How to politely ask relatives not to smoke???

Question

Whenever I am at my fiances house, I am always surrounded by lots and lots of cigarette smoke. His mother smokes, as well as his brother, sister-in-law, and many friends that are over at the house at the same time that we are. I am very sensitive to the smoke, to the point where I can have a bad headache for days after I leave their house. When I am in the setting, I sit off to the side because I can't handle the smoke, and I am called "anti-social" but I tell them I just don't like the smoke, but yet nothing changes.
I am at the point where if they don't take it outside when I am at their house, I will stop going to visit. The smoke makes me feel nauseous, very short of breath, and gives me terrible headaches.
How can I ask them to take the smoking outside without being rude? I feel as if I am telling them to get out of their own house. I respect smokers rights to smoke, but I also feel that I have rights as well, and don't want to be around it all the time.

Answer 1

It would be best if you did not go to his house if , after asking your fiance to explain to them about how it makes you will,they don't stop smoking.

Look at it this way: if they had a dog or a cat, and you were severely allergic to the animal, you couldn't go over there either because it would be a matter of life and breath, could you?

It is not any different than their smoking.

Stand up for your health!

Answer 2

I know this question has already received quite a few answers, but I can't help putting in my own.

You feel like you're telling them to get out of their house? That's because you are. Good catch. It isn't about respecting "smokers' rights", as though they're somehow fundamentally not the same people you are. It's about respecting people's rights, and they have the right to smoke in their own home. They've already been sent outside most of the restaurants and other places they might like to go, and their home is the one place where they do have the control and right to put up a smoking sign.

You've probably insisted that, even though hospitality is your job, they have to go outside regardless of weather if they want to smoke while visiting you. You've enforced your right to choice in your home.

You can ask to open a window. You can try for compromise for your own health reasons. Trying for a window is an excellent one. So are candles, which disipate the smoke and promote air movement. Before you even consider boycotting their place, I should think respect for your fiance's family would lead you to search for alternatives other than their absolute adherence to your wishes.

Answer 3

If you are at your fiance's home, and his family is visiting him it would seem rude of you to ask them to take the smoking outside. However, if your fiance knows that it gives you headaches for days (I get them too around smokers), he should be the one to ask his family to respect his home and please smoke outside. He doesn't have to say that it affects you. He could politely tell family and friends (whether he smokes or not) that he doesn't want his furniture and clothes smelling like cigarette smoke and if they need a smoke to go outside. They should be understanding of that. Or, he could simply tell them the truth; you are not a smoker, you're not anti-social and that you would love to get to know them all better, but the cigarette smoke really makes you sick. If the family can't respect that, then maybe you should just let your guy visit you at your place.

Answer 4

If your reaction to cigarette smoke is so great, and you have informed your fiance's relatives about it but they persist; then your only alternative is to stop visiting. Sorry, but you don't get to tell someone to leave their own house to smoke. If your fiance will not go to bat for you, then you have no other choice. Do they know how badly cigarette smoke affects you, or have you just told them, as you state above, that you "don't like it". There is a world of difference between suffering because of smoke and not liking it. If you made it clear to them how badly it hurts you, it might change things.

Answer 5

You are telling them to get out of their own house and it won't fly. Smoking has been banned in so many public places this has become a very sensitive issue. While I understand your discomfort, I will damn well smoke in my house if I want to. I worked to pay for it and no is going to tell me I can't. Try to sit by an open window or stop going to visit. If she has a exhaust fan by her stove ask if you can turn it on.

Answer 6

This is a real tough question. Since it seems that most of his family smokes, it would be rude to ask them to go outside of their own home to smoke. At family gatherings, smokers want to be comfortable, in a cool indoor setting, and they are not likely to understand how it affects you. It seems to me you have 2 choices, you can choose not to go, or you can go outside for the most part. I don't know where you live, but I live in FL and I sure wouldn't want to be outside for any length of time in 90 something degree weather. I think the best thing for you to do is to just not visit, and let your fiancee explain why. When they are at your place, you can make the rules, but when visiting, you have to accept his family's habits.

Answer 7

politely tell your future mother-in law that you do not want to stop going over but that your health suffers greatly when you r around a lot of smoke. maybe u could help her arrange an area outside her home where everyone could get together and visit.that way u could sit in a spot where u are not in the path of the smoke. gotta love the wind.
good luck . this helped me.

Answer 8

I would definitely stop visiting at their house unless it was an outdoor situation. If they ask you to come over, suggest another place to meet. You really don't have the right to tell them what do in their house, and they will resent you for asking. They will probably make that choice on their own once they realize it really does bother you... they likely think its just an excuse now. Good luck.

Answer 9

It is their house! You can't "ask" them to smoke outside! You could try saying that the smoke really makes you feel head-achy and dizzy and ill and say that you would be very grateful if they would be kind enough to either not smoke or go outside ,also saying that you realize it is allot to ask and that you will understand if they decline. That's the best I can think of!

Answer 10

Well seeing that second hand smoke is not good for you in the first place especially since you are not a smoker- you may have to do few and shorter visits. I mean if you were asthmatic you would not have a choice but to stay away. It their house but its also your body, compromise-meet in the middle.