Do I invite my stepmother to my wedding?

Question

Both my parents are deceased, leaving only my stepmother who has not been on speaking terms with me for almost a year. I saw her at a family gathering and she is still the spiteful woman I always knew. She assumed my fiance has no job and bought my own ring, to the point she told my uncles this. I feel inviting her is asking for trouble, however not inviting her might prove another problem as I do not want to hurt anyone or be questioned as to where she is that day. Long story short, she has not wanted my father's children. She has not treated us well and we are at the point that we decided we do not need to be in contact with her. Honestly, my life's been better this way. Is it proper to invite her? I'd plan on not sitting her at the family table. She also does not respect my deceased mother - oh the drama she's caused if I only had more room to explain. Does she have to be invited in the sense of ettiquette? Please help.

Answer 1

Forget the spiteful woman. It is your day and tell everyone that you do not like her, she does not like you, therefore end of subject.

Answer 2

You write: has not been on speaking terms with me for almost a year. I saw her at a family gathering and she is still the spiteful woman I always knew

No, you do not have to invite your stepmother. Yes, you had to put up with her as a child . . . because your dad was married to her. But now you are an adult. If you have not been on speaking terms with the woman for almost a year, then do not invite her.

Answer 3

yes invite her and seat her at the table where the uncles are or where the family members she is close to are. there will surely be more than one family table, seat her with uncle joe she enjoys talking to. do not seat her away from people, it would be as bad as not inviting her because it would be a public slap to her and would not work.

i read every word of your question and all the answers. you are a sensitive and kind person and you have had to be the better person and have had to deal with losing both your parents. yet there is such strength and decency in your question that the only answer i can give you is to continue being the better person and invite her. and send her a christmas card every year.

i wish you every blessing and happiness and a lifetime of serenity and joy.

Answer 4

Good manners and etiquette say that yes you have to invite her. Karma says no, leave her out. I think you are justified in not inviting her if she has really been so spiteful and nasty and if she never was there for you and doesnt like you, she may not come anyways. But then she may turn up just to spite you too....
I would invite her, and hope she doesnt respond or turn up, then at least you have done the right thing and the rest of the family will appreciate that you are the bigger person...and if she does come, I would have her sitting on the furtherst table from family, with nobody she knows.

Answer 5

what is proper, is that she should be an adult and be kind to you and your father's children. Since that is out of the window - this is your big day and if she makes part of your family and YOU upset and has disrespected your fiance then do not invite her to your wedding.

My father has never been there for me, and at times I tried to reconnect - he has been a Jerk - He was not invited to my wedding... people disagreed with the idea but nobody wanted him there!

If you don't want someone to be there- you should not send an invite "hoping" they don't come.

Answer 6

No. The problem with wedding etiquette is that it is assumed that because one is family, that one is expected to be invited.

I'm sure others on this board will disagree, but it is going to be your wedding, not your uncles' or aunts' or cousins', or the stepmother who you have not dealt with in almost a year. If anyone is going to be 'hurt' since she will not be there...you and your siblings (which are your immediate family - besides your soon-to-be-spouse) have already decided that you are all better off without her.

Answer 7

Your dad married her .. not you.

A wedding is supposed to be a day full of love and if there is even a 1% chance someone will mess it up - you don't invite them.

If she is causing you this much stress now ... what is going to stop her from causing it on the actual day ? Nothing. So - no, don't invite her. I'm sure she doesn't care either way.

Answer 8

I would say against all ettiquette (and I am the queen of ettiquette sometimes) don't invite her. Tell any close realitives that you choose to not invite her and it would be rude of anyone to ask you at your wedding where someone is and if you invited them. You are supposed to be surrouneded by those who love you at your wedding and those who you love in return. Write one out to her and send it after the wedding (hehehe).

Answer 9

There is no necessity for you to invite this woman to your wedding. You should not have anyone there that you do not want to be there or who is not going to share your happiness. If you want to keep peace, send her an invitation and let it go at that. If she does not come great. If she does treat her with benign neglect and do not allow her attitude to dampen your good spirits. Arrange with a relative to escort her out should she make any sort of disruptive moves and then go have a good time at your wedding.

Answer 10

You can invite and not invite whom ever you want, or don't want. Don't even include her, she could indeed ruin your day. Your wedding should be one of the most happiest days of your life. Don't spoil that by inviting her, eewww. Your parents will be there in sprit, she is not your mother or a respectable family member.

Answer 11

If she plays no part in your life, there is NO reason to invite her. It would be different if your Father was still living, but if you have gone a year without even SPEAKING to each other, I would not worry about what anyone else thinks.