For stay at home moms, what do your husbands do when they come home from work?

Question

I'm just wondering for those moms who stay at home with their kids, when your husbands/boyfriends come home from work, do they help out with the kids at all?? I know my husband works extremely hard to provide for his family, but should he not have to do anything at all when he comes home from work? Sometimes I'll ask him to give our daughter a bath and he says its my job to do that b/c he has worked all day. I don't make him do anything around the house except clean the shower b/c he is a mechanic and the shower can get really dirty due to his work so that is the only thing I ask of him. I'm just wondering if it is fair that just b/c he works outside the home, he shouldn't help out with the kids as far as bathing them, brushing teeth, putting them too bed, etc.

Answer 1

No, of course it isn't fair. You are even validating his thinking by making comments like "he works hard all day". Well, don't you do the same thing? Staying at home with children is a job!

My husband is thoughtful enough to be a huge help in the evenings, despite his working all day every day away from home. He knows that I am working all day, too. But I know that isn't how a lot of men think.

You should remind your man that you have an important job, too. A great way to demonstrate is to make plans with friends or family to be gone all day on a Saturday. Let your husband take care of your kids for the whole day. He'll be a lot less likely to take you for granted after that.

Good luck!

Answer 2

He should most definitely help out with his children. If he's not going to be there to do things with them or to help them out when they need help (like a bath, or homework, or whatever) then why did he have kids? I understand he works hard outside of the house. . . and so does my husband, but for 1 second don't believe that a stay at home moms job is any easier. I know I have my handsfull all day and all night. I'm "on call" as I put it 24/7. Whether is waking up in the middle of the night b/c my sons sick, or giving him a bath, cleaning the house, doing laundry, whatever, I am constantly busy and I feel that although I don't get paid for it (as in money) I probably do more in a week than my husband does at work, and I make nothing doing so except a good feeling that I keep the house running smoothly and that i'm loved and appreciated for what I do. But no its not fair that your husband never helps out. Furthermore those are his children too (im assuming) and he should want to help them whenever he can. Otherwise, why did he have children?

Answer 3

When i had a husband he felt that his 40 hr a week job was more than my 24/7 job as a mother so he would come home and watch tv, drink a beer, go out with his friends. I asked him to watch our son (we only had 1 at the time) for 30 minutes so i could take a shower, i hadn't gotten to take one in 4 days and he refused, said that i would just have to wait until the baby was asleep because he worked hard all day to support us, that he was the money maker. I just rolled my eyes and walked away thinking, how much money we saved because i was home. Daycare alone was $150/week and studies have shown that even insurance companies find that stay at home moms are the most valuable because they work 24/7 barely ever getting a break. I think that no matter which parent works outside the home they should still help out with the kids when they get home. I'm not saying they should have to clean the house and stuff just simply that they should be willing to help out with the kids. They are their kids too.

Answer 4

I always did that sort of thing because I only have one daughter and I really enjoy doing it. My husband NEVER gave my daughter a bath, brushing teeth, etc. However, every once in a while he helped put her to bed. I'm not saying any of this is right; I'm just saying that's what I did. I didn't work, and he did. He worked LONG hours, so by the time he got home, all that stuff was done anyway.

Answer 5

My DH works 2 jobs so I can be a SAHM. He works until 2am most nights, so obviously sleeps when he gets home :) When he is around at home, he is involved with our kids (4 months old and almost 2 years old). He will play with them, helps with bedtime, sometimes stays with our daughter while I run errands (the baby is nursing, so always goes with me for now). He takes care of all the outside work at home. So I try not to bother him to do too much more than that, though I do get him to fix stuff around the house when needed. But taking care of the kids and the house is also a tough job, my husband knows I am working just as hard as him, if not harder (did you know if SAHMs were actually paid to do the work they do for the family, they would be making over $135,000 a year according to salary.com). Also, we both feel that the kids should get to have Daddy time - kids should have the opportunity to bond with both parents, and some working dads miss out on that b/c they see it as only mom's job to be with the kids.

Answer 6

I'm a SAHM, and the moment my husband walks in the door, his eyes light up the second he sees me, and we reconnect! He works really hard at a very physical job, he's an electrician, so he is definitely not 'required' to do household work during the week. However, due to some of my physical problems with hands and knees, he does have to help out occasionally. He'll do big stuff on the weekends, even when he is on call.
As for with kids, he didn't do the 'work' stuff, but rather the DAD stuff - reading to them in bed, and sometimes they fell asleep together, which was cool. Sometimes going shopping, on weekends we did things together as a family, either in the home or out.
You need to appreciate your husband for what he does, and just feel truly fortunate that his hard work allows you to be a SAHM. You need to make your home a welcoming presence for him, in the arms of a loving wife and children.
Time for an attitude adjustment, before you get more resentful.

Answer 7

My husband is a HUGE help. I cannot complain at all. When he gets home, he immediately takes our daughter for some bonding time, and some give mommy a break time. We take turns at night giving her her evening bath and putting her to sleep. I do it more than he does but he does it a few times a week when he's not too tired. I don't ask him to do these things, he does them because he wants to. There is no reason why once in a while your husband can't help you. You have a full time job as well and it doesn't stop just because the clock says 5. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

My husband is the same way. I think he should help out with kids and give me a break for at least 30 minutes. Does he though, NO. I enjoy being a stay at home mom, but I tell him that with his job he at least gets a day off work, if the kids are my job, then I deserve some alone time myself. I can't even get him to get the kids dressed after a bath. I get frustrated and at my whits end sometimes dealing with the kids, especially my son who has the worst temper tantrums I have ever seen. his idea of helping to discipline the kids is by sending them to their room, which I don't think does anything and I end up dealing with everything yet again. I think he does that sometimes because he knows I will handle it in the end. But I defiantly think they should have to help out with the kids.

Answer 9

well I think he should he read a book or play with His daughter.you have worked all day also taking care of his daughter and cleaning the house and cooking and running errands.Your job don't end when he comes home why should his.?My Husband works 3rd shift,I get the kids up and make sure there getting ready for school and get breakfast for them and then I drop them off at school and go to work.My Husband picks them up from school and he comes home and eats a sandwich and take a shower and off to bed where I am left to do everything else after working a full day.

Answer 10

my husband works 14 hours a day, actually 12 but 2 hours of travel there and back. my husband wasnt able to help out much other than on weekends but he just got switched to days which is still some crazy hours 5Am to 7 pm. So when he gets home I have dinner done , while I and one of the kids clean up kitchen, he will play games with the kids talk about their day. He has thursday to cook becasue I bowl on that day. thye are all olded enough to bath themselves, brush teeth he just makes sure they get it done and when they are all in bed he goes in and tucks them in and gives kisses and hugs. They have really missed this when he was on nights 5 pm till 7 am. When he was on that shift all he could do was help with homework before he went to work and put them on bus in the morning.

I think dads need to be involved with some ritual that only they have with the children that way it is something special that dad gets to share with them because they miss out on a lot of special things because they are at work.