we've been living together for a long time, and certain selected members of both families are very unsupportive.. should we just secretly elope and never tell anyone??
and if we did, could we get a new marriage license later (if we ever did decide to have a wedding??) thanx!
2007-08-29 23:06:25 · 15 answers · asked by what's it gonna be?? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Whether or not you decide to elope should depend on how you feel about each other and about big or small weddings. I really can't advise you except to say that your wedding is your wedding. If you choose to elope, then that is your wedding. That is the time when the legalities are observed and that's that. If you want a second set of paperwork, you'd have to get divorced first, and that would be silly.
If you want a bigger wedding, then plan a bigger wedding. If you want to marry quietly, marry quietly.
But if you never tell anyone, and then try to hold a 'real' wedding later on complete with the paperwork and all, you could get into some bizarre bureaucratic tangles and trust me, it will come out at some point that you're married already, at which point all Hades will break loose.
Get married when you're ready to stand up and tell the truth about it, whether you decide to do it quietly or with a bang. Honesty is always the best policy. Also, you can't have most things in life both ways. It's time to make a grown-up decision: marry quietly without hiding it, marry loudly no matter how unsupportive 'certain selected members of both families' are, or continue on as you are without marriage.
It's up to you, but whatever you do, be honest with yourselves and with your families about it.
After all, you've braved their displeasure by moving in together, so why be ashamed or afraid to simply say 'we're getting married?'
2007-08-30 04:07:05 · answer #1 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF you and your SO want to elope, then go for it. Eventually someone WILL find out though, so perhaps just send out announcement cards after the fact.
Or have a small ceremony with JUST the supportive family and friends. Invite everyone you want to show over for a little get together. After a little bit of relaxation, bring forth your surprise... an officiant there to marry both of you in front of your friends and family!
As for the marriage license, you cannot get two marriage licenses without having a divorce, so the first time you get married that license is valid until death or divorce.
If you DO end up in the future wanting a ceremony, it would be a Vow Renewal Ceremony, and if you do that you should indicate so on any invitations you may send out.
2007-08-30 03:55:46 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to elope, go for it. But, at some point you are going to have to tell people so like others have said, it's not an escape. Plus, it could make it worse later if you don't tell anyone you're eloping.
You can't get a new marriage license later. You can only get a marriage license when you're not married. However, you could do a vow renewal, but to many people trying to pull this off as your real wedding will be quite offensive. (Not to everyone, but to some.)
If people aren't supportive, then either don't invite them to your wedding or be the bigger person and invite them anyway and just don't be upset if they don't want to go. Or, go ahead and elope but make sure you send out "just married" cards to everyone so they know. It'll be harder down the road if you hide it!
2007-08-30 00:28:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If only certain members are unsupportive then have a proper marriage and invite the ones who are supportive!
Eloping seems very romantic but at some point you have to tell people so it's not really an escape, and also if there are members of your family who are supportive it would be most useful to you to have that support (marriages can be difficult at times!), and also a bit mean of you not to let them share your joy just because there are others who are not so happy for you.
2007-08-29 23:15:35 · answer #4 · answered by Paul M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are mature enough to marry, you are mature enough to be open and upfront about the union. you can elope to avoid their drama, but to keep the marriage a secret seems immature. be bold and open about your love. the fact that you two are even modifying your plans to please, suit, or sneak around others is also a sign that you might not be mature enough to marry.
consider pre-marital counseling so that you will both have strategies for dealing with your unsupportive families. it will cause a lot less stress during your marriage. also, couples who live together before have a much higher divorce rate than those who don't. if you want your already unsupported relationship to have a solid foundation, give counseling some honest consideration. it can't hurt, it can only strengthen your marriage. a pastor, chaplain, or therapist at a college campus will do this for free.
if you marry in vegas or in a courthouse or whatever, you are legally married, so any future ceremonies won't involve a new license. it would basically just be for show.
http://www.ewtn.com/library/ISSUES/zcohabit.HTM
http://members.aol.com/cohabiting/facts.htm
2007-08-30 02:15:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that there is a lot of drama involved with your wedding. The pros of eloping include not having to deal with your fiance's obnoxious sisters, and the cost of getting married will be less. The cons include not having a dream wedding at which you will surrounded by your family and close friends. Some people live to regret this. Only you and your fiance can decide what is best for you. Do not be rash. Sit and talk with your fiance and try to come to a decision together. Best regards!
2016-04-02 07:04:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After I planned my wedding for 6 months and no one supported us I decided that it would be best to elope. My hubby did not agree. We ended up having a real wedding (although it was nothing like my dream wedding) and all the people in the wedding, we are no longer friends with. Personally, I wish we would have gotten certain people together and gone to Reno or something!
You could always plan your wedding for somewhere far away, like Hawaii or something... that way the majority of people won't be able to make it! My aunt and uncle did that... LOL!
2007-08-30 03:58:53 · answer #7 · answered by TwinMommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are doing this to try to hide then you do not need to get married, that is something that you should be so proud of and you don't care who knows!! I say still have your wedding and just invite your supporters your family and friends... You may regret it if you just elope
2007-08-30 01:39:35 · answer #8 · answered by spagirl23188 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can elope and you should tell people, if they don't like it to damn bad it is your life. Since you will already be married you do not need another marriage license it would be more like a renewal of your vows. I had a fake minister for my second wedding.
2007-08-30 01:20:35 · answer #9 · answered by EmmaNicole 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As long as the two of you are adults (older then 21), I think eloping is fine...but you might want to tell your families just so they won't be shocked. It's best not to burn bridges.
2007-08-30 01:18:23 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋