The Ideal Muslim Husband?

Question

Since much is said about women in Islam, what about the men? It's time to take a look at what they should be doing in order to have ANYTHING over any woman. Before they can expect their wives to respect them, they must show that they are deserving of respect. What do you think of this?

"Much ink has been spilled, and much breath, in defining the role of Muslim women; the rights of Muslim women; the duties of Muslim women, what constitutes an ideal Muslim wife. Maybe because there has so much misunderstanding of the role of women, we seem to give it special emphasis in lectures and books. However since men and women are interdependent, it is not wise to concentrate on one and remain silent about the other.

The last time I was invited to speak about "The ideal Muslim Wife", I made a promise that my next assignment would be to prepare a lecture on " The ideal Muslim Husband".

Many men seem to feel that women, and their wives in particular, should be ideal Muslims, while they themselves and their fellow men behave as they like without reference to the Qur’an and Sunnah, and unchallenged by the Shari’ah.

This paper is therefore intended to redress the balance; to turn the spotlight on to the men, so that they might be aware of the Islamic standard for an ideal husband, as they try to reach that standard as much as they wish their wives to reach the standard of an ideal Muslim wife."

http://www.missionislam.com/family/husband.htm

Answer 1

This is a great article and beautiful reminder, masha'Allah.

Here is another gentle reminder for our fellow brothers in Islam...

Family Etiquettes: Guidelines for the Husband in Interacting with his Wife

AUTHOR: Dr. Marwwan Al-Qaisee
SOURCE: Al-Asaalah Magazine
PRODUCED BY: Al-Ibaanah.com

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations.

Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.

Etiquettes of the husband:

1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.

2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.

3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.

4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.

6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.

7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.

9. And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.

10. Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.

11. Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.

12. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

13. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).

14. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.

15. The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.

16. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

17. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.

18. Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

19. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

20. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

21. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

22. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

23. Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).

24. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.

25. Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.

26. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.

27. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

28. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.

29. There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses.

This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if Allaah wills.

Answer 2

Ideal Muslim Wife

Answer 3

I think you are quite right in this aspect. Some times we are so focused on the duties of the women we forget the men. An ideal man should be God fearing. This should not just be shown in his Prayers but also in his actions. This will cause him to overlook mistakes and misunderstanding. He should be compassionate towards his wife. Understanding her needs. He should appreciate her. Spend time with her. Complement her. He should also help around in the household duties. The best example is given by the Prophet PBUH. And that's what Muslim husbands should aspire to be.

As for the people who keep bringing up facts from MUSLIM sources about Hazrat Ayesha Peace be upon her being 9 or other such things and claim this to be something very very wrong. I also encourage you to read the same MUSLIM sources and see what Hazrat Ayesha said about the Prophet PBUH. What his friends and enemies said about his character. It might help you in better understanding.

Answer 4

I have always thought men should earn respect instead of demanding it. I am no feminist either, but thanks for shining light on this matter. The ideal muslim husband would be one that follows the ideal religion, Islam. And I dont mean following some aspects and ignoring others, I mean the whole package. A lot of muslim men tend to do that, chose what Islamic teachings to follow and ignore others. And on the other hand expect us to be perfect from every aspect. Marriage is a deal, give and take. We must identify and perform our duties before demanding anything.
I would like my husband to be a "real" muslim, and not one that just claims to be muslim. If he follows his religion completely and faithfully then all good characteristics will flow in naturally.
Afterall Islam teaches us to put religion first, cherish family bonds, care for one another, love unconditionally, be faithful to your partner,control our anger, thank Allah for our blessings, be modest, generous, trustworthy, forgiving, etc... What more could a woman ask for?? And they say women are oppressed in Islam!

Answer 5

1) Performs his religious duties ( prayers, fasting etc).
2) Provides financial and emotional support.
3) Helps in the house work and keeps his things tidy
4) Has a sense of humour and jokes
5) Takes you out on family outings, traveling etc.
6) Is wise with words
7) Does not lose temper
Can't think of anything else except my personal preference, like I love smartness, drive (not lazy).
EDIT: I remembered one more. I know of a woman who separated from her husband because she could not take that he would never make conversation. So I would say the ability to make conversation is important, or life will be dull.

Answer 6

As salaamu 'alaikym warahmatullahi wabaraktu, my sister and my friend.

Insha'Allah, a Muslim husband must try his best at all times and in all ways to imitate the example of the Last Prophet, Muhammad (peace be upon him, his family and his followers) in how he loved, lived with and treated his wives, just as each Muslim man should strive to imitate the example of the Messenger of Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala in all ways.

Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala, has blessed us with two great blessing, the revelation of the Holy Qur'an and the example and teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him, his family and his followers).
Let respect and be appreciative of both in thankfulness as we follow both so that when we pass from this life we are truly in a state of Islam, fully submitting to the Will of Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala.

Ma'a salaam.

(Jazak'Allah! Thank you for the website and the article!)

Answer 7

A man raised on the Quran and The Sunna...

1- A man who is religious:

"And enjoin upon thy people worship, and be constant therein. " 20: 132

2- A Man who's kind:

"It was by the mercy of Allah that thou wast lenient with them (O Muhammad), for if thou hadst been stern and fierce of heart they would have dispersed from round about thee." 3: 159

3- Truthful and loyal:

"Obedience and a civil word. Then, when the matter is determined, if they are loyal to Allah it will be well for them. " 47: 21

4- Merciful and forgiving:

"Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. And those with him are hard against the disbelievers and merciful among themselves." 48: 29

5- Fair, Just, Clean, Fit, helpful...

We must look at the biography of Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم and see how he used to treat his wives.

Answer 8

....must follow the foot steps of Greatest of Great Persons...
Prophet Mohammad (saw)...whose life as a husband is an open book to learn for all.


This is for..
Dr.Sarcasm..
..so you like the stick.!

And Julia....
You jealous...?

Answer 9

No one should be 'over' another person. That's the problem with religion. No equality.

Answer 10

To be an Ideal Muslim husband you should accept that she has equal rights as the Husband . If you do then,
" Your wife should rightfully be allowed to have Four Husbands" even a toy boy of 9 if she chooses to.
Muslim Husbands should also avoid temptations & should also wear The Burka when they go out.
That is fair isn't it? Other than that it would be fine.