I've been married for 7 years to a really great guy who was diagnosed with acute myloid leukaemia a few years back.Thankfully he survived and we're considering having a baby but I'm terrified of it coming back and not only losing my husband but the father of my child.It's something we both really want but the risk just seems too high since leukaemia is one of those cancers that people rarely survive a second time around.
2007-08-30 04:50:14 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Having lost a fiance, I can tell you that there are times that I wish like crazy we had had a child together, but other times I am glad we didn't. His condition could have been passed on genetically, and all the meds could have had an effect on a child, which scared him into never having children. It's a tough choice, what if's are scary.
We never really thought about the single parent thing, though. I was already supporting him, his medical bills, and my two kids from another relationship, so I guess he figured I could handle one more! Being a single parent is tough, but the joys are worth it. Plus, if something was to happen, and he has a good family, they would probably give you more help than you would want!
It is good that you are thinking about all of it, but really you two are the ones that have to decide. Just don't let fear keep you from something you really want!!
One more thing, if you do decide to go ahead with a pregnancy, look into saving the stem cells from the birth. My husband's little brother died of leukemia, and we saved our daughter's stem cells, "just in case". It helps me feel a little better, if something happens to someone in my family the stem cells are a possible match to anyone of us. We worry that his biological children may be susceptible, and you never know what can happen........
2007-08-30 05:40:22 · answer #1 · answered by jenn_a 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow; that's a really tough question.
From your standpoint, it would be horrible to lose your husband and have your child lose a father. But, do the two of you want to do the safe thing and avoid having children just because your husband may die early of leukemia?
There is no sure thing in this world; we have to take chances and risks every day, since nothing is really predictable. It seems to me that if the two of you love each other, and want to bring a child into this world, then do that, and whatever happens, happens. After all, what if your husband never gets leukemia, but you get cancer? Or what if there's a car accident? Either of those scenarios are as likely as your husband's leukemia recurring, and those scenarios aren't stopping you from having children.
The important issue is whether the two of you both want to be parents. Don't make any large decisions like this on the chance that your husband's leukemia comes back. He is in remission, and neither of you should let the leukemia control your lives together.
2007-08-30 12:15:37 · answer #2 · answered by magic621a 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I admit to not knowing a lot of the details, but can he even have children? Are you talking about biological children, or adoption? I know chemo can cause infertility, something he probably would have been told by the doctors if they felt it waas a concern....
Anyway, please forgive my ignorance.
True, many people who have a relapse do not survive a second time. But what are the statistics regarding the number of people who have a relapse to begin with?
Keep in mind that there are no givens in this world. At any moment, any one of us could be in a car accident, be diagnosed with some fatal disease, or die in one way or another. Your husband's chances may be higher than most, but it's not like if he didn't previously suffer from cancer, he would definately be around for years to come.
I don't feel all that qualified to say this, but I think you need to work hard to not let the disease own you. I also think it would be beneficial for you to speak with a counselor about this, because your fear is clearly with you and is effecting your life in a pretty strong way. There are realistic concerns and fears, but at some point, you have to separate the valid concerns from the paranoid fears and refuse to allow the paranoid fears to dictate your life.
I would really strongly suggest posing this question to your family doctor, your obgyn and/or your husband's oncologist. Since they're familiar with your husband's case, they could probably help you more than we could, either putting your mind at ease or validating your concerns.
Personally, I don't THINK I would choose not to have a child with him if the statistics were high that he wouldn't relapse, but I'm thankful I've never had to put that belief into action.
2007-08-30 16:07:07 · answer #3 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A really good friend of mine and her husband has a similar situation. He has a rare disorder which tumors grow all over his body he is on a pill to keep his cancers in remission which he takes daily. Last spring they removed 48 tumors from his intestine and one was softball sized. He is currently in remission with the help of the medication (a pill he takes daily). She wants children she has always wanted children they have been married 8 years. He however doesnt because he doesnt want something to happen to him and leave her a single mother to raise a child. She said even if its not their own biological child (there is a chance his disorder would be passed onto the child) she'd like to adopt. Man does this cause a fight. She is battleing her need to be a mother he is battling his fear of dying and leaving her a single parent in his words "I wouldnt want to do that to you". I can see both their points of view because at anytime we can lose him to his cancer if his medication fails him and I can understand her wanting to be a mom so its hard either way. Personally I'd have the child and if something god forbid happened be a single mom and let my child know how brave and strong and how much my husband loved that child.
2007-08-30 12:09:19 · answer #4 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, go for it. If the worst happened, he would live on in his child. It is scary to become a parent and think of all the things that could happen. You or he could be killed in a car wreck. You just never know that tomorrow is guaranteed. You can't live your life with fears of what if. What if he never gets cancer again and you have this great child and this wonderful life together?
2007-08-30 12:45:55 · answer #5 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, There are people every day that loose their husbands. I'm sure it is probably one of the hardest things to deal with but the two of you deserve to have a child. You can't predict the future so you shouldn't keep yourself from doing something you know you want to do.
Good luck in which ever you choose.
2007-08-30 12:18:13 · answer #6 · answered by C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at the worst case scenario. If he was to die, would you be happy to have his child to remember him by and to keep his memory alive with other people? Would you be able to survive financially? If the answers are yes, I would do it. I'm guessing that child would be a great blessing to you regardless of what happened.
PS: I don't believe this type of cancer is inherited and I don't think you have to worry about your child getting it. If he is infertile due to treatments you may want to consider a sperm bank.
2007-08-30 11:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Personal story... my cousin (who had lived with leukemia) and his fiancee had a girl before he died... and she's living a good, decent and healthy life (she's 10 now). The first answeree was right - you want to celebrate life. It is worth the risk, considering that not only does your child inherit his genes, but yours, too. If I were in your position, I would have a child.
2007-08-30 12:01:21 · answer #8 · answered by Valerie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be great, I am sorry and I pray that it doesn't come back, but what if it does....not that you don't matter but a child for him would give him the WANT to fight as much as he can to see his baby grow up and then if not he can die having met his child, his flesh and blood. and if your husband dies, you will have your child to carry him on and help you through the loss
2007-08-30 12:30:16 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Dominguez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe you could get sperm from a sperm bank, this way at least its cancer free,and you don't have to worry about your child possibly getting it aswell
As far as your hubby's remission I would just hope it all turns out ok, I mean you never know right.
But i would be more worried my kid would get leukemia
and then be sick and need treatment Ect..
2007-08-30 12:29:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋