Here's my problem
I am in love with my best friend, i have talked to her about it and she doesn't want a romantic relationship. The problem is I feel a really strong connection and i am completely overtaken in love, I want to spend my life with her. Knowing she has said she just wants to be friends is something I'm struggling to accept. Should i walk away before i make her life more difficult or is their a way to get this to the next level?
Now theres a few things to note here
1) I have had no previous relationship experience, and many crushes which led nowhere, so im not very experienced or skilled and have a low confidence as a result
2) She is struggling in with her current situation and doesn't need extra stress. This i can accept as a reason if i just know that she would be with me otherwise
3) We are really close friends, I am a godfather to her daughter and know her family well, aswell as her doctors, daycare, etc... Its really hard to accept she loves me as a friend only
2007-08-30 02:31:46 · 13 answers · asked by steaphan101 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If she said that she's not interested in a romantic relationship, that's exactly what she means. Whatever her reasons, a bad past relationship, outside stresses, or she's just not ready, or as sad as it is to have to hear and to say, she might just not be that in to you. I'm sure that she cares very deeply for you, but that love for you is currently in the friendship, or even family, category.
I was friends with a guy for years that wanted more from me than just being my closest friend. When I finally relented after 4 years of friendship and agreed for us to date...it changed the dynamics of the relationship completely. After attempting to have "something more" twice, a year apart, we nearly lost our friendship. It's now fully repaired, he's married, I'm married, and we're friends with each other's spouses. We have dinner parties and do things together almost every weekend.
My point is, if it's not what she wants, you can wait patiently in the wings for it to change, you can forget your romantic intentions altogether and concentrate on your friendship, or you can walk away from the friendship completely, which I'm sure will hurt not just you and her, but her daughter as well. If you force the relationship issue, you run the risk of losing her forever. Besides, do you really want to be in a romantic relationship where someone doesn't want you completely? Go find someone who is open and ready to have the kind of relationship you're looking for. Relationships are two-sided....the desire to be together should be mutual.
Wishing you the best and strength to get through this......
2007-08-30 02:44:28 · answer #1 · answered by Bridey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait a while. Yes that's frustrating. But there are a lot of things going on in her life right now so be patient.
1. You've let her know how you feel. She responded pretty honestly. Be grateful that you have her friendship - right now.
2. Be there for her. Not just as a surrogate dad to her daughter (which is nice on your part) - but as her dear friend and one who LISTENS.
3. Don't push her - you'll push her away.
The clincher will be when she's less stressed in her life and is looking at starting relationships with other men. This will be tough - but you'll have to screw up the courage to risk it all. Say, "Babe, I've been here for you through this whole thing. OK I'm a quiet guy - and I'm no fashion plate either. BUT I'm rock steady, have a decent job and good education (list your qualities). Besides, I love you beyond everything, adore your daughter as though she were my own and am the only guy who has treated you like a queen. Why are you even thinking about wasting your time with all these morons who do nothing but kick you in the face - and what is it going to take for you to open your eyes and see me for the man who loves you?"
Yep. You'll be risking losing her not only as a life-mate but as a friend - but I'll bet $$ that's the way it's been throughout your friendship with this woman.
AND - for you personally - It wouldn't hurt for you to expand your horizons and go out with other women and make yourself a little less "available" for her to fall back on. That might make her think twice about you - that you're really an independent man and not a lap dog that follows her around. She might just start to realize what a treasure you are.
2007-08-30 02:45:55 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont walk away Steaphen, I know it will really hurt alot if she finds someone else but if you really value your friendship stick by her side. If she is giving mixed signals it would be different, but she is being honest with you and if nothing else you have to respect that. Maybe you two spend too much time together and spending a little time apart will allow you to find someone. Dont let low self confidence force you to settle with what you are comfortable with.
2007-08-30 02:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by hyiik 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i really think you should move on. I know its hard but it seems like you will never get over her its not fair to you or her. Since you are her childs godfather you shouldnt really detach your self completly but really focus on yourself and become less avalible to her every need you dont want to be taking advantage of either. But it does seem like she loves you as a friend so just accept that and move on. There is someone out there for you its just not her.
2007-08-30 02:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by amanda p 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her the way you sense.. in case you're already a sturdy buddy , dont attempt to sqeeze right into a lover prestige along with her bc youll probably extraordinary her out. you may pick to be ahead and honest and spot what she thinks.. the two she would be able to declare ok or no way ! then a minimum of you will understand for optimistic and wont be dropping it slow if she isnt into you in any way like that.
2016-10-03 10:03:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg....im goin thru the same problem(im in teh girls place).Sometimes girls are jsut really confused....especially if her life has problems now..i dont think its the best time for you to make a move or she might make some hasty descions which both of you will regeret later just because she is strest.I suggest you be supportive right now...nd show her how special she is for you..dnt jsut tell her...wait for a while,im sure youl bond and connect during this time nd will becoem more confident...best of luck :)
2007-08-30 02:37:58 · answer #6 · answered by Crazi little gal. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she'll come to a reality check and gradually she realize what you've done for her is not for help sake but becuz of lasting love, give her Sm time to recover from her injures of stress but alwyz b there even if she try avoiding you stick with her no matter what, don't give up to soon: that's testing your faith, hold on still she would eventually give you a try, hard work and determination makes you achieve success in life and she won't regret it! then eventually let nature takes it course and do it's job!! good luck Mr success!!!!!
2007-08-30 02:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by mexcisha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to stop being her friend. Tell her you are only interested in her as a possible girlfriend and then stop seeing her.
That said, she sure has alot of baggage dude. You should find someone who you can go have some fun with.
2007-08-30 02:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by ninebadthings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't want to be your girlfriend you have to accept it. You can't just convince her to be your girlfriend. Being best friends are very good to. Why not just stay that way, It's better like that then not being friends at all.
2007-08-30 02:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to get out and find someone else... at least for the meantime... let her see how much fun you are having with someone else... then just maybe she will change her mind... if you keep suggesting it to her, she will think of you as weak.... you have to show her you have you own life, and one day make her a part of it....
2007-08-30 02:37:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋