my boyfriend won't go to his AA meeting...?

Question

He is supposed to go to AA meetings regularly, he is on probation right now, he has been out of jail for 1 1/2 years, and still on it, but won't go to his AA meetings...I know he had problems with drugs/alcohol before he was in jail so I'm sure there is a reason they want him going to these meetings! He says he doesn't need to go because hedoesn't do drugs anymore, BUT he drinks around 3 times a week on average, every once in a while it could be 4 times a week! He drinks A LOT when he does drink too, like he can't stop when he starts. I love him but I'm starting to think he does have a problem. He says I'm crazy and it's ok if he drinks as much as he does....he mentioned me going to his AA meeting with him today but then just called and said he's not going to go, hes just going to forge the signature he's supposed to get when he goes like he always does. Is there anything I can do to get him to go w/o getting him into any trouble? I even thought about calling there to ask lol

can I ask what is the definition of an alcoholic??? I know it sounds silly to ask, but does the above info sound like a borderline alcoholic?

Answer 1

And you are with him....why?

Answer 2

Actually, the above description doesn't sound "borderline", it sounds "over the line" to me. You wrote "he can't stop once he starts" . . . and that is basically the definition of an alcoholic. He also shows many of the behaviors an active alcoholic shows . . .i.e., lying (forging the signature); denial (telling you you're crazy and it's ok if he drinks like he does); trouble with the law.

Now . . . as to what you can do . . . not much, if anything, for him. But there is a group for YOU, and it's called Al-Anon. I suggest getting in touch with them right away.

http://www.al-anon.org/

Answer 3

Sorry to say but it sounds like you should get out now. If he was assigned the AA meetings as part of his probation and he isn't going then he will end up back in JAIL. You can't make him go to the meetings. He knows what is at stack and obviously he doesn't care of he would do what he needed to be doing.

Answer 4

One of the definitions of ANY addiction is = Does it negatively affect my life? He's been in jail, is on probation, is required to attend a 12 step meeting, and could very easily be found in violation of his probation. It sounds to me that he hasn't hit his bottom but it's not about him really it's about you. Do you really want to go through all of it with him? I would encourage you to talk to the AA people and learn when and where there is an Al-Anon meeting you can attend and be supported by people in the same situation you are in.

Answer 5

Every man in my family is an alcoholic, and so is your boyfriend. I cannot stands drunks. My advice is to find a new boyfriend who doesn't drink, because it will only get worse over the years, and you may end up supporting him because he won't be able to hold a job, or maintain a relationship. You can't help him unless he is willing to go to the meetings and make an effort.

Answer 6

why no way hes doing the right thing that's what i did when i went to those meeting soon as i got out of there i need to drink AAA is for people with more then a drinking problem you should go and see for your self just make sure he stays out of trouble and go to probation and don't let him drive singing the AAA sheets is easy cheat without hearing a them depressing storys oh it is bad have him go to the doctors and get some zoloff if he whants to cut back or quit drinking

Answer 7

ahh, he does have a problem, he's in denial, most alcoholics deny they have a problem at all and that they can control it. im guessing he went to jail for reasons relating to drugs/alcohol so yeah. he does need help so have a serious sit down with him and tell him how you feel and how you see things. if he keeps blowin you off, tell him he either starts going to meetings and cutting down or you'll be leaving. and i hate to say it, but you'll know if he really loves you if he gets help. you can't make him get help, he's gotta wanna do it on his own. one thing you can do is go to al-anon meetings. its for spouse and families of alcoholics. they can help you deal with your problem and maybe give suggestions on what you can do. goodluck

Answer 8

He's an adult, sweetie...short of kidnapping (a federal offence), you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do.

All you can do is decide whether or not you are willing to stay with an alcoholic who is in denial and will most likely be back in jail soon. For your sake, I hope you leave him and find someone who isn't a looser.

Answer 9

Why are you with an alcoholic who refuses to go to his meetings and who has a criminal record? Now he is involved with forgery, too. By staying with him you are enabling him to continue to do the wrong thing. Are you that desperate? Surely you can find someone better.

Answer 10

your boyfriend wont change inless he wants too change. To tell the truth to me it sounds like he doesnt want to change whats so ever so for you the best thing to do is tell him if he keeps drinking you are going to leave him. if he keeps drinking the best thing to do is leave him but also tell him you are there for him and just tell him how you feel about the whole thing and that you really want him to go to his meetings

Answer 11

NO your boyfriend is an alcoholic and there is nothing YOU can do about it. Your best bet is to find a new boyfriend, if you stay with this one, you will continue to have trouble, since he won't admit his problem!