is when left alone too long.
Now you know for next time and just give kitty a little extra loving.

Answer 6

You made the right decision by having someone come in to take care of McCoy while you were gone. It's best for cat's to stay in their own homes when you have to be away.

He is obviously very attached to your family and it was traumatic for his to "lose" you. You don't say how old he is and maybe you should consider another cat companion for him.

Human beings have a life outside of their homes - an indoor cat does not. Another cat would make him less dependent on your love and attentions when you are away.

Answer 7

He will get back to normal eventually. Cats are very sensitive to any change in their environment. Just reassure him and give him lots of love and attention. He may never stop with the crying at closed doors, most cats do that anyway :-) But he should be fine. We have three cats, and every time we go on vacation we come back home to a different behavior or two.

Answer 8

Make sure you give him a lot of attention while you are there. Also, when you are leaving in a loving voice say "I'll be right back." If you leave again for that long, you may want to consider boarding at a vet or have a friend stay with him at your place full-time. It'll take a little while, but he'll realize you are coming back.

Answer 9

My cat is 14 and still does this and he's a neutered male. When my husband goes away and returns even though I've been there all the time he still follows him around all over th place and will even come and sleep in the bedroom for a few days. And if I've been out to work and come in he'll follow me around and mew outside the bathroom and even push his way in. My female cat does this aswell! I think it's just they're way of keeping company with you. Cats are often independent creatures but they do still love a bit of social interaction with you - on they're terms!!

Answer 10

You and your family should just go about your regular life; he'll figure out that things are back to normal and his hanging behind the door isn't making any difference. With my cats, they know that if we go take a nap together, it means all is well. When we come back from being away, or when we've had earthquakes or when repair guys go tramping through their space, I just have to grab the cats and go take a nap with them and they relax and go back to being the sweet, happy litlte guys they were before being scared--it's a routine (and I like napping with them).