I'm doing a lot for the wedding, too, like hosting the rehearsal dinner - I got suckered into that by being a "nice guy." I feel like it's not worth it & I'm ready to pull the plug on the dinner. She's a smarmy, self-absorbed twit, I can't stand her, she's doing little passive-aggressive jabs at me, and I'm so mad right now, I'm shaking. How do I deal with this?
2007-08-30 05:21:05 · 14 answers · asked by sweet pea 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's actually my husband's brother (also no prize) who's marrying the beast, not my brother.
2007-08-30 05:43:21 · update #1
Figure out why you hate her. She may have problems but they don't have to be yours. Confront her every time she is shitty to you. If you pull out of an obligation you have already committed to - you will be the bigger ***. And it will be used against you forever.
Be nice but, don't be a doormat. I had a sister in law that was a real creep for years. I used EFT (emotional freedom technique, www.emofree.com), and no longer was bothered by her behavior. In our last (and final) encounter she did her thing, and it fell flat on the floor and all eyes were on her. I had no connection to the stupidity because I felt centered. I got up from my chair, said thank you for dinner and walked out the door. I didn't stay there and pretend nothing happened. But her issues didn't get under my skin. Try EFT, it's great.
-Beck
2007-08-30 05:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by Beck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do the right thing. If doing these wedding things is the right thing for the situation you're in, then do it and be done with it. Once it's over, go about your life and don't spend time with them.
If you stay on the high road, do the right things at the right time, you will never have to get down in the mud with her.
Be nice, wish them well. You won't regret being nice. You might regret if she can blaim you for messing up her wedding or for being a ***** yourself. If she's as bas as you say, maybe she won't be in the family long anyway.
Good luck. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-30 12:47:13 · answer #2 · answered by JustAskin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it were me , I would tell my brother what she does. If I were him, I would really appreciate what you say and think twice about marrying her. Your brother is in trouble and can't see the writing on the wall. If he persists with marrying her, create verbal boundaries about what behavior you accept and don't. Do it in a firm way but also in a way that gives her the opportunity to change. Try not to come across that she is judged and could never get back into your good graces. Don't over extend yourself. If something is too much to do, regardless of the reason, don't commit to doing it. Just tell the person, you've got too much on your plate right now. If you can think of someone else who can also help, let them know to check with them.
2007-08-30 12:35:48 · answer #3 · answered by nat u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Momto,
Firstly, don't do anything until you've calmed down otherwise you might regret it with it being so close to a wedding.
I know how you feel as I'm going through something similar with my daughter-in-law. I've realised now that no matter how much effort I put into this relationship she will never accept me because she just doesn't want to 'share' my son. Since I love him and want what's best for him, the relationship will always get my support and I will always be polite and welcoming towards her. I have had to bite my lips so as not to retaliate nastily towards her because to do so would give her the pretext she needs to throw any blame at me as to why we 'don't get on'. So when I'm with her I continue to treat her like one of the family.
Anyway this is about you but I’m thinking of your relationship with your brother. If you are close and you don’t want to lose his respect and friendship I would advise you to take deep breaths, count to ten, do your best to put up with her spiteful streak up until the wedding at least. Afterwards, keep your distance!
If your brother really loves her and she’s the one he wants to be with, like me, like your sister-in-law, like my daughter-in-law, we’re all going to have to find a way to tolerate each other and share!
Good luck and enjoy the wedding!!
Polly
2007-08-30 12:41:17 · answer #4 · answered by pollyanna 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do nothing for the broad. She's no good, she got no respect and she needs to be put in her place. Confront her and say you ain't gonna do nothing for her wedding and I bet she'll be speechless. People like that are often totally shocked and defeated when someone actually says something to them. Its awkward because she's marrying your brother and you don't mean him any disrespect, but she knows that, and she's using it to her advantage.
This is upsetting you, and it ain't good for you. She's putting negative energy in you and thats harmful to you. This is going to keep continuing if you don't do anything. I hate people like that. They are dangerous, really bad. They set people crazy.
Just don't fall out with your brother. Family is more important than that puttana.
Good luck!
2007-08-30 12:37:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi P, I know you're tired, and that may be the real cause that's setting you off so easy. Know what? You do have a legitimate reason to back out if you want to, and no one'll criticize you for it. Just give "health reasons" for an excuse. Legit enough, right?
Now hush down, Purple P.
2007-08-30 13:16:01 · answer #6 · answered by Dowland 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've dealt with the same thing. I'm 17 and I actually cried and begged my brother not to marry her and so did my mom. Eventually we just had to realize he loved her and we couldnt do anything except accept it and try to make the best of it.
2007-08-30 12:33:28 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she needs to start acting like an adult because you don't waste your time or trouble with smarmy, self absorbed twits...
2007-08-30 12:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family"...having 'volunteered' your labors for this event you are indeed stuck...until it is over and then you are free to be as aloof as you care to be to them.Discuss it with your husband and make certain that he at least knows your position and that you have no intention of suffering this woman's behavior for the sake of "family" harmony.If he tries to get you to be 'reasonable' because she is so and so's wife,you say something like .."and I'm YOUR wife and won't tolerate your family treating me like that...what are you going to do about that?
Put the issue right into his lap. Wish you well Lady.
2007-08-30 13:17:10 · answer #9 · answered by Roger Ramjet 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If that's really the way you feel then you shouldn't have involved yourself so deep into her wedding. You really just have to make the best of it and kill her with kindness until it's all over. Limit your contact with her from that point on.
2007-08-30 12:56:07 · answer #10 · answered by eehco 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋