Okay i'm getting married in a location in Texas that is 3 hours away. My family gets all pissed off becuz it's "too far" but my fiance's family is California and well 3 hours closer. My family actually wants to change the wedding location to my home town becuz it's cheaper on them, they don't have to rent hotels. But what about his family? I don't know what to do....I don't want to disappoint anyone with the decision I make..HELP!!!
2007-08-29 12:15:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
its your wedding. and depending on the location, if you feel its worth it and you cant get it any better where its closer, take the three hour trip.
a wedding day is just ONE day in your life where its more about you. im sure your family will survive a three hour trip because its worth it.
2007-08-29 12:22:35 · answer #1 · answered by 89 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In planning a wedding - particularly one where there are long distances involved for many of the parties - you can't please everyone.
What's often done in these situations is to pick the home turf of either the bride's family, the groom's family, or the happy couple themselves if that's a third location. The idea is to work things so at least one set of people doesn't have to move too far.
On the other hand, that's not written in stone, either. Trying to keep the distances fairly similar for each side is also a valid approach.
Have you booked the site? If so, then people can be as upset as they like and you can calmly tell them that you've booked and you'll lose your deposit if you change your plans now. If you haven't booked, you may agree to look at one or two of the places that would make your family happier, but the ultimate decision should be with the bride and groom unless they are asking parents to pay for something they can't afford.
In the end, someone won't be happy with something about your wedding. My advice is to listen with open ears to all advice offered, consult with experts where possible or confused, and then choose the path that works for you and your fiance. Even if you don't follow your parents' advice, things will go easier if they feel heard than if you refuse to listen at all.
And who knows? Listening may clue you in to something good you didn't know about. Just don't lose track of you and your guy along the way. Pick your battles carefully, but don't be afraid to stand your ground.
It's a delicate balance, but worth attempting to maintain.
2007-08-29 19:29:11 · answer #2 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married three hours away from where you live because it's three hours closer to California. The drive from CA is already super long - 3 hours more really isn't going to make a huge difference.
If you get married so far from home then everyone is going to have to stay in hotels. But, if you get married on your hometown then some of your fiance's family could stay with your family at their homes. Your fiance's family is going to have to rent hotel rooms anyway - they might as well be in your hometown! Don't you think they'd like to see where you grew up?
Also, planning a wedding in a town different than the one you live in is a huge hassle. I did it for mine (2 hours away in our old home town where our families both live) and all the driving back and forth for the planning really added to the stress of the whole thing.
Just plan the wedding in your hometown - as long as your fiance agrees. Then try to do what you can to accomodate his family when they come to town.
Congrats and Good Luck!
2007-08-29 19:27:36 · answer #3 · answered by Mirage 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you ever heard the expression that if you try to please everyone, you'll wind up pleasing NO ONE? If not, you need to. You're not going to please everyone on this, there's no way around it...SOMEONE is going to be upset over the plans you make for your wedding. Have the wedding where YOU want it, if friends and family want to be there badly enough, they will do whatever is necessary to be there, including driving for 3 hours.
Having said that, do you live in this town that's 3 hours away? It is going to be more complicated planning a wedding that's that distance away--you might as well have a real, live destination wedding, and really get some value for having to deal with the hassles of dealing with vendors that aren't local to you. But you need to do what's best for you and your fiance here, and that's it. If you 2 are happy with the decision, that's all that matters. You are under zero obligation to please your mother, his mother, your aunt Mary, Grandma Jo, etc., etc., etc. good luck!
2007-08-29 20:20:37 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say keep it. It has already been planned and you want to have it there. They shouldnt care about the distance. Its your wedding day one of the most important days in your life. And they are your family which means you should be so important. Some familys will go around the entire world for the other. I travel 3 hours every weekend it is not that bad.
2007-08-30 17:05:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you just have to be firm. It's your wedding, you can have it wear you like. Tell them not to complain because you don' need it. If they don't like it then tell them don't come and that will shut them up. They should have enough notice so tell them to start saving. It's a once in a lifetime thing so the least they can do is be co-operative and enjoy your special day. If you like the location it is at now, then keep it that way and they can deal with it. You should not have to change your wedding for them just because they don't want to travel. Just tell them nicely but firmly, "sorry I like it where it is and am sticking with it so maybe you should start saving for a hotel". Maybe they will realise it's unfair of them to be demanding this of you. Good luck!
2007-08-30 02:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god! I have the exact same problem!
I live in New Jersey- along with all my friends and family. And my fiance's family all lives in Texas. We are getting married in Texas- three hours away from their hometown too!
His Dad is NOT happy with having to drive that far away.
And it's been really tough. I mean, my whole family and friends have to fly down there, and rent cars, and rent hotel rooms- and they are all fine with it. It's some of my fiance's family that is ticked off with having to drive! Crazy.
So basically, I have had to talk to my fiance, on more then one occasion and tell him that HE has to explain all this to HIS family. I have talked to his sister about it, and she is finally starting to see my point of view. We are not going to change our vision of our dream wedding just because a few members of his family are not happy with the three hour drive.
You have to do what YOU and YOUR FIANCE what. It is YOUR wedding- not theirs. Sooner or later, they will get over it. Continue on with your wedding plans like you and your fiance want. What is easier on your family is not always best for you. And you are an adult. Tell your family what I had to tell some of my family. That this is your wedding, and while you want them there for everything, they have to accept what you want. They will come around. It worked for me.
But like I said. Stick to what you two want.
Good luck and congrats!
2007-08-29 19:49:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mona Lisa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if the location is central to everyone then it's fine. But, I totaly feel your pain, but my family was griping over a 45min drive vs. having the wedding in my tiny hometown. Everyone is going to have to rent hotels or something right, so it's fair...and you should be able to get a discount rate if you reserve a group of rooms for a wedding, so....I think it's fair. Plus, it's your wedding and they all should be HAPPY!!! :)
Good luck!
2007-08-29 19:24:09 · answer #8 · answered by lisamtracy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
remember this is your wedding and your fiance's...
do you what both want and agree on...everyone needs to understand this. One day of everyone's life to drive hours and stay in a hotel shouldn't be a problem b/c this is the most important day of your life! AND REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN
people are going to talk about your wedding regardless of what you do and don't do...this is why it's important that you do everything you've always wanted so that you'll have no regrets!
good luck!!
2007-08-29 19:31:26 · answer #9 · answered by SUNSHINE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you decide, someone somewhere will be disappointed. Do what you and your fiancé feel is the right thing - everyone else just needs to get over it. Be nice, kill them with kindness instead of getting into a fruitless argument or trying to justify or explain yourself. "We chose to get married in X, we'd love to see you there, but we'll totally understand if you can't make it because of the distance." What are they gonna say? "No, you have to do it OUR way?"
2007-08-29 19:54:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if your parents are paying for the wedding then you might have to consider them a little bit, but the bottom line comes down to it being YOUR wedding. have it where you want it, doesnt matter how close or far it is away from anyone its YOUR wedding and the only other person that has any real say in the matter is your hubby.
2007-08-29 19:25:28 · answer #11 · answered by Sarah L. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋