hey all what would u do if u have an anger problem an u have a bf?

Question

that u love an he loves u but we fight all the time well not all the time but when he get home from work. I start in on him by yelling @ him an i dont want 2 do that anymore, I love him an he is so sick of me fighting with him he broke up with me bec of my anger problems but he took me back, bec im on meds now but I still fight wit him how can I stop fighting wit him over every little thing, an show him I do love him ??? ,what r some things I could do so i dont yell @ him an love him .an please dont b mean 2 me

SORRY IF IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE 2 U ALL

bf means boyfriend not best friend

Answer 1

First of all, I'm proud of you for having the courage to take responsibility for your behavior, instead of blaming it on everyone else in your life and insisting that "they make you angry." I wish more people would admit that they have a problem with inappropriate anger---the world would be a much nicer and safer place in which to live! And you are right, your anger is ruining your life.

Let's examine the question you asked: How can I learn to control myself?" First of all, nothing is "wrong" with you; something is wrong inside of you. You aren't a bad person because you are angry. You probably angry because, when you were a child, you were treated like or felt like a bad person.

Haven't you noticed that often you get upset over insignificant things; that events that shouldn't have such a power affect on you set you off? That's because the source of most on your anger is not found in the present, but in the past. Most rage-a-holics, and that describes you, experienced one or all the following circumstances while they were growing up:
1) They were physically, verbally, or sexually abused as a child.
2) They felt unloved or abandoned as a child.
3) They felt powerless as a child.

If a child experiences any of the situations I just mentioned, she will naturally feel enormous sadness and grief. If she is unable to feel that grief, or doesn't have permission to express it, or the angry feelings accompanying it, it will surface years later as inappropriate anger and rage. Many adults who appear angry are simply acting out repressed grief from their childhood.

Once you begin to release the old, pent-up emotions, you will find that "controlling your anger" becomes mush easier, since you don't feel the anger as frequently, and therefore won't react from any angry place. Naturally, you can employ other techniques like "time-outs," etc., which is a qualified therapist can teach you, while you're in the process of doing your deeper work. Remember: By facing and healing your old demons, you're not only giving you loved ones a wonderful gift, but you're loving yourself in the most profound way possible.

ravishingV

Answer 2

Agree on rules of engagement:
1. If either starts yelling or getting out of control, the conversation is over. One of you walks. You resume the conversation when you are able to be in control.
2. No personal attacks, name-calling, sarcasm, etc. If any of that occurs, the conversation is over until whoever the big mouth is can get a grip. Breathe, take a walk, shower, etc.
3. Bring a solution, don't just gripe. If you feel disrespected, then say so and describe what you need to feel better.
4. Look on line for effective communication/problem-solving, negotiation tactics and read up on how to manage anger issues. Many times we fight about stupid things, but the real problem is deeper and needs fixed.
5. My husband has a horrid anger problem. He has to relieve stress with hard exercise, some fun, and be a kinder person to himself. Cut yourself and your partner some slack for being human.
6. Make yourself happy first. Find out what makes you tick. When are you most relaxed? Are you your own best friend? If you are trying to get yourself worth from your relationship, you will always be disappointed. If you love you, you will be more able to recieve love and give it without all the drama.
7. If you have a problem, wait until you can talk about it calmly and are willing to negotiate a solution. He is your best friend right? He can help you.
8. Listen. When he talks, do not defend, deny, attack, criticize, etc. Just hear him. If you need a minute to cool down, then say so and go away. Re-phrase what you heard him say before you react/act.
9. Get in the habit of acting instead of reacting. These are your feelings and your actions and you can decide how you will let things make you feel.
10. Consider Tai-Chi or yoga to better help you be cool. You can train your body and mind to be calm. It is free on Fit.TV if you can't afford it.

11. If none of that helps, then go see a therapist and who does psychotherapy and cognitive therapy. They can help you learn skills that will benefit you and your relationships for life and end the need for the medicine.

Congratulations for deciding to get a grip on your anger and become a person you respect and others will too. There is a lot of info out there that can help if you only look.

My husband did it. You will too. Good luck.

Answer 3

I may be reading into this a bit, but if you are on meds, you have insurance, if you have insurance, get therapy. Hell, even if you DON'T have insurance, get therapy.

The funny thing about anger is, if you don't control it, it will get worse, it does not stay at the same level, it only grows.

Your anger may well cost you a boyfriend that you love. Is it worth losing him? Doesn't sound like you want to, and it sounds like you are well aware of your own problem, now all you need is some help learning to control it.

Good luck

Answer 4

Breathe! ok, now: take him thoroughly out of the equation. forget that he's a factor of this question. Do you think of you will income from a pair of instructions with a counselor? Do you think of it would help your life as a rule in case you have been to objective and artwork with somebody to come to a decision the "roots" of your physique of innovations issues, and probable artwork out some tactics of coping with even if this is that pushes your buttons on a visceral point? would you are trying this even if if he'd fairly broken it off thoroughly - advised you "i'm with the aid of with you - you pick help, and that i don't choose this!"? would you are trying this on your man or woman sake, and not by way of fact he needs you to? I ask you a majority of those questions 'reason if the respond is not any, then it is not correct what you do. you will circulate to the counselor, yet you will not think of there is truthfully something incorrect, so it will in basic terms exchange right into a activity of paying the cost and sitting there and arranged on your ex-bf to settle on you have accomplished it for long sufficient. and at last you will finally end up acceptable decrease back for the duration of this comparable place given which you will not have truthfully fastened something. given which you do not see something to repair. do not try this for him. Do it for you. and don't do it in any respect till you're able to do it for you. in any different case this is a waste of time and cash.

Answer 5

Maybe when you get off work you could go for a walk somewhere of just have a few minutes to yourself to get passed the stress at work before you go home. If that didn't work and the meds aren't helping either then maybe some time apart would. Good Luck

Answer 6

Anger management is not what I do best, but my wife will remind me of what I said, how I said it, how I would feel if she told me in that manner and what I should do about it.

Just put yourself in his shoes and you will start finding that the problem is your attitude, just like me, and you might want to start changing your ways, and being more assertive and positive about things.

Imagine there's a mirror in front of you and look at the Pessimist in front of you, be more optimistic, stop getting mad about everything. Acting the way you do only pushes him away and eventually he will dump you because you can't stop being bitter with him about everything.

Start over and become his friend, not his enemy, love him, understand him and talk, don't argue. Good Luck.

Answer 7

dont go any further. anger and fighting is not healthy. Get some help

Answer 8

You need to receive counseling. Yelling and picking fights with your s.o. is not healthy.

Answer 9

i think you should sit down down and talk to him and dont yell
at all just tell him that you are sorry and that you guys need to talk things out between you and him alright so just talk to him alright

Answer 10

Before you're about to yell at him about something...think to yourself..."Is it really that bad?". You'll realize it isn't. This won't help you worldly but it'll help some.