My dear friend and I were planning our weddings at the same time. During the process, she has wanted to use my wedding colors, floral ideas, photographer, and party favors. I tried helping her select her own invitations and waited until she ordered certain things pertaining to her wedding before answering any questions about my personal plans. Now that my wedding has passed (and yes she was in it) it has gotten worse! She wants to borrow my tiara, use the music I played in the ceremony, the location where I had my bridal shower, etc!!!! I worked my behind off to plan my own beautiful occasion. I am in her upcoming wedding. I've told her that she needs to use her own special touch but she's not getting it.
How do I tell her to use her own creativity without causing tension?
2007-08-30 07:27:36 · 40 answers · asked by wrtrchk 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We've been friends for over 10 years.
Yes my wedding was original because it was a Harlem Renaissance/1930s theme. The only people who were at my wedding who will attend hers is my friend and her future husband, therefore, everything she copies she will get the credit for. I know it seems silly but it's sillier to me to copy someone else's wedding. Did I tell you she changed her plans and is honeymooning at the same place I am?!
2007-08-30 08:34:26 · update #1
It may be understandable that she may want to use some of the same things like venue (it worked so well for your needs too) and such.
However it is not understandable that she also wants to use such personal things as the music and your tiara.
Remember all the other ideas you had? Different songs that had to be set aside? Other color combinations? The other tiara you almost chose? Different traditions that sounded great but you just didnt use?
Tell her you liked the songs you chose but there was also this other one there just wasn't time to include. You saw this tiara after puchasing the one you have now and the other one would look so great on her. Take her shopping to try it on. Try to direct her somewhere else.
Tell her you love the creative process and want to help her make hers as unique as possible.
2007-08-30 08:24:09 · answer #1 · answered by msbettyboop40 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are only so many ways to throw a wedding, and you already had yours. Are all the same people going to be in attendance? I am guessing probably not. So who cares if she uses your idea or borrows something from you? Where will your tiara get better use? In a box in the attic, or loaning it to a good friend?
Now that my wedding is over, I have a friend who is *sort of* planning a wedding. Not officially yet. But the first thing I am thinkig is that I can save her a bunch of time and money if she is interested in borrowing any of my stuff... like the tiara, jewelry, decorations. I even ended up with all the certerpieces.
I think this is one of those things that you should just let slide. It's really not going to hurt you in the grand scheme of things.
2007-08-30 07:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult question. How close are you? Maybe she is being sincere and loved your wedding so much she wants something similar. As to borrowing your tiara, well, that is up to you, but if you don't, tell her you already had it vacuum packed along with your dress and it is such a fuss to open the package once it's sealed, etc, etc. Offer to go tiara shopping with her, but of course she has to understand this might be a one timer, because you are already busy getting on with your life as as newlyweds. Sort of become unavailable if need be.
Maybe she actually has no special touch. Some people are seriously lacking in it. Have her look over bridal magazines or visit one of those places like wedding expos, where all the wedding suppliers hold a sort of convention and you can browse through all of them in one place. This is a great place to get ideas.
2007-08-30 07:42:01 · answer #3 · answered by Karan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is bizarre. I know while I'm planning my wedding I've been trying so hard to make sure I DON'T copy anything my friends have done before. I cannot imagine purposely asking to repeat their ideas. And yeah, I get what people are saying about it being flattering, but I wouldn't care if it were me. I wouldn't want someone to come behind me and do my exact wedding all over again. Sure, every idea you have, someone has done before, but generally a close friend hasn't done them all! I'd be ticked, and would have to agree with Cory C...I'd be having amnesia on a lot of things I'd done. As far as the tiara goes. That's sacred to me. That was a special part of my day, and unless it was my daughter, I can't see myself letting someone borrow it. Try to help her forget your plans and help her make some of her own ones. Maybe go to websites together or look at new magazines and steer her toward something that doesn't resemble yours as much. Maybe even lie to her and say something like "You know, that was nice at my wedding, but if I had it to do all over again, I would have chosen something different." Maybe she'll follow that advice.
2007-08-30 07:57:00 · answer #4 · answered by Finally Mrs. 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing you both would have many of the same people at your weddings, in which case, she looks like a copycat and lame since you just got married with the exact same stuff she is trying to copy.
I understand why you are annoyed, you have ever right to be. I would be, too. I would just make excuses (about packing away the tiara, or tell her you lost the number of your florist, etc.) and hope that she would take the hint. If she's really dim, you should say something like "I feel like your wedding is not really reflecting your personality and your interests, as a couple. Would you like me to help you come up with some ideas?" Use themes from their relationship to create a wedding theme, or potentially wedding colors (say, if they're both golfers, they can use green). Trust me, if she's as unoriginal as you say, she will need all the help she can get.
2007-08-30 07:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by Naughty ♥Angel♥ Mommy2B! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When she is planning things, say " that's what I did" keep saying it and maybe she will finally see that she is copying what you had. As far as the Tiara, I would say that you think she should get her own so someday she can pass it on to her daughter when she gets married. You can't stop her from where she has her bridal shower, If you had your music taped, then go have something different taped for her and when something is said " oh I got them mixed up, I must have misplaced it, or suggest that you help her pick out some thing that is special for both of them. There might not be a way to tell her, but you can only suggest different things.
2007-08-30 07:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think I would have a memory lapse! When she asks where or how or what, just tell her that you just don't remember, there was so much going on then and since that there are some things that you just forgot. Also, if she wants to borrow things, or asks you to look up the things you forgot, I'd just either 'forget to do so' or tell her they are all in storage packed away. As for your tiara - that's your call you can either let her use it as her something borrowed - or you can tell her the style doesn't go with her gown, or tell her that something else will look so much better.
I'm afraid this girl will not understand subtlety, so either come right out and tell her that you did the work for your own wedding so unless she plans to pay you as consultant, she can do her own work!
2007-08-30 07:42:05 · answer #7 · answered by Cory C 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
DON'T let her borrow your tiara OR use your music that was played in the ceremony. You "lost" it or is being taken care of somewhere else. Don't tell her where or what type it was.
SHE does not dictate where her bridal shower is being held. If you can, talk to the bridal party and ensure its not being held where yours was held.
Or you can consider it flattering, it should not lessen your beautiful day.
Edit: As long as she is not at your honeymoon location the same time you are, don't worry about that. I haven't told ANYONE the exact location I plan on having the honeymoon and don't plan on it until we get back.
2007-08-30 07:41:04 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would consider it more flattery than anything. Let her do what she wants for her wedding....after all, you got the chance to do what you wanted. If you have already told her to use her own flair and she is not, there is little you can do. Besides, your wedding was first and anyone who will be witness to both either will know she is copying you....or they will not even notice the similarities. Bottom line, she is your friend and this is how she wants to do it. The only thing you can say no to is the tiara I guess... be happy for her. I'm sure she was with you.
2007-08-30 08:10:02 · answer #9 · answered by Kim 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well she seen everything you did at your wedding so it's not a secret anymore. If she asks you where you got anything or the number for a specific location just play dumb. It's so sad when your wedding is being copied. A wedding is suppose to be a wonderful day that you and your fiance planned and to be unique for the two of you. She needs to follow her own taste and creative design.
2007-08-30 07:35:03 · answer #10 · answered by pph24013 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋