How long is too long to wait for him to purpose. I've been in a 5 year relationship and its not happening.

Question

How long is too long to wait for him to purpose?
Fact: Your body only gives off love hormones for the first two years you are with someone. After that you have just decided that you are going to be with them and no love hormones are secreted.

Been dating for five years, we don't even live together at this point. We break up often (At the longest for three weeks at a time) Usually I break-up with him because he says or does something to piss me off. Sometimes he will say that he will hang out with me the next day and then he will say that he's gonna hang out with his buddy all night when I call him that day. How long is too long to wait? I understand that when you get married that you want everything to be perfectly stable. I have talked to him about it and he says I am perfectly commited to you any way and why should we get married when we fight like we do? Which I understand completely. Now we are living together for 1 month and the fighting hasnt changed except we see eachother.

Answer 1

The time constraint is up to you, how long are you willing to wait? Do you really want to accept a proposal knowing that he felt obligated to do it by guilt or pressure?

Also, if you feel unsure about him in anyway that should be a red flag. When you get married, the on and off isn't called breaking up or taking a break. It's called a separation or divorce.

Think long and hard about this. Don't let getting older be something to worry about. There's no maximum age requirement for getting married. Be 100% ready first.

Answer 2

If you have repeatedly broken up over the five years over things he says or does and he's expressed a decided interest in not marrying you and you're fighting constantly. It sounds more like your relationship is at an end. You should either reside yourself to the fact that he doesn't want a marriage. The on again off again relationship isn't conducive to marriage either. What are you going to do two months into the marriage when you fight again, get a divorce?

Answer 3

If you have been together for 4.5 years and have a child together, by this time I think it's ok to tell him how you really feel. If something is really bothering you, there's nothing wrong with telling him how you really feel about it. I can understand that weddings are not cheap and he might think of it as a waste of money because you guys are already together but if you let him know how important it is to you, and if he can't compromise, then you have to start looking at the fact that he might not want to marry you. Marriage is something that you both want and both make sacrifices for. You can't force him to make that sacrifice, because if he truly loves you, he should want to make that sacrifice for you.

Answer 4

I have been right where you are.. how old are you.. is the question.. I dated my ex for about 5 years and he talked about marriage to.. but you know what as much as its gonna hurt and trust me it's gonna hurt like hell but you need to let go and move on.. find someone that will love you appreciate you and not take you for granted.. waiting isn't the matter it;'s how he treats you.. and when you get married do you really think that every things gonna magically change it wont.. I got out of that relationship and I'm happy..but it's all up to you.. good luck pray about it and know that heavenly father loves you

Answer 5

I don't really think that there is a time limit on when someone is supposed to purpose...Maybe he is just not ready to do that, you like to break things off when you are mad and he might not feel secure enough about that to ask to marry you. Try and change yourself and fix the relationship problems then think about getting married.

Best of wishes to you.

Answer 6

every relationship is different.

i have friends that JUST got engaged and they've been together for 7 years.

my husband and i knew each other 4 months before we got married.

i know a couple that fight all the time....that's just how they work together....they fight, they make up, they fight....we've stopped worrying about it b/c they always make up and they really do love each other....

it's not for me, though, but it works for them...i think.

you guys just have to ask yourselves if this relationship is what you want.
ALSO, you have to realize when to say when if he doesn't want to commit.
if you've had enough and want a commitment, then either tell him to commit or else walk away.

take care:)

p.s.
beware, though, if you give him an ultimatum...b/c if he chooses you, you may start to wonder if he really would have married you regrdless of your ultimatum.

take care:)

Answer 7

Try not fighting. Try remember what those first two years are like. Try enjoying each other for once. Being friends, lovers, whatever. Who would want to get married to something that seems so unhappy?
You know I know :)
What is the point of a relationship, if you are not happy?

Answer 8

If you guys aren't even living together then i think he realizes taht you aren't commited to eachother enough to take the next step. Talk about this to him and tell him that you really want to get married. Then give him a month at max if nothing happens then leave him and tell him that you want to move on with your life.

Answer 9

Why would u want to marry him if yall are always breaking up and getting back together? It would just make things harder. If YOUR the one who keeps dumping him all the time, then maybe he doesnt want to marry you because he's worried his marriage would fail. Talk it out with him, but if doesnt work out and yall are in a relationship together, that doesnt mean signing a piece of paper will change anything.

Answer 10

He's right. Why should he commit himself to someone he fights with all the time?

Break up once and for all and be done with it. This guy isn't the one for you - and - guess what - you're not the one for him, either.

Oh and with this stupid "love hormones" theory of yours - you'll never be ready for the long hall anyway.