Okay...so I've had this guy friend for a long time now, and we werent anything before. He found himself a girlfriend, that he obviously says that he loves her, and after like two years that he had been with her, he started being unfaithful with me. I really wasn't thinking about it, and we didnt do much really as we speak, we have never kissed!!!! We've had a lot of physical contact!!! and i believe that it doenst matter, it counts as unfaithfulness. The thing is, that we said that we were gonna stop with our "sort of affair", the thing is that I cant get him outta my head! I know he cant possibly be BF material, because he cheated on his GF, and I actually know her!! when we started 2 b friends w/ benefits, I wasnt thinking, honestly sometimes i want to do more stuff with him, but i know it isnt right!! should i tell him? what would u do? what should i do in general? how can i get him outta my head? weve always been close friends, but not THAT close...i dont wanna lose the friendship.
2007-08-29 08:44:28 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If just having him in your life is the most important thing, then tell him you cant do that stuff anymore and be his friend. to be his friend you have to take the safest road. If you do want to be with him own up to the idea that attraction is powerful and even though you've been having a watered down affair, that he didnt do it to be greedy or bad. He's not a bad guy and still dateable. You did it to. Just cause your not with someone, dont put yourself over him. It dont make it right, but it aint evil - it doesnt have bad intentions.
Like you say, you cant get him out of your head.Emotion runs stronger and deeper than logic and people are nothing without emotion.Sometimes the situation has not 100% guilt free, hurts noone, perfectly innocent choice. Thats life. Life is complicated. Deal with it. YOu cant choose who you like, but you do choose what you do. You got three basic choices.
1)Take the time to listen to your emotions and see if its attraction more than affection and carring for him. if you do care then tell him and let him make his choice, dont pressure him. its awakward enough.
2) if its more of an attraction then dont be with him and stop "the affair".
3) if you attracted to him but the carring for him feels like more of a friend thing, then just be his friend. Your going to be attracted to lots of people. Married people find other people they are attracted to. It doesnt mean there would be a connection let alone a strong lasting one.
If your going to end up together because the attraction is so strong it will happen on its own. Dont force anything. Thats the worst thing you can do. Dont force him or yourself to make a choice. If you dont like what you are doing cause you feel bad then stop. its simple. If you dont like the idea of doing something then dont. No body is forcing you to do it. You made the choice.
2007-08-29 08:55:51 · answer #1 · answered by DLT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't say that you two are friends with benefits until you have had sex with him on a regular basis. If all you have done is feel each other up then its not he was just leading you on. But you already know the answer. You already know that he is not faithful and that he is not bf material..I think its because now he is not giving you the attention that he used to because he has a gf. Trust me I was in the same situation earloer this month and me and the guy had sex twice a week. And then he found a Gf and it was all done for me. But I say its not becaue you are falling for him its because you had his attention and now you don't. Just leave him be and don't talk to him for a while. Or tell him that you can no longer do t he thingsthat you used to or are still doing. Then you need to get over him and focus on something else. Its not worth it because you already know that he is not faithful! There are plenty of other men who can be bootay calls....get over him and move on!
2007-08-29 08:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by Simply Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's not friends with benefits if you've never even kissed. Friends with benefits are friends that have sex. From what I've heard you say that's not even really cheating. I'm going to guess you're in high school. the dude is trying to be a player, it makes him feel good to know that if one relationship doesn't work out he has someone else he can go to, but if he is still with the gf then he probably likes her more. Don't read too much into it. You can get him out of your head by not seeing him and finding someone else that's available. Or you can have the girlfriend find out, she'll dump him and he'll go with you because he hates being alone. You've got yourself in a shitty situation, time to get out before you get played.
2007-08-29 08:55:38 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Bumpkins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read all the circumstances and, all I can say is GOOD LUCK!! You were right you weren't thinking, because the only real way to stop the whole thing, and get him out of yor head, is to get him outta your life (at least for now). As time passes and, he matures a bit then maybe he'll try to re-establish a friendship with you but, you can't let it get to that point again, unless he is single and, you are single and, your trying to start a relationship. But, you already said that you know he is not boyfriend material...So there's your answer.
Good Luck....be strong there are other guys out there. Maybe even one who's not taken and, is BF material.
2007-08-29 08:54:41 · answer #4 · answered by massgolfer0606 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
was in an almost similar situation...only thing is the gf lived abroad, n he wasnt a friend with benefits...we jus spent a lot of time together n were very close, until we kissed one time...my advise to u is to GET OUT, cuz, speakin from experience, it only leaves u heartbroken...n i dont think u should tell the guy how u feel cuz he'll only use it to his advantage--he'll take complete advantage of u n think that its ok, since he doesnt have a relationship with u...he's being unfair to both u n the gf n neither one of u deserve this...its terrible that this has to happen this way, but thats everyday life, what u need to do is get out while u can, or honey, ull be the one with the tears, already u cant even get him out of ur head, so before this thing gets worst, LEAVE NOW...my situation i wouldnt listen to peeps who gave me advice n i ended up being very broken hearted n guess what..the guy n i dont even speak anymore...infact he's lyin to the gf tellin her i was afta him, as if he didnt have any part to play in this...but jus lettin u know, im doin much beta, have recovered n im movin on..so i guarantee u, ull be fine...cuz i am...best of luck!!
2007-08-29 09:10:33 · answer #5 · answered by zizi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The friendship is basically going to be ruined. I mean your already pretty much stabbing his gf in the back and he isnt doung anything good either. And the best thing for you to do is lost contact. I dunerstand that you dont wanna lose the friendship but in the long run sex will probably happen and then what are you going to do?
2007-08-29 08:52:00 · answer #6 · answered by LadyD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have made it hard to tell what you two have done physically. From all your statements it sounds like you have basically been emotionally close with some hugging or hand holding. This is more of an emotional cheat.
I think you should tell him that you are interested in a romantic relationship with him, but not while he has a girlfriend. Then tell him that any inappropriate physical contact will have to stop now.
2007-08-29 08:50:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, Jezabel
STOP BEING A NASTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all you are not the only female friend he has and you are a sideline @#$.... Sorry but thats how this guy looks at you. For one thing he doesn't respect you or her his GF. Also try not to talk to guys who have GF or Wifes. Thats whats wrong with you if some one whos tied down is spending to much time with an other person of another sex of course some one is going to have some time of feelings called LUST
2007-08-29 08:55:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a friendship should never die, because of sex... But if you know he cant be boyfriend material then all that's left to do is get him out of your mind. Keep it on a friendship level, just be honest its the key to everything and he should be truly honest with his girlfriend its the best for both of you. You should find someone who you know ill like you for you and not for just a casual affair.. I wish you the best
2007-08-29 08:51:26 · answer #9 · answered by Nenita I 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl you need to leave that guy alone. He has a girlfriend and you know her, don't be that kind of girl i mean really. There is a little thing called karma and you are going to get it back. Just cut this guy off completely. He is nothing but trouble, if he will cheat on his girl friend that he "loves" then believe me, he will do the same to you. Just cut him off.
2007-08-29 08:50:01 · answer #10 · answered by California Kush 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋