ok this question will probably be removed but why?????

Question

how can someone whom i was with for 5 years, and to whom i was engaged be with someone else not even a week after we first tentatively discussed splitting up?? i went away for 2 weeks and he was with her when i got back! I hadn't had chance to move out of our shared bed let alone our shared house..now I see all our mutual friends are friends with her, seen happy pictures of them on myspace etc all having a good time not one one them is answering my calls or reponding to messages...how can this happen? how is someone supposed to deal with this? I feel so hurt and betrayed..

Answer 1

my situation is similar, just not quite as bad....
i was with my bf for 3 yrs in a long distance realtionship and i put up with his hurting me emotionally, physically, mentally, cheating, his addictions, control, stubbornness. and I STILL love him. i can't snap my fingers like he did and its over...
the last day we saw each other he made love to me, told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. that was a sunday, everythings fine that week and then the weekend comes, we get into a fight, don't talk all weekend and monday he tells me he doesn't love me, hasn't in a while, that he basically used me and the sex was a plus. that the weekend he did absoultly nothing, didn't call or see me and loved it. i thought we were so happy and he just used me. its day 10 of our breakup and im absoultly miserable and he could probably care less, but someday hopefully he will realize just what he had and how he lost it.
the point is, your ex is enjoying himself now, yeah. hes probably upset, but hes not gonna show it to you, her, your friends. hes gonna bottle it up inside. and hes obviously enjoying this girl a lot. and if it works out, he will most likely be miserable because he knows he lost you forever and is stuck with her, and if it doens't work, hes still gonna be miserable because he dumped you for some girl and that didn't even work. i don't care how he says he feels, sooner or later he'll be kicking himself in the *** for everything hes done. And whatever you do, DON'T call him, DON'T see him, write him, stay away from him...in the next few weeks, hes gonna wonder, why isn't she miserable? why hasn't she called and begged me back? what is she doing? where is she? is she happy? and its gonn drive him crazy. thats what i've been told about my situation. a few days ago, i called my ex, started crying and he enjoyed it. it boosted his ego and he loved it that i was chasing him, calling him wanting him back.....if you don't do that, hes gonna wonder why. get your stuff, and don't look back. and your probably wondering as i am why he hasn't realized how much hes messed up, he will. and when he does it might be too late, but you know what? by then you'll be happy enjoying your freedom. you won't have to answer to anyone, be tied down and you'll love it. now, it seems like theres no hope, but there is. i've been listening to lots of music, and its helped a lot. and when he does realize how much hes messed up, enjoy it, laugh at it, and even though you still love him, dump him like he just dumped you. ppl tend to remember the good, remember the bad. wake up each day thinking what an a**hole he was to you, you deserve better. let him crawl back with his tail between his legs and like i said, laugh. tell him he messed up the best thing that ever happened to him and its just too bad.....and remember, don't call, write, email. nothing. make him wonder why your not pining over him....and slowly move on. and the friends that are friends with her, that aren't answering your messages, forget them. they messed up too and aren't really your friends if they're treating you like this. forget them, don't message them either, their loss. not yours. and if you do, and they know your miserable, he'll like it all the more. cry it all out and don't focus on the 5 yrs you wasted, but the lifetime you could have had being miserable. think about it. oh and theres a thing called karma, this will come back and bite him in the a**.

Answer 2

Ouch!

1. 5 long years of relationship.
2. Some discussion and had a talk about splitting.
3. Away for 2 weeks.
4. Your 'someone' found a new female partner.
5. The new woman - she won all your friends from you.
6. She managed to prove mutual happiness by pictures (myspace).
7. People are not responding you.

After reading your question I have 2 things to ask.

1. Is she a witch? (How can she win your 'someone' and all your friends within 2 weeks?)
2. How was your relation with your 'someone' and with your mutual friends?

If she is not a witch; in that case, she knows how to win people.
It looks like... your relationship with your mutuals were sour, right?

Was mistakes were from your side?

Good-polite-Talking is the best deal which you should do in your future.

Hurt and betrayed....?! Do not panic! Time will heal, flow with the tides and do not fight.

Bye!

Answer 3

I have been right where you are now, just 4 month ago. This is where you get some family gathered around you and you keep what friends you still have very close. I was with Alex for 6 years, I was pregnant (not that he knew), and we were getting married in July.He met a girl at work and with in a months time up and left me. I don't know why they do it! He blames me, saying that I was a bad girlfriend. They will have shed their guilt long before the break up. All our friends picked sides. Ones I though I knew would rather spend time with him then me and it hurts when they don't call you back and when they avoid you in the store but thats their poor judgment. It's just they way people are. Make new friends, your life is your own now and you have many open doors. Don't be afraid to take a new direction. I know it's still fresh but the pain dulls after a few months I feel stronger and happier now then I ever did with him. Call your mom if your close with here. My mom saved my life on this one. Whenever you can't take the absence of that person, call someone, go for a walk or turn on the t.v. Don't let this rule you.

Answer 4

I went through the same exact thing. Not engaged or anything but we were "supposed to be" blah, blah, blah. It was probably one of the toughest things i've ever went through... not the break up, not losing her to someone else it was the betrayal like you said. As if i didn't even mean enough for her to explain what was going on to me. Kinda killed my self worth for a while. I took the long road to recovery started drinking and avoiding all human contact... don't do that! Only made it worse. Go out... met someone new and you'll soon be over it. From personal experience i can say just about every thought in my head revolved around her... however when i was with another women i was interested in i would go all night and realize i hadn't even thought about her. I know it sucks but it's a sad reality that some people are heartless!

Answer 5

You feel hurt and betrayed because you HAVE been hurt and betrayed. Forget his horrendously bad behavior for the moment and concentrate on doing the things you need to do to get your stuff together.
First thing to do: find a place to stay temporarily, assuming you're in his place.
Second: make a note to get better friends, or at least grown up ones. Adults do not post photos of themselves with "the new woman". That's just trashy.
Stay off myspace and don't send messages. Talk to people you can actually trust.
Many people face the abrupt loss of a partner sometime in their lives. Healing takes time. I hate to say that but it's true.

Answer 6

Girl

I am going through the same kind of thing right now. Your will be hurt for quite a long time but you need to look at your life and obviously this guy who could do that after a long relationship has issues of his own. He really should had waited until one of you were completely moved out. The best thing for you to do is keep yourself busy. I know you probably dont feel like dating someone else but just have fun and meet people, hang out with your friends and just enjoy your life and try your hardest which i know will be extremely hard to move on. You dont have to stop loving in but accept the fact he has moved on and you deserve better someone who would respect your feelings.

Answer 7

God that's awful. I take it he must have been seeing her while he was still with you? They aren't REAL friends if they've been photographed with him and this new girl. Don't call them again - it just goes to show that they know they're in the wrong if they won't answer your calls.

Try and see this as the end of a chapter in your life and move on totally from this. Time is a great healer (honestly) so just give yourself some time. In the meanwhile, get out and start a new hobby and concentrate on YOU for a while, anything to take your mind off this rat, both him and his stupid friends. Good luck to you - you deserve better than him. X

Answer 8

Just end the engagement and find someone else. This situation is one of the few circumstances, under which that is ok to do. You should feel hurt and betrayed, because he betrayed you. But at least he did it, instead of you doing it. Yea, go out the door right now, if you want to, flirt around. Open your mind to finding someone new and dating, again.
I presume you didn't betray him, but someone else who answered said, you did. I hope that's not true. Anyway, go out for dinner, even if alone. Maybe someone will be attracted to you at the resturant.

Answer 9

This has been going on for a while, and you did not see it taking place while you and him were still together. What went on between the two of you or what he has told your mutual friends has the majority of the impact on them not returning your messages and calls. Go to their house one day and talk to them to see what the problem is. They should not chose sides unless it affects them directly, but most people are too childish to be able to handle a situation like this and stay neutral in it all.

Answer 10

Sounds like he took the breakup more serious than you did. When you break up, you are supposed to move on. You should have gotten all your things when you left. Were you hoping the two of you were going to get back together? Now it is time for you to pack up and start your new life the same as he did. You can do it. Get yourself together. Good Luck.