Dads in the army, with an 8 mo. old baby?

Question

ok scenerio:
husband and wife married for about 7 mo. gets preg.
couple goes back home to visit family on leave.
everything is fine until time to go back to duty station.
husband HAS to report back at a certain time. Depature time comes and wife is nowhere to be found. Finds a letter that shes leaving him! He is active duty so what does he do? His only options are either to take the baby back with him or leave him with a relative temporary until the divorce is final. Wife has no concern to uphold custody for the child.


Question: What happens with husbands military career?
does he get discharged? he'd be a single parent and unwilling to go for day care as he works long days and early morning. realistic answers only please. this man really needs to know what the outcome is. he really wants to be able to raise his baby. where he is stationed he has no family close, closest family is 29 hours away...

Dan def. gets the best answer after the so many hours are up.. that was very clear and what i needed!! thank you

Answer 1

Well first, the soldier would need to contact his chain of command and explain the situation. They might be able to grant a leave extension until the situation gets more stable...

Second, if the soldier wants to get custody of the child, then that soldier needs to come up with a Family Care Plan (FCP). A FCP is anyone who you would be willing to watch the child in case you were to deploy for a long time (i.e. 1 year in Iraq). So the soldier would need to find someone they would be willing to appoint as a legal guardian....

If they cant find anyone willing to watch the child, then yes, the soldier is discharged from the military... Its an honorable discharge. You would have to wait 2 years before re-enlisting if you were to get out, then find an FCP..

Third, they have daycare centers on post. They also have people that work through family services that do home daycare.. Odd hours, weekends, things like that.... He needs to go to Family Services, and get the paperwork started....

But the first thing he needs to do is talk to his Chain of Command to find out his options... Im almost positive those are the only options, but you never know....

Answer 2

Good scenario but that has actually happened in real life in the military.
Well for one thing even if his wife has left him and there child he still has to report back to his duty station or he will be (AWOL) there is no getting around that he would have to leave his child with a relative until he gets to his command and explains what has happened to his commanding officer and going back there is no option with taking his infant child with him back to his duty station where would he leave the baby during the day so that would not make any sense what so ever to do that leave the baby with a relative like his mother he knows has both their best interest at heart and if his family is 29 hours away as you say than that is totally different and I know from serving there are nurseries on every base in the military to watch children while parents are on duty during the day but u-r- talking like a very infant baby that is totally different.
As for his military career well if he is and officer he can resign his commission and if he is and enlisted I know there use to be when I served during the 70's & 80's what they called a hardship discharge because u think about it what if he gets deployed to Iraq,he can't take his child with him and if he cannot make arrangements with his family to take care of his child while he is deployed that does not leave to many options open to him now does it I know he want to make the military his career but his priority would be his child at this point and not his career or best interest the child takes priority first and foremost.
As for the soon to be ex-wife well I would make sure I had total custody of the child she has proven what type of a person she is so I would make sure all of this was court documented so she could not come back and challenge anything years down the road like some women and men like to do.
So he would have some very serious decisions to make involving his career and child but I am sorry but his child would have to take priroity over all because that child did not ask to come into the world so why should he/she have to sufferor pay the price for it right!!

Answer 3

Dan is right. Before doing anything, contact chain of command. That is the most important thing. They will be able to advise him on what to do.

Hopefully a family member or close friend will take the child and he can go back to base and set up daycare and get the ball rolling on what he needs to do, then bring his child home.

If he wants to stay in the Army, he will need to ask a family member or close friend to take the child in case he deploys.

The situation looks hard now, but once the initial shock wears off and he starts to get things settled, it will get easier. There are alot of single moms in the military that do it, why can't a dad do the same thing.

Let him know not to do anything rash. Go back, talk to command, come up with a game plan. After all his options are put before him, take a few days to think about each one and go with the one he feels is best.

Good luck to him and his child. Listen to his heart and he won't go wrong.

Answer 4

If he is unwilling to use Day care, then he must get out. Plenty of Single parents in the military, but they MUST have a rock solid Family Care Plan, to include emergency, long term, short term and standard child care provisions.

Single Parents get priority in the base Day care centers. He would also need to designate someone on base who could get the kid in an emergency( the child is sick, or he ends up working late) as well as someone who could take full responsibility of the child long term for deployments and training.

If He is unwilling or unable to find these Family Care Providers, he will be discharged.

Answer 5

He actually has several options. Hardship discharge. That will let him leave the military with no penalty. He can stay in, he just needs a family care plan in place telling who will have custody of child if he gets deployed. Or, he can leave the baby with his family till he ETS's.

I actually know men who each did one of these options. But only the dad can decide what is best for him and the baby.

Answer 6

He needs to talk to his command. They will give him special leave to arrange for care of the baby, and he can go to base legal for the custody arrangements. He will not be let out of the service, but they will help him as long as he informs them and gets permission prior to missing his deadline.

The Army, and the other services want what's best for the military,and that includes helping service members in times of trouble.

Jim