Last minute wedding changes: Am I wrong for not wanting to change the location of the church?

Question

I belong to a church my fiance does not like. It's not b/c of the word the church offers, but it's...basically, it's a megachurch and it's not her church which is 200 miles away (she moved to take care of her mother). When we were looking for a place to marry she wanted us to rent a bus or two and have our family travel to her church so she could get married at her church and by her pastor. I suggested was we get married at my church where 95% of the people invited live. We started by researching my church and although she was not a member, everything was a go. She asked me what I wanted to do and I made the decision that we get married in my city at that church since everything was a go.

Then when ran into problems scheduling appts. The counselor cancelled on us twice due to being sick and b/c my fiance was working 2 jobs and going to school (and I work fulltime 8-5) scheduling was a headache, but it got done. Then we went through the marriage classes and although she did not...

initially care for the teachers and it took them a month to cash my first payment for the class, we got things done.

Then we were suppose to be contacted about the wedding plans. Turned out the church had us planned offsite and did not know what to do with my final payment (they had it but I did not put anything in the memo section as to say it's going toward the wedding classes)...well long story short, we've had some problems only to find out 17 days before the wedding, we should not have gotten this far. The church marries members only. They've asked us this question at every step and the marrying elder finally told us yesterday this piece of info. After a 2 hour meeting with him he told us that he will make an exception.

Thinking everything is finally straightened out, my fiance no longers wants to step foot in the place and insists that we find someplace else. Now invites have went out to 150 people and 17 days to the big day, should I just give in to what she wants to do?

Answer 1

I am currently going through something similar.

My thing is if you and your fiance got this far you both need to have a final one-on-one with the church. Get everything you need straighten out and taken care of. Despite what everyone else has been saying this is YOUR day too, so I'm quite sure you're being affected by this as badly as her.

If God's will is for you to get married there, then do it.

Answer 2

How awful that you and your fiancee have to go through this! While there are good and bad things about every church, it's totally inexcusable what they did.

I can understand your fiancee not wanting to have the wedding there. I'd feel the same way.

Since the invitations have already been sent, changing the location may be a problem. It would be very difficult to try to get in touch with everyone, people may get confused, etc. Renting a bus or two would be an idea, but will the church allow you to use their parking lot while you bus your guests to the site?

Could her pastor possibly come to your church and con-celebrate or perform the ceremony? That may be a way to ease her discomfort.

After the wedding, I would make sure to write a letter expressing your displeasure at the way it was all handled. Perhaps if they know they will try to make it better for future couples.

Good luck and Congratulations! I'm sure it will be a wonderful day no matter what you choose to do.

Answer 3

This has become a logistical nightmare for you and I am really sorry that this has happened.
Since the invitations have already gone out, is it possible to call everyone to tell them of a rescheduled location. If not then you may be stuck with what you have.
If you can change it, why not opt for an outdoor location between the two places. An outdoor ceremony can be just as beautiful and elegant..It iwll just take some help from maybe friends to get it decorated in time.
Push comes to shove, you have to decide one way or another.
Obviously getting married at this church is no longer an option. Your bride hates it and this will surely ruin her special day.
On the legal front, I would consult legal advice if all the problems with this church are exact. You may have some legal remedy.
Can they ( the church) offer you an alternative location. You have paid for everything with your church only to be met with resistance 17 days out. Unacceptable and certainly not above ramification. It is almost like they have held your ceremony for ransom.
I think this is crunch time and you really need to find a compromise and quick. I also think that asking the current guest list to now travel and additional 200 miles is unacceptable.
There has to be a compromise in here somewhere.
You and your bride need to sit down and try to find a way around all this. Communiciation and compromise will be the key to a successful wedding here.
I certainly wish you both all the luck in the world.

Answer 4

Here's an idea. Find a nice location for a ceremony. Call the pastor from her church and see if he will come down and officiate it. You can pay for all of his travel expenses and hotel and he will attend the reception too. That way you have the best of both. She gets her pastor and you are still near the reception. Or go to a small local church and explain what happened. They may be able to help you out. If they can I'd become a member of the new church. After the problems this big church has caused I don't know why you would want to go back. Those mega churches are really just big money making machines. They aren't really running for the benefit of the community and they really don't have a "church community" because they are so large. It kind of defeats the purpose of what a church is supposed to represent.

Answer 5

Wow!, what a lot of confusion and unorganization. I would definitely say for you both to ask God of what HIS will is for your day. Then decide. Co-officiating with both pastors would definitely be a plus and probably make your fiance happy. Otherwise, you can choose another location that is just as beautiful and less stressful like a local garden or park that everyone can reach and is familiar with and then just have the church (each one separately) bless your marriage (a short ceremony after the wedding date and honeymoon) that way those that cannot make the change of location can still be a part of your special day.

Good luck and my prayers are with you!

Answer 6

I can understand how she feels and quite frankly I don't know if I would continue being a member of a church like that. They sound very unorganized and very unprofessional.

BUT you have paid all the money and the invitations have gone out. It seems like it may be a bigger headache to move it than to just go ahead with the ceremony as planned.

Maybe explaining it to her like that will make her see things, and if she is still adamant about changing the location, well then I'd say you have a lot of work to do!! I hope you didn't lose a lot of money over this.

I hope it works out for you! Good luck!

Answer 7

I would definately find someplace else. NOT her church, though, it's too far on too short of notice. Somewhere nearby that guests can easily find. Make calls immediately to tell guests the new location.

Considering the track record of this church, it is very likely that they will tell you the day of or at the rehearsal that they can't perform the ceremony.

Answer 8

When is the wedding? Have invitations (with the location) already been sent out? If they haven't you can certainly change the location. What is more important, convenience for guests or your soon-to-be-wife's happiness? Trust me, this is the first of many compromises you will have to make.

I understand why she'd want to move the ceremony, but invitations have already gone out. I say stay with your original church, but give the church feedback on how you felt the process was handled.

Answer 9

yes. She has reason to be unhappy with your church. They treated her in a shabby manor and she has reason to think the wedding will not go well there. They do not want she and it is obvious. She feels unwelcome.

A city hall wedding in your city and the reception can take place in your city with a blessing of the marriage in a small private gathering in her church after the honey moon.

Answer 10

Can you fiancee's minister officiate or co-officiate at your church? From the standpoint of your guests, it makes much more sense to hold the ceremony nearby, but I understand if she wants her own minister to perform the ceremony. Maybe there's a way to do both?