How do you forgive a person.?

Question

I find that in society and in myself that it is very easy to point the finger at a person and punish them for their wrong doings....I am not good at forgiving people nor am I good at letting go of the past. Can you tell me some things I can work on to forgive people that have betrayed me. I would also like to know if you have things that determine whether or not they are meant to be forgiven..... Thanks for your help!

Answer 1

Forgiveness is the only way to win the battle. I know this from very recent and very traumatizing experience. Because you forgive someone, and you must forgive any and everyone with no prejudice, this does not mean that they should continue to be a part of your life or that you should walk back into theirs. It simply means you have wiped the negativity and hatred towards that person off your heart and left more room for the positive. And in my opinion, indifference is the best weapon against those who have wronged you. Not anger, sadness, hurt, or hatred which take up room in your heart and effect YOU negatively as a person and shows that they still effect you and does not allow you to heal. Then the person(s) who hurt you win. If it's a friend who unknowingly hurt you they at least deserve to know it and know that you are trying to forgive them. If it's someone you know did something hurtful to you outta malice, indifference ends that. When you just don't care enough to love or hate them, that's the BEST way to handle people like that. All you can do is pity them for whatever bad is happening inside of them to provoke such behavior, and skip along your own merry way. I mean fully realize your hurt or pain if you feel it in the moment of discovery, but then move on to the next step. Do not give anyone that much power in your life! The past is just that. You went through it, hopefully you learned something from it, so keep moving forward! We've all made stupid mistakes in our pasts, right? What if we were still reaping the consequences of them til now? Every single one of them? That wouldn't be fair, so we can't do that to others. There are people I have had to remove from my life because of the toxicity of their presense in my life who began as amazing friends. Then there are people who in the time I have known them went through growths and maturing that allows me to be friends with them when once I couldn't stand them. The past is just that. Don't give yourself the pressure of playing judge and jury to every bad person or thing that has ever happened to you. You'll just end up bitter, stressed out, and no fun to be around. The best revenge is success, be it in your career, or your personal life. Happy people are the strongest people in the world if you really look at 'em...

Hope this helps...

Answer 2

When you harbor bitterness in your heart, sweetie, it is only harming you (not the other person). It will eat you up. I think holding on to past "stuff" is our way of controling the situation but is not a good idea. I don't know if you believe in God or not but I will tell you what I do. If I have a problem w/ someone I go directly to that person - gently - and let them know I have an issue. If I am at fault I say I'm sorry. If they are at fault I wait for them to say I'm sorry. If they don't there is nothing you can do about it. ( If you don't want to confront someone in person just deal with it through God).Then I completely give the situation over to God and ask him to take away the anger, bitterness and ask him to forgive me for not being able to forgive someone else I also pray for the person that is not willing to say they are sorry to me. It is a sin to not forgive. Seriously, if you really ( I mean really) turn it over to the Lord you will feel as though a million pounds of bricks have been removed. Good luck. Admiting that you have a problem with this is the first step in taking care of it. You will feel better once you do. God bless you.

Answer 3

There is a difference between letting go of something and forgiving someone. If a person has done something to hurt you and they ask your forgiveness and seek to make things right, then you have the right to forgive them.

However, when a person doesn't ask for forgiveness and we continue to hold the anger or hurt inside us it can do us serious harm.

If a person wrongs you and does not seek forgiveness nor repent, they are not asking for forgiveness. That is when it is time for us to let go of the past. It isn't easy to let go. I had a lot of pain when I was younger and had to deal with problems with both parents.

I can only offer you a suggestion. When we fail to let go, the feelings become a poison that hurt us. They can not only create physical problems (I had my first ulcer in jr hi), but create depression and bitterness. The first step to letting go is to put the person in a different perspective.

I had to look at my parents and understand that they also went through hurtful experiences that made their life harder. When I realized that they themselves were hurt and troubled people, it became easier to see that they hadn't intentionally hurt me - they were just locked into their own world of hurt.

That allowed me to understand their pain and to let go. If we really have trouble letting go, then sometimes spiritual or professional counseling can help us identify the issues and help us let go.

Remember, that letting go or forgiving doesn't mean that we put ourselves into hurtful situations. When we let go of things for our own sake, we still protect ourselves from being further hurt. This is even true when we forgive someone until they have proven themselves trustworthy again.

Above all remembering how I have sinned - the things I have done to hurt others - and God's mercy for me have helped me. I have also needed a lot of prayer.

I hope that this may help you on your journey.

Pastor John

Answer 4

First of all , i am glad you asked this question. I personally think forgiving is very important. If the feelings of hate and revenge remain in there, then our ability to Love anyone is challenged. Life by no means is ideal, we cannot control others but the best we can do is to change ourselves enough to forgive others. Forgiveness comes from our heart and soul, it is actually a sign of loving others. The best you can do is dont think negative of others even when you are sure something negative has been done to you!

Answer 5

By being able to forgive another person, we are allowing ourselves to let go of a burden that holds us down, and keeps us back. Many times those who have offended us do not even know that. The only person that is hurt by holding a grudge is the person that holds the grudge. We can free ourselves up and relieve the burden by letting the hurt go, the pain go, the grudge go.

Forgiving is therapeutic and beneficial to a happy, health y life.

Answer 6

First of all you do not point the finger to someone else. You give forgiveness, you do not sell it. You give forgiveness for nothing in return. Discipline your emotions to be free from the past. Once you forgive someone, stop reliving the situation. Look to the future. Stop wearing your emotions. To forgive is a decision, not a feeling to choose from.

Answer 7

To forgive, to me, is to stop obsessing about the betrayal and hurt. Stop self-pity and stop letting anger cloud your judgments and interfering with your life. It has almost nothing to do with whether or not the person deserves to be forgiven or even whether that person 'appreciates' that he/she has been forgiven. It does not even mean resuming a failed relationship. It means to not let bitterness become the ruler of your life.

Sending you a smile to help pick up your day.

Answer 8

Start by forgiving yourself. Change your language.... "I am not good..." sets you up not to BE good and to focus on things other than good in your life. This carries over into your belief that you find it "...easy to point a finger..." As you change your focus towards good in your life you will discover that you will have the tendency to see the good in others. And that's a wonderful way to live. I believe that I'm not required to "like" anyone, I AM, however required to "...Love one another even as I have Loved you."

Keep asking questions, and
Look Within

Answer 9

I remember all the terrible and horrible sins I have done and how I pleaded with God to forgive me and lift condemnation off of me.

Then I remember the loving embrace of forgiveness when I had truly forsaken my sins and turned them over to Christ. His atonement washed away my sins.

I remember that Christ had to suffer for my sins so that I do not have to suffer if I follow Him. So my sins are an offense against Christ -- my sins made Him suffer -- yet He forgave me.

What small offenses have people done against me that is worse than I have done to Christ? If Christ can forgive me -- then I can forgive others. I can love those who have offended me as Christ loves me.

D

Answer 10

If a Christian is living in the past, then they would not be following the Bible. The Bible says to forget the past and look forward to the "blessed hope." The Bible says to forgive others. Everyone will have their day of judgement.